Razorblade Shine
by webofdreams89
Summary: After Zexion's brother dies, Demyx is what little consolation he has left. Zemyx.
1. Prologue: Razorblade Shine

* * *

o.O.o

**Razorblade Shine**

**Prologue**

**Revised on August 4, 2008**

o.O.o

_Sweet and divine, razor of mine.  
Sweet and divine, razorblade shine._  
–"Razor" by the Foo Fighters.

o.O.o

_He entered the bathroom with a certain amount of apprehension in his stop, as if he knew his trip there was inevitable whether he turned around now or not. He must have decided to get it over with now rather than later. If he delayed his ritual, it would probably only get worse as the time passed._

_Softly, he shut the wooden door behind him, locking it as he always did, though it wasn't really needed. He turned the hot water faucet of the sink, holding his hands under the stream until it was warm, swiftly pulling the stopper so it would hold the water at the bottom. Watching until it was fill half-full, he cut the stream of water, briefly watching the steam hit the cool, air-conditioned atmosphere. _

_Like a well-oiled machine, the routine down pat and perfectly rehearsed after so long, Zexion walked over to his stereo, flicked it on, bringing the machine to life. _Revolution_ by the Beatles warbled at him from the speakers, informing him that 'We all wanna change the world', promising that 'It was going to alright. Alright'…_

_He really wasn't in the mood for the ever-hopeful, unwavering songs of The Beatles at the moment. Maybe another time, but not now, not when he was so close to becoming undone that he felt that it threatened to kill him. _

_Sighing, he slide the button over to c.d. mode. A deafening silence filled the room, intimidating him so much that he almost fled the bathroom right then, almost changed his mind altogether. Almost._

_He quickly pushed the play button, waiting for the crooning of Jim Morrison and The Doors from their Greatest Hits c.d. to capture and claim him. He hated the silence; the dead-calm and stillness that threatened to give him the chance to think, threatened to give the memories a chance to seep back through his vigilantly constructed barriers and reclaim him. The milliseconds ticked by like agonizing, torturous hours until, _finally_, the music began to play. _

_The opening notes of _Hello, I Love _You claimed the attention of the room, the speakers catching Zexion's narrow gaze. Nope, that was definitely _not _the song for this particular occasion. Hitting the next button, he listened to approximately four seconds of _Light My Fire _before deciding that that song, too, would just not do. In succession to the first push, he pressed the next button again, smiling wryly as _People Are Strange _filled that air of the tiny room, the sound waves bouncing off the robin's egg blue tiled walls. Yes, this was definitely a song that would suit the occasion. He gave the volume knob a sharp twist to the right, cranking it so loud that the stereo vibrated slightly on the counter where it had made it's home for the past several years. He very much doubted anyone else would hear it anyway, let alone care; no one else was home and all the neighbors were the 9-5ers that didn't make it home until it was time to feed little Johnny and Susie after picking them up from the babysitters._

_Ah yes, the loud music was doing just the trick, turning his ever-overthinking brain to a silent and peaceful, beautiful oblivion._

_He shrugged out of his zippered hoodie that had become an essential part of his wardrobe, as essential to him as his jeans perhaps, tossing it to the counter where it landed next to the boom box. Glancing down, he saw the many scars that littered his arms, some faint and white with age while others were still purple and red, raw and new, and in the healing stage. One long stretch of skin close to the crook of his left arm still sported a giant razor-thin scab. It wasn't yet three days old, a remnant of the last time the memories had gotten this utterly unbearable._

_The sight of the many self-inflicted wounds caused tears to well up in his eyes. He hated himself now more than he ever had before. He hated the fact that he hurt himself whenever he hurt inside. But he especially hated the fact that he couldn't seem to stop._

_Opening the second drawer under the sink, he pulled out the shaving kit his dad had gotten him a few years earlier, pulling out his razor that had only one use for Zexion, and it wasn't to shave his face. _

_He had cleverly rigged the razor to drop one of the four blades after pulling the small plastic end off and taping it on the counter. Numbly, he did so, picking up the small razor with his slender fingers. In his trembling hands, he brought the razor to his freshest injury, piercing the skin next to it with the small silver liberator._

_He didn't even feel it pierce his skin; he'd stopped feeling the pain long ago. Engulfed by the sensations of release, he was only vaguely aware of the blood pouring down his arm and onto his gray T-shirt. He failed to notice that the blood, Lord, so much blood, was so much more than usual. Tossing the bloody razor into the water-filled sink, he watched it pour from the wound with a dim fascination, swaying slightly as he did so._

_He felt suddenly weak, woozy, and could no longer stand on his own two feet. Dropping to the floor, he grabbed a bath towel from the rack and wrapped it tightly around his arm. He let the weariness encompass him. The towel quickly retained his blood until it was undeniably soaking. _

_Minutes elapsed before he faintly heard the voice. "Zexion!" the familiar voice called to him, "Zexiooooon, where are yoooooou?"_

_He cringed as his heart swelled at the mere sound of the voice, cursing himself for the way his body was reacting. _

_He didn't want Demyx to see him, not ever like this._

"_Sorry I just let myself in," the voice explained with a chuckle, somewhere outside the bathroom door. Demyx had found him. "You weren't answering and I got tired of standing there waiting. I didn't realize you were on the crapper." Demyx's sweet laughter rang through the door, somehow audible over the loud stereo and the even louder thumping of Zexion's heart._

_Grimly, Zexion willed the floor to simply open up and swallow him whole, but it didn't happen. Instead, he remained immovably slumped against the bathroom wall, his favorite jeans swiftly soaking up his blood._

"_Zexion? Zexion, are you okay? Why aren't you answering?" Demyx asked, his voice taking on a frantic edge. "If you don't open up the door right now or say something, I'll break the fucker down! I swear I'll do it!"_

"_Demyx," he said faintly "Go 'way. You can't see me like this." Zexion, Jim Morrison, John Densmore, Robby Krieger, and Ray Manzarek were the only ones who heard his pitiable request._

_Dutifully and true to his word, Zexion heard Demyx's body slam against the bathroom door, the door itself remaining steadfast in it's place in the doorframe. Demyx's curses were low, and Zexion could just barely make them out. It made bile rise in his stomach to know that it was his own fault that such filth was coming from Demyx's mouth. _

_Again, Demyx ran into the door without success. The third attempt, however, _was_ successful, the door slamming against the wall, bouncing off it a few times before growing stationary. A tall teen was revealed, standing hunched in the doorway, no doubt from whatever damage he'd just done to his shoulder. Demyx was sweating slightly, the dirty blond roots of his hairline damp. Glancing around the tiny room, Demyx paled instantly at the sight of Zexion on the floor, his face taking on a rather delicate and muted shade of jade. _

"_What did you do to yourself?" he asked, looking at the numerous scars covering Zexion's bony arms. "Oh Zexion, what did you _do_?" Zexion's sapphire eyes closed in exhaustion. It had never been this bad before…_

_Demyx stepped quickly to the stereo, unplugging it from the wall, before wiping out his cell phone and dialing a number. Zexion couldn't quite hear what was being said, but was fairly sure Demyx had called for an ambulance. _

_Abruptly, Zexion felt two strong hands wrap around his cut, using the pressure Zexion had been too weak to apply. Opening his eyes, he saw something get tied around his wound, possibly another towel. _

_Zexion sighed, as content as he could be with the situation at hand, as Demyx sat down next to him, paying no attention whatsoever to the growing puddle of blood on the floor, pulling the smaller man between his spread legs. His arms wrapped around Zexion securely, one hand clamped upon the wound, the other brushing Zexion's sweat-dampened bangs from his eyes._

"_Why didn't you tell me?" Demyx asked softly after a moment of painful silence. Zexion's heart broke when he heard his best friend's voice tremble, when he felt his best friend's tears land hot and wet on his shoulders. _

"_I could have helped you, you know," Demyx continued, distressed. "You didn't have to keep everything all bottled up inside you, Zexion, you know that. I'm always here for you and always will be. For anything, anything at all. You see, I'd probably jump off a bridge if you were the one asking me to do it." _

_Zexion concentrated on Demyx's heartfelt words, the words alone being the only thing that kept him from going unconscious on the spot. _

_Hugging Zexion to himself a little tighter, Demyx went on, "I love you Zexion. As in, I'm _in_ love with you. Didn't you know that? Everyone always said it was so blatantly obvious, transparent even, that I was ninety-nine percent positive that you knew." _

_Demyx's body shuddered then, heavy sobs claiming him as he took all of Zexion's guilt upon himself. "The only thing I ever wanted to do was to take care of you and I failed miserably!"_

_Guiltily, Zexion turned his head to look at Demyx, reaching up with his uninjured arm to wipe the tears from the blond's cheeks. "Don't cry," he whispered softly. "Please don't cry,"_

"_How can I _not_ cry when I look at you and see what you've done to yourself and know I didn't do anything to stop you!" Demyx said hysterically._

"_You are doing something, Demyx. You're here." The words were uttered very faintly, so light it took Demyx a moment to realize what was said._

o.O.o

_An almost sickly bright artificial light woke Zexion. Even in his drugged state he could tell that it was artificial, fluorescent bulbs gleaming down at him like a mocking sun. This light was nothing like the sunlight that woke him every morning, always warm and content. No, this light was putting on a façade of comfort, trying it's damnedest to lure him into a sense of false security. Real sunlight wouldn't have left him feeling so cold and numb. Hollow. _

_He felt as if he had been drawn and quartered, which, in reality, he saw wasn't too awful far from the truth when he opened his eyes for the first time. His whole body ached, right on down to the tips of this blanket-clad toes. His left arm felt void of any feeling, discovering it to be immobile when he tried to move it to brush his hair from his adjusting eyes._

_Gazing around the room, he saw that he was in what appeared to be a hospital room. Stark white walls, a TV attached high on the wall, and a few chairs surrounding his bed, all confirming his suspicions. _

_But this was nothing like the room his brother had been in the last time Zexion visited the only hospital Twilight Town had. No, Hayner had gone straight to the morgue… _

_Inspecting the room further and blinking back a tear he didn't know had appeared in his eye, Zexion realized that he was not alone in the small room._

_In one of bedside chairs sat Demyx, his head propped against the wall behind him, hands folded in his lap, his feet extended in front of him and crossed at the ankles. He was sleeping in a way that seemed peaceful, but an underlying edge belied the image. There were great bags under his eyes, so purple that they appeared to be bruises, adding further evidence to Zexion's notion. His skin was paler than usual and had a sickly yellowed tinge to it. And his normal mused blond hair was downright ratty, as if he hadn't brushed it in days, but had been running nervous fingers through it whenever the urge struck._

_Looking down his body, Zexion cringed as eyes fell upon Demyx's bloodstained clothes. The thighs of his jeans were thickly coated with the dried, brown substance and his t-shirt hadn't fared much better. _

_But as Zexion's eyes landed on the tell-tale blood stains, the memory of everything that had transpired came flooding back like a rainforest during the monsoons; the episode of pain, the razor, the blood, Demyx kicking down the door... He blinked back a fresh wave of tears as he looked down at the several layers of gauze that thoroughly encased his left arm from just under the pit to down past the wrist, one loop wrapped around the hand between the thumb and forefinger. _

_He'd cut himself again. But this time, he'd gone too far._

_Whatever pain he'd felt before during his episode was nothing compared to how awful he felt staring over at his best friend. He didn't want Demyx to see him like this ever again; in the hospital, weak and so out of control. _

_In that very moment, knowing what he was putting Demyx through, he regretted very scar, every cut tenfold more now than he ever had. Maybe if he had just come to Demyx, told him his feelings, he could have sheltered Demyx from all the pain that no doubt felt right now. _

"_Demyx," Zexion said with difficulty. His voice was hoarse so he tried clearing his throat a few times before speaking again. "Demyx," he said again. This time it roused the blond. Demyx's cerulean eyes fluttered open, landing unfocusedly on Zexion._

"_You're awake," Demyx said softly, his voice sounding immeasurably relieved. He got up from his chair and walked over to the bed, tentatively sitting on the edge and grasping Zexion's free hand. "I was so worried about you."_

"_I know. I'm sorry," Zexion said, looking away. He couldn't meet those intense blue eyes, it was too difficult. He was painfully aware of how hollow his apology sounded but couldn't think of anything else to say._

"_Don't apologize," Demyx said quickly, as if _he_ was worried about upsetting the other. _

_So foolish, _Zexion though_t. He's worried about offending _me!

"_Really, there's no need to apologize," Demyx reaffirmed resolutely. _

"_But there is," Zexion said, looking back at his friend, capturing his eyes._

"_No," Demyx said forcefully. In all their years of friendship, he'd never heard such a commanding statement fall from Demyx's mouth. Most of the time he was the epitome of cheerful, always smiling and laughing and caring. "You'll be going away for a while," he said, his face falling. _

_Zexion gave Demyx's hand a reassuring squeeze, Demyx's beautiful blue eyes widening slightly. "I figured as much," Zexion said, taking a deep breath. His next words cost him much, but he knew he needed to say them. "I'd like you to do me a favor while I'm gone."_

"_Anything," Demyx said quickly, just as Zexion knew he would._

_He hated tricking Demyx into something that they were both going to hate, but he had to. "I'd like you to stay away from me while I'm gone. Don't come visit."_

"_But-"_

"_No, listen to me. You already said that you would fulfill my request. I don't want you to see me the way I am now. I don't want you to see me until I'm better."_

"_I don't understand," Demyx sputtered. "I could help you get better." His voice was pitiable._

"_I know, but I think that if I have incentive, then I'll want to get better and will faster."_

"_Incentive? What incentive?" Demyx asked, confused._

"_This," Zexion said, letting go of Demyx's hand to clasp the back of the blond's head, drawing Demyx to him. Their lips touched, softly caressing each other. After a moment, Zexion deepened the kiss until they were both breathing heavily, leaving Demyx thoroughly dazed._

_When they parted, Zexion added, "You said you loved me, remember? Well, I have something to confess as well; I love you too. And when I get out, I'm going to take you out on a date."_

_Demyx's eyes were entirely unfocused and his breath caught in is throat. "There'll be more of that, I hope."_

"_Of course," Zexion said, suddenly feeling quite weak again._

_Demyx's face fell as he remembered what he'd just agreed to, no seeing Zexion for a long time, perhaps months. "Can we write to each other? And talk on the phone?" he asked with a small gleam of hope._

_Zexion's eyes crinkled as he smiled up at the blond. "Actually, it's required."_

_Demyx's pretty blue eyes softened. "Then I'll write to you. And call you. So much so that you'll get sick of me."_

"_Good, because I'm not going to be able to get through this without you. And I could never get sick of you, silly. I want to get better, but I'm doing all of this for you."_

o.O.o

* * *


	2. Chapter 1: You'll Be Just Fine

* * *

o.O.o

**Razorblade Shine**

**Chapter 1: You'll Be Just Fine**

**Revised on August 5, 2008**

o.O.o

_If I could start again  
A million miles away  
I would keep myself  
I would find a way._

--"Hurt" by Johnny Cash

o.O.o

As I sit here now, beginning this narrative/contest entry, I shall be completely and utterly honest with you.

This tale is _not_ the stuff of legends and isn't one for the ages, that much I can guarantee. It isn't one of those stores that is so sincere and honest that it will have you bawling, on your mind for many years to come. This story isn't meant to motivate or inspire, it isn't meant to instruct or educate. You will not become enlightened by reading my sage words because, frankly, I don't have any.

My story will most certainly not drive helpless people to insanity, suicide, murder, or convince anyone to join a cult or drink the Kool-aid, not by a long shot. It shan't help you find the cure for cancer or the common cold, nor throw a perfect curveball, nor cook a perfect beef Wellington. There _is _not instructional value except, perhaps, don't do what I did.

You most certainly will _not_ discover the meaning of life while/after reading my story, and if you do, it is by complete accident and has nothing whatsoever to do with my multi-chaptered rant on my life in and out of Oblivion Treatment Center.

And I most heartily assure you that I am no Holden Caulfield, though I'm not quite sure if that disappoints or relieves you (if it _does_ disappoint you, then I recommend that you reread J.D. Salinger's masterpiece because my story will be nothing like that. But if you're relieved, then please, by all means, read on). The climax to my story will most certainly not be me wishing that I could make a career of catching little children as they jump in a giant field of rye, preventing them from falling off the cliff that just so happens to be in junction to a field. Not that there is anything wrong with that (I quite liked Catcher in the Rye when we read it last year in Honors English 11), I'm just merely stating that this will not be that kind of story. A forewarning, if you will.

The only thing this story is good for, besides wiping your ass with if you ever happen to run out of toilet paper and are desperate, is _entertainment. _Sure, it's cheap entertainment and it's all mostly at my expense, but it's worth it to lay my head on the chopping block if someone gets a couple of laughs out of it.

Besides, this is the best story I could come up with for the contest because I already lived the story, as both narrator and protagonist. I know first-hand who pulled their punches and who turned out to be a scum bag and who learned from their mistakes and who had their life changed forever.

But perhaps the biggest reason I chose to write a narrative on my life is because, not only does it help me relieve some of my stress, no one, not even myself, knows how for sure how it will end. I'm not dead yet.

o.O.o

This story began in late August, just before school was to start for my senior year of high school. I had just gotten out of the hospital after cutting myself a little too deeply. First and foremost, let's get out of the way one simple fact; yes, I was a cutter. It is not something I am proud of, but it is something that happened and is most certainly something I cannot change despite that fact that I would give almost anything to do so.

I had just gotten out of the hospital with stitches in my arm and multiple layers of gauze around my injury. That had kept me in the hospital for several days due to the fact that I had lost a lot of blood, requiring a blood transfusion. The extra days were just a precaution, just in case I had a bad reaction to the new blood coursing now through my veins.

I was in the car with my parents and my best friend/recently turned boyfriend Demyx. Dad was at the wheel, taking us from our home in peaceful little Twilight Town to the Oblivion Treatment Center in grand ole city of Oblivion. My things were packed securely in the trunk, ready to move into their new home in my room at the Treatment Center. The drive itself was a good three hours, most of which was filled with an almost deafening silence. Everyone was lost in their own thoughts, no doubt pertaining to me.

Truthfully, I was grateful that I was being sent away, not because I particularly wanted to get away, but because I wanted nothing more than to get myself better so I could move on with my life. I was only seventeen yet I had already known much pain and sorrow and wanted to move past all that.

I was, however, a little apprehensive about going to a place called _Oblivion_, thinking that it would mentally do me more harm than good, but my dad explained that it was actually located in the _town_ of Oblivion (I could only imagine in horror the people who lived in such a town). I'd never even heard of the place, but not too many had. It was the doctor at Twilight Town Memorial that had recommended it, stating that Oblivion was the best treatment center around and also most likely the least expensive.

Not only was the drive long, but stifling, only the occasional sobs to be heard from my mom sitting directly in front of Demyx. She repeatedly made statements that roughly consisted of everything being all her fault that I hurt myself because she didn't catch it before it was too late, before I'd seriously hurt myself.

I nearly cried myself when she said she couldn't bear to lose another son.

I didn't understand why everyone felt the need to blame themselves over what _I _did to _myself._ I'm the one who couldn't figure out how to grieve properly, I made the poor choice of starting to cut myself, I'm the one who let it get out of control.

I knew that it was human nature to take blame upon oneself, but in this situation, I failed to see how they could. Demyx had blamed himself from the moment he found me on the floor, laying in a pool of my own blood. My mom blamed herself as she burst into tears the first time she saw me after I'd woken up, bandaged and lying in a hospital bed. My dad, however, remained steadfastly silent, but I knew that inside, he was raging. He perhaps might have blamed himself the most of all but it was hard to tell because my father rarely said anything when nothing needed said.

Demyx had insisted on going with us up to Oblivion Treatment Center even though I'd made him promise not to come visit me while I was away so I would be encouraged to get better all the more with the thought that the sooner I get better, the sooner I get to see him again. And I had promised him a date.

He'd countered, saying that I wasn't yet a patient, therefore he wasn't _technically _visiting me. Secretly, I was glad he was right; the drive to Oblivion Treatment Center was probably the scariest thing I've ever gone through. I was terrified of being left alone there in a place where I knew absolutely no one, where everyone I loved was _hours_ away. I was terrified of having to actually face myself and my problems head-on.

I don't think Demyx took his eyes off me during the entire ride up there, not even once. I do think, perhaps, that he thought I might try something stupid like trying to jump out of the moving car while going highway speeds.

I wasn't that stupid, but figured that maybe, just maybe, he was just as scared as I was.

At one point, say a good twenty minutes into the ride, he reached across the plush, blue-fabriced back seat, pulled my hand from off my lap, and placed it inside his own. He didn't let go for the rest of the ride up to the Treatment Center. If my parents noticed, which I'm sure they did because my dad kept looking in the rearview mirror at us, eyes lingering wearily on me, they didn't say anything directly pertaining to it.

"I'm so glad my baby has such a good friend," Mom said to Demyx later on, turning around to smile at him. I could see that her eyes were swollen and red and there were tear stains running down her cheeks. "It will make it so much easier on him. On everyone."

"I'm glad too," I said, looking at Demyx. His beautiful cerulean eyes met mine and I gave his hand an appreciative squeeze. He simply smiled back at me sadly.

The town itself wasn't all that big, roughly a fraction of the size of Twilight Town. It was easily considered one of those 'ya blink ya miss it' kind of towns where everyone knows each other and no one bothered to lock their door at night.

From my place in the back for the car, I could see a grocery store, a bank, a school, a bar, a town square, and a gas station before we finally came upon Oblivion Treatment Center. It was by far the biggest building in town, probably the same size as every non-house building put together. For some reason, the thought of a 'treatment center' being the biggest building in town didn't bode with me, making me wonder if this was just a small town full of crazies, where every resident had spent some time in the place at one point or another in their lives.

But so far, it was hard to tell just what sort of people lived here. The ones I could see from my window looked normal enough, but hell,_ I_ looked normal enough if I wore long sleeves to cover my many scars.

Dad pulled our navy Honda into the parking lot, taking a spot near the door. Collectively, the four of us got out of the car, doors all slamming shut almost simultaneously. Dad grabbed my suitcase and bag and the four of us entered the glass doors of the building.

The building itself was two stories, but sprawled out across the grounds. My guess was that if the building was any taller, a patient could easily sneak out onto the roof and jump. At two stories, they would only break a leg or twist an ankle unless they somehow managed to land on their neck. The building was made from a sort of off-white brick, the words **Oblivion Treatment Center** splayed across the front in big black letters, relishing in the sharp contrast to the pale brick.

We walked into a lobby of sorts, complete with reception desk and several navy and cream striped couches. The pale walls were adorned with paintings, all of them either flowers or animals, but, thankfully, not the overtly cutesy ones that often induced headache, fatigue, and nausea. Potted plants embellished the front of the room, all leafy things in big, terracotta-colored planters. An end table was placed at the end of each couch, small gold desk lamps sitting atop. On the far wall, there was even a magazine rack that housed everything from _Life _to _Seventeen _to _National Geographic _to _Popular Mechanics. _

"Hi!" a flamboyant voice greeted us, my sharp eyes snapping to the source. A body popped up from behind the reception desk, quickly striding, almost _bounding_, towards us. "You must be Zexion! It's so nice to meet you! I'm Yuffie! I just know you'll find your stay here very comfortable! Everyone here is really nice and welcoming! You're going to make so many friends! Are you Zexion?" she said in one breath, looking at me expectantly.

I wasn't sure how she immediately knew that I was the newest resident of the nut house when Demyx was the exact same age as me, but she had, her dark eyes immediately landing on me as we'd walked inside. Yuffie was short, not quite five feet tall, with short black hair and wide, mischievous eyes.

"I am," I murmured. For good measure and to hopefully appease her, I added, "It's nice to meet you too, Yuffie."

"Oh, thank you so much!" she said, heading for a door on the far side of the room, between the magazine rack and her desk. "If you'll just follow me, I'll show you to your room and then you can say good-bye to your family. You have a meeting with Dr. Leonhart in approximately half an hour from now," Yuffie said, glancing at her watch quickly. She grabbed a small cardboard box from under her desk with my name written on a navy and white _Hello, my name is…_ sticker, and led the way to my room.

We followed Yuffie up the single flight of stairs and halfway down a hall until we reached room number twenty-three. She opened the door with her free hand and motioned for us to follow her inside.

Glancing around, I saw that it was a fair sized room with two beds, two dressers, two desks, a night stand between the two beds, and a small trash can. Half the room was completely bare, the left half, while the right was full of someone's slightly cluttered things.

"You will be having a roommate, his name is Axel and you'll meet him soon enough I'm sure.

"Now," she said, eyes trained on me, "I need to go through you stuff because there are certain things that are banned from all the rooms here at Oblivion. Your parents can either take these things home now or we'll store them until you're ready to leave and give them back then. It's up to you."

She took the suitcase and duffel bag from Dad and proceeded to unhook the strap, tossing it in the no longer empty box. She gestured for me to take off my studded belt, tossing it in the box, too, after I'd handed it over. All the strings from my hoodies were pulled out and placed inside, along with my shaving kit. "There's supervised shaving here," she explained.

I was glad of it; I didn't want to be tempted.

My shoelaces were also taken, which left my Velcro Vans as my only wearable shoes. I was just really glad I'd packed them because she informed me that if I didn't have any shoes I could wear, then they would provide a pair and I could only imagine what those would look like.

Throughout the process, my parents and Demyx looked nothing short of shell-shocked, taking everything in without a word. As horrible as it might sound, I could tell that my mom was more than relieved to had these _dangerous items _far from my reach, out of close contact so I couldn't just get the urge to, say hang myself with a hoodie sting or, on a whim, feel the need to hack vulgarities into my arms and legs, and perhaps my forehead. Although if I _did_ carve the word _bitch _or _dick _or _eat shit_ into my head, I'd be smart enough not to use a mirror lest I carve it in backwards and nobody could read it. That, my friend, would be wasting a golden opportunity right there, carving curse words into one's skin backwards. Truly a shame it'd be.

Finally, Yuffie finished her sorting, folding the flaps of the box down before sealing it with a long strip of packing tape. "Mr. and Mrs. Schemer, would you like to take the box with you or leave it here until your son's departure?" Yuffie asked.

Before my father even had the chance to open his mouth, my mother stuttered, "We'll take it with us so it will be waiting in his room when he comes home." Yep, she didn't even what the _dangerous objects_ in the same building as me, let alone the same town. Nothing short of three hours away by car would do.

I knew that I probably shouldn't have felt so resentful of her in that moment, but I honestly could not help it. For as much as I knew that I needed to be there to heal myself, I couldn't completely repress the feelings that I was being left behind, abandoned and left for dead. These were all gross inaccuracies, terrible misconceptions, but I felt them anyway, just as an eight year old feels resentful after his parents threatened him with no T.V. if he didn't eat _all_ his green vegetables. The kid's mom told the boy that they were they were good for him, proved it by taking a big bite herself, chocking down as grimace, but that didn't make him want to eat them anymore that he had in the first place.

I sighed, knowing that Oblivion Treatment Center would be my green vegetables that I would forced to endure if I ever wanted to grow big and strong.

"Alright then," Yuffie said, handing the box over to my father, "I'll just be waiting outside in the hall to give you guys a chance to say your good-byes."

Yuffie smiled at us, no doubt having seen this exact same scene play out before her a thousand times before; the uncomfortable father by the door, the emotional mother who can't seem to let her little baby go, the sibling/boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend who hovers on the outskirts, unsure if they should just leave or if they, too, should lavish affection or if they should just patiently bide their time until it is time for their good-byes.

She closed the door softly behind her as she went. Almost simultaneously with the shutting of the door, my mom nearly attacked me, engulfing me in nothing short of a rib-crushing, bone-cracking hug, her arms around me tight and secure. I could do nothing _but_ hug her back almost timidly because no one in our little family had shown this much emotion since Hayner's funeral. And by now, that was a long time ago, but it was never forgotten no matter how hard any of us tried. I could feel my long sleeve t-shirt soak up her tears as they fell on my chest due to my height. I was only five feet five inches (and will probably remain so for the rest of my life, unless I shrink as I get older), but I still had several inches on my mother. She stood on her tip toes, kissing my cheek and saying as she looked up at me, "Oh sweetheart, I love you so much!" As an afterthought, she added, "You get better as quickly as you can and come on home. We're all going to miss you so much!"

Without hesitation, my dad joined us in our group hug, Dad taller than all of us, holding us safely and securely his strong arms. Over my mom's shoulder, I glanced over at Demyx, seeing that he was staring at us and smiling almost sadly.

After a moment, Mom realized my attentions were elsewhere and pulled away, a small smile playing on her pretty face. "Come on, Mitch," she said, wrapping an arm around my dad's back and leading him to the door. "Let's give Zexion and Demyx a chance to say good-bye to each other without us in their faces." My silently dad nodded and, together, they stepped outside the room, the door quietly closing once again.

I turned to Demyx, watching him stare back at me intently, almost expectantly, for a moment before taking a few steps towards me. I honest-to-God didn't know what to say to him, endless apologies running through my mind. It was my fault that we would lose so much time together, my fault that for the majority of our senior year, I would be stranded in a Podunk town three hours away, out of sight but praying to God I wouldn't be out of mind.

I ignored my almost paralyzing feelings of guilt and concentrated on what I knew for sure, what I knew to be absolutely positive. I _did _know that the only thing I really wanted at that exact moment were his arms wrapped around me, holding me tight. But I didn't make a move.

"I have something for you," he said timidly, pulling a composition book from under his hoodie where it had been tucked into the waistband of his jeans. "There's only one thing you have to promise, and that is not to look at it until after I leave, okay?"

I gulped. "Okay, I promise Demyx." My voice was weak and weary as I took the notebook from him, setting it inside my duffel bag. Not really knowing where to begin, but knowing I had to begin somewhere, I said, "I'm going to miss you one whole helluva lot a lot."

"Then let me come visit," Demyx said quickly, his voice pleading just as his big blue eyes were.

I had to look away from him for fear my resolve wouldn't hold, shaking my head. "No," I said, trying to stay resolute, "I don't want you to see me until I'm better. I don't want to be like this anymore, and believe me, you're more than enough incentive for me to work my ass off."

He smiled slighting in such a way that told me that he didn't really believe me, but he wasn't about to contradict me. I just wished he saw himself the way I did, the wonderful person he was inside and out. To be honest, I had always hoarded Demyx all to myself, ever fearful that someone far more charming, intelligent, personable would try and steal him away from me. I was never more grateful of the fact that he seemed to genuinely want to be with me that I was for anything else in my life.

"Okay," he said, his voice resigned; he knew I meant what I said completely, even if he didn't really understand why.

Tentatively, he stepped closer to me once again, his hand reaching up to lightly touch the side of my face. My breath caught in my throat, my breathing becoming a bit uneven just as it did whenever I was in Demyx's presence. I pressed my face into his hand, nuzzling it a bit. He smiled, but it was a sad smile, nothing like his usual happy-go-lucky smile that I had come to love and determined that I couldn't live without. I was determined to make that smile reappear.

We both knew that this was going to be the last time we'd see each other for a very long time, and time always seems twice as long to young lovers as we were.

My arms snaked around his body, babying the injured one, and pulled him close to me. I winced slightly, knowing that I hadn't been careful enough of my bandaged arm, which was still quite tender. His arms correspondingly wrapped tightly around me, his fingers gently rubbing my back. I sighed, shutting everything else going on out completely, relishing in this sweet moment with Demyx.

I don't know how long we stood there like that, tucked in each other's arms, before I felt his body tremble, huge sobs raking him. I hugged him, if possible, even closer.

"Shh," I whispered, trying my best to comfort him. Briefly, I thought it odd that I was the one comforting him when I was the one who was supposed to be fucked up in the head.

"C-Can't," he said between sobs, back shuddering as I tried to calm him. "I-It's all my fault! E-everything is all my fault, Zexion!"

"Don't say that!" I said quickly, harshly, frightening him a bit unintentionally. "I am the one who made the conscious decision to cut myself, Demyx. There was nothing you could have done for me." He trembled at my words as if they caused him physical pain which, knowing Demyx as I did, it probably, in fact, did.

"But- but I could have stopped! I'm supposed to be your best friend and I didn't even notice!" he whimpered into the junction of my neck and shoulder. "It was my responsibility, and I failed you!"

"Demyx," I said, pulling away just a little so I could look into his tear-filled cerulean eyes. "I tried my damnedest to hide it and you know what a stubborn fucker I am when I'm determined. My parents didn't even know and I live with them."

"That's because they're always thinking about..." he trailed off. He couldn't bring himself to say _his_ name any more than I could. "I should have saved you!"

It seemed that no matter what I said, no matter how much I faced Demyx with the facts, he still wholly blamed himself for what I'd done. "Why do you think I'm here right now at Oblivion Treatment Center? It's because you intervened, Dem. You made me realize how God-awful what I was doing really was! You made me want to get better after I saw how much I hurt you. In truth, it is _me_ that owes you!

"But let's not make our last few minutes together unpleasant. I want something good to remember and think of while I'm here."

He nodded through his tears, giving me a true, genuine-Demyx smile. I smiled in return, I couldn't help it, and leaned in to kiss him. Our kiss was sweet, but short as Yuffie interrupted us by knocking gently on the door, pulling it open. She didn't even seem fazed by seeing two guys kissing. "Sorry," she said apologetically, "but we really need to get you up to Dr. Leonhart's office for your apartment."

I nodded, kissing Demyx again quickly on the lips, grabbing his hand and following Yuffie out the door. I gave each of my parents one last hug, holding them tightly with tears in my eyes. My mom told me that everything would be alright, that we would get through this, and my dad said there would be a place at the table for me when I got home, attempting to joke around. To be truthful, however, my dad is horrible at making jokes and only ever tries to when he is upset about something. Fresh tears sprang to my mother's eyes as she swatted my dad playfully. Even he, Mr. So Serious, had to smile, as did I.

With a certain amount of finality, I turned back to Demyx one last time.

"I don't want to say good-bye to you," he whispered in my ear as he hugged me again.

"Then don't," I said, "Just say 'til later."

" 'Til later, then, Zexion," he said. I smiled.

"I'll miss you," he added shyly. I knew this cost him, saying something so bold and tell-tale in front of my parents and someone he'd just met, but he did it anyway. And I loved him for it.

"I'd be upset if you didn't."

o.O.o

"Leon!" Yuffie called as she led me into my doctor's office. "Our newest arrival is here!" She glanced around and didn't see him anywhere in the small room. "Leon? _Leoooooon? _Where _are_ you?"

"Right here, Yuffie," a deep voice said from behind us. We both turned around to the sound of the voice. Standing there was a tall man with longish brown hair and grayish eyes. He was dressed in leather pants, a white shirt, and a fluffy kind of funky vest-thing. I thought that it was bit weird for a doctor to be wearing, but what did I know?

The man, Dr. Leonhart as Yuffie had called him, walked in carrying a steaming cup of coffee and a folder under his arm, no doubt all about me. "I'll see you later, Yuffie," he said with a small smile. Yuffie smiled back brightly and left the room. Turning to me, he added, "Why don't you take a seat? Unless you prefer standing that is."

"No," I said, sitting down in front of the slightly cluttered desk. He sat on the other side of it, setting his coffee mug down on what appeared to be a homemade coaster, like something a six or seven year old kid would pawn off on an unsuspecting aunt or uncle who found it impossible to say no. I glanced around the small office and saw several posters the walls, most of which had something to do with sword fighting or fencing.

Dr. Leonhart noticed my curious gaze and explained, "It's a hobby of mine, sword fighting. Been doing it since I was, God, five? Yep, I think that was when I was first enrolled."

"Really?" I asked curiously. In this day and age, sword fighting was a very rare hobby indeed, especially in this country.

"Mm-hmm. I'm a little obsessive about it," he admitted. Looking at him, I couldn't place him as any older than twenty-five, terribly young to be working in a mental hospital. "Anything you like to do?" he asked, leaning back comfortably in his chair.

"I like to write," I admitted. When I'd first entered the office, I was extremely nervous, but seeing the good doctor, not really all that much older than I was at the time, I felt at ease. He had a calming nature to him, Dr. Leonhart did.

"Ah, a writer. Honestly, I can hardly string two words together on a page. Isn't all that great when I have to write so many reports on the patients here. Makes the other doctors a bit angry really, having to decipher my chicken scratch."

I nodded vaguely in agreement.

He leaned foreword in his chair, his arms resting on the middle of the desk. His tone was by far more serious than it had been before, deeper sounding. "Do you know why you're here?" he asked.

"Of course," I said more sarcastically than intended. Adjusting my tone, I said, "I'm a self mutilator."

"I don't think you're just a self mutilator. When you hurt yourself, you hurt the people that love you too." It sounded as if he was trying to push me to add to my previous statement. I thought a moment before speaking again.

"I know that now," I said in agreement. "No, I'm really here because I want to get better. I don't want to be depressed or angry or hurting any more."

He smiled. "Exactly. You're exactly right. So, why don't you tell me a bit about yourself."

The sudden change in topic made me wonder if my doctor was just a tad bipolar. At this point, it seemed a strong possibility with the sudden change in topics and such. No one just goes from such a serious topic and such a light topic without having some kind of a problem. "I thought we were discussing why I was here," I said pointedly.

"We were. I just don't want to push you too much your first day here. We could continue talking about why you're here, but you've lead me to believe you know the exact reason. I just decided to change the subject to something different."

"Okay. What would you like to know?" I honestly had no idea where to begin. Talking about myself was never one of my strong points unlike it is for some. Like my cousin Riku for instance; he was more than arrogant enough for the both of us. In truth though, he was merely joking around ninety-nine percent of the time.

"What would you like to tell me?" He was really starting to frustrate me now, dancing around the subjects, forcing me to talking and the skimming right on over them to the next.

I kind of wanted a bit of revenge for him making me talk about myself. I knew it was necessary to get better but I still didn't like being put on the spot the way I had. Which is probably what led to me to say what I said. "I'm gay." My voice was even, devoid of all emotion.

He simply smiled at me. "So am I." Now _that_ threw me for a loop; I really hadn't been expecting it.

"Oh," I said simply.

"Well, you were being honest so I thought I should be too. Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Yeah, actually now I kind of do. I guess cutting myself led to one good thing."

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

"My boyfriend was the one that found me after I, uh, went a bit overboard. I don't know, I guess it kind of spurred him so confess that he loved me. And now we're together. I promised to take him on our first date when I get out of here."

"It's funny the way life works. The rainbow after, or in your case, during, the thunderstorm storm."

"Yeah, we've been best friends since we were in diapers practically. If it weren't for him, I probably would have been a lot worse than I was after-"

I'd nearly said it. And _that_ was something I definitely didn't want to talk about, not right now.

"Your brother's death, you mean." I don't know if he was testing me or not, but at that moment, I really hated him for saying it so bluntly, so carelessly, like it meant nothing when it cause me more pain than anything I'd ever experienced in all my life.

"Yes," I said sarcastically, "after my brother's death."

"Why didn't you say his name? It's strange that you didn't. Usually when people refer to a sibling to someone they hardly know, they use that person's name. You didn't."

"Do most people's brothers _die at the age of sixteen!?"_ I screamed, standing up furiously. My fists were shaking so hard that they were beginning to ache from the strenuous jerking. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than slam my quaking fists into his nose as hard as I could. Sure, he could take me down in one fell swoop, but I had a feeling that he would let me. He would let me if I wanted it badly enough.

Take a deep breath, I jammed both my fists into my pockets, reclaiming my seat. There was no way in hell I was going to show some doctor that I'd just met so much emotion, let him see that he had gotten to me. Even if it _was_ his job.

A strange smile crossed Dr. Leonhart's face then. "Yep," he said quietly, "it'll take a while, but I can guarantee that you're going to be just fine."

o.O.o

* * *


	3. Chapter 2: Of Photographs and Letters

* * *

o.O.o

**Razorblade Shine  
Chapter 2: Of Photographs and Letters**

**Revised on August 6, 2008**

o.O.o

_If the sun refused to shine,  
I would still be loving you.  
When mountains crumble to the sea,  
There will still be you and me.  
_--"Thank You" by Led Zeppelin

o.O.o

"Helllllooooo!" I was greeted as I entered what was to be my room for the next several months, or however long it would take to get past the last year of my life. I quickly found himself, not yet two steps into the room, pinned to the wall in such a way that I hadn't yet decided was hostile or just plain eager. A third, and very possible, likelihood popped into my head as I analyzed the situation, standing with legs immobile, arms (especially the good one) painfully crushed between chest and stomach and those of the attackers'.

That third possibility was that this person, my roommate perhaps because who else would be in our room, was _insane_. I mean, this was a Treatment. Center. Where people go to get treated. For all kinds of things. Surely insanity was one of them, if such at thing _could _be treated.

_Oh God,_ I thought to myself as I began breathing harder, my chest heaving uncomfortably in fear. _I survived almost accidently killing myself only to get murdered my first night here! It he doesn't kill me right now, then I'm surely not going to wake up in the morning! Or maybe this psycho will just bide his time until I'm least expecting an attack. Yeah, that could be it!_

"I'm taken," I mumbled stupidly, a lame excuse for a joke, sure, but it was the only thing I could think of to say while he was being attacked, that only possible distraction. A truly lame bit of humor that wasn't really funny. I shuddered, believing that I was never going to see Demyx again. It broke my heart, especially when the two of us had just gotten together.

I suddenly grew worried that the crazy man would kill right then because my joke wasn't funny. Or what if he _did_ think it was funny and hated funny things? What if he hated all funny people and wanted to _kill_ them? He could take out all his frustrations out on me for all the abhorrent humor he had to face over the years. I would become a punching bag, a whipping boy, dead meat, and dog food. Be thrown to the hounds like a scrap of—

I realized something right then, that the person who was pinning me to the wall didn't seem to _actually_ be attacking me, but merely…hugging me? Yes, I noted, this was, in fact, a hug. Two arms wrapped around my back, pulled close to someone. I felt no pain except the squishing of arms which, if I thought about it, could have been accidently. You saw on T.V. all the time where people are getting hugged, arms pinned to their sides, being swung around the room by someone bigger than they were that didn't know their limitation pertaining to someone much smaller.

A hearty, carefree chuckle echoed in my ear. Definitely not the laugh of any psychopath I'd ever met. Not that I'd met very many in my time. Or any, if I actually thought about it.

"So am I," the hugger admitted, his red hair tangled in my eyes. His voice was pleasant, animated, but I couldn't help but notice that it had a certain sarcastic edge to it that was probably never far away no matter what the hugger's mood was at the time. Expressing oneself through sarcasm, I knew the type. My cousin Riku was one of them. One of them, that is, unless you just so happened to Demyx's younger brother Sora, who he doted on.

The stranger pulled away then.

I saw that he was a tall boy, close to my own age, seventeen or so, with vivid emerald eyes that sparkled with mischief, tiny black teardrop tattoos resting on his cheeks, roughly an inch under each of his eyes. His hair was grown to a little past his shoulders, thrust out in a way behind him behind that surely defied Sir Isaac Newton's Laws of Gravity. Briefly, I wondered how much hair product he went through on a daily basis to make it stay that way. One time I'd asked him about it, making his smirk. He told me that if I grew my hair to the same length as his and never bothered to brush it, then my hair would do funny things too. He was also very thin, almost painfully so, long gangly limbs with a body that many a female superstar had stuck her finger down her throat after lunch to achieve without success. The grin that plastered his face was even more impish than the one Yuffie, the receptionist, seemed to possess.

After a moment of just staring at each other, I deemed him no longer a threat, profusely blaming my paranoid nature for jumping to such conclusions. Although, to be on the safe side, I would sleep with one eye open…

"Well, I'm not actually taken," he explained, the sarcastic edge even more pronounced when he didn't seem to be gushing with animated emotion, "but I do like someone.

"So you must be Zexion. Yuffie told me about you. She's a bit of a gossip if you didn't notice before. But she's actually a lot of fun to be around and has this wicked sense of humor." I noticed that he had yet to take a breath. Surely, do to his very tall, possibly six feet one inch frame, he'd need to take more breaths more often to accommodate such a height, but I was wrong. And in truth, he paused for breath less than anyone I knew.

But finally he did, thrusting his lanky arm at me, palm in, for me to shake. "My name's Axel," he informed me, his grip firm but not painful. "I'm sorry for, um, crushing you into the wall a moment ago. I guess I got a little carried away, huh? I sure hope I didn't hurt you. It's just that I haven't, like, talked to a normal person here for eons. Everyone here is a bit out of their gourd, and you just looked so normal, comparatively…

"See, my last roommate (haven't had one for a while) was more than a bit out of his gourd but feigned normalcy, you know? Helluva thing the doctor's miss, his complete lack of sanity. Straight up coocoo for Cocoa Puffs if you catch my drift. Sonuvabitch actually tried smothering me in my sleep. Good thing I'm such a light sleeper, huh? Anyway, he had to sent somewhere else, where the _real_ crazies go."

Unconsciously, I gulped. All my worst fears had been confirmed; this place was full of crazies. Unless, the guy, Axel he'd called himself, like the thing on wheels, was some kind of pathological liar and wanted me to be afraid, very afraid.

Mentally, I slapped myself. I really needed to stop dreaming up the worst of people. _Of course _the people here would be a little messed up, or why else would they be in a treatment center? They had their problems, but at least they were all trying to get better (unless you counted Axel's last roommate who had to be sent away, who just wanted to _kill_. I supposed there was a bad egg in every bunch, but a couple in the bunch called Oblivion Treatment Center simply because it came with the territory).

My head had been spinning in circles, taking it's own, brand new orbit in the beautiful Land of Confusion ever since before I'd left Dr. Leonhart's office, and I was having an awful time trying to taking everything in. It surely didn't help that the subject currently at hand, that of this place being full of nutcases, was the very thing I'd been subconsciously fearing all along, only to have validated proof that it was all quite possibly true.

"It's nice to meet you," I murmured faintly, vastly unsure of what to say to Axel after his long spew on the all the not-so-rightly-sane people here at Oblivion.

"So tell me about your boyfriend," Axel said conversationally, flinging himself down on his blue-blanketed bed and making himself comfortable so he could listen to my side of the conversation. Taking a seat on my own bed, I faced him, my injured arm throbbing uncomfortably as it laid in my lap.

"How do you know I have a boyfriend?" I asked quickly. I hadn't actually meant to be short with Axel, after all, I'd be rooming with him for a while and didn't want it the experience to be completely unpleasant. In truth, I was still very sore from earlier, angry the stunt that Dr. Leonhart pulled when he'd forced me to talk about my little brother.

Axel looked immediately ashamed, taken aback. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you're gay. You just seemed..."

"No, it's okay," I said quickly. The look on Axel's face told me that he did _not _think it was okay, thinking that he'd offended me or something, thinking that his gaydar had been broken.

"Really," I insisted. "I'm not offended, not at all. And I am. Gay, I mean."

"Oh, okay," Axel replied, still unsure of what to say to me.

"You didn't need to apologize," I said, trying again to get him to calm down, to start over. "It's my fault, really it is. It's just that I just got here and that doctor was already making me talk about stuff I did't want to talk about, and I've been angry since then."

Axel chuckled. "Yeah, Leon has that effect on people. Pissing them off practically the second they arrive, I mean." With that said, he appeared to be at a loss for words once again. He glanced around the room, eyes landing on my stuff that still sat in my strapless duffel bag and suitcase. "I guess you'll want to unpack now."

I sighed, knowing that if I was to get better, talking about things, even the little things (like my daily life), was the key. Just getting things off my chest. Talking about my problems, talking out everything. I sighed, resigned that I would be talking about my life, _everything, _sooner or later. I might as well snatch up the opportunity when it presents itself, talking about my favorite subject that is. Demyx.

"His name's Demyx," I said, sighing thoughtfully as I recalled all the small details that made Demyx who he is. The way his eyes scrunched up whenever he smiled at me. The way he could never sit still, always tapping away at something with impromptu drumsticks, usually his fingers or a couple of pencils. The way he never seemed to hold a straight face no matter what the situation, making playing cards or any other kind of game far too easy and anticlimactic because I won all the time. His big heart, the way he kissed me earlier today as we said 'til later.

Axel looked back up at me, wearing a surprised, but pleased grin. "Demyx, huh?"

I could feel my face light up as I smiled my first true smile since Demyx had left with my parents earlier in the day, before my little one-on-one with Dr. Leonhart. Once Axel told me that whenever Demyx was mentioned or in the room with me or even just in thoughts, my face would brighten up so much that I almost glowed, iridescent, and gleaming with elation. I hadn't really felt this good for so long without having Demyx near by, that I was a little dazzled by the feelings of happiness at just forming a new camaraderie with my roommate, Axel.

"Yeah," I said absentmindedly, still daydreaming my love. I knew my eyes were dazed and unfocused, not really staring of at anything. "Yeah," I went on, snapping my eyes back to the smirking Axel, "Dem has this amazing dark blond hair, you know? He's taller than me, not that it takes all that much. And his eyes, oh his eyes. They're blue like mine, but more cerulean than anything, practically the color of shimmering ocean water, deep and mysterious and unreadable. But he doesn't even know the effect he has on people. So many people love him, and doesn't even know it. I'm just so fucking lucky that he choose me. I mean, what did I do to deserve him? Absol-fucking-utely nothing, I can guarantee you that much.

"And his hearts, like his eyes, like the ocean in the vastness of it's size. He has the compatisity to love so many, to give so much love. He's just…he such a beautiful person and he means more to me than the entire world. Oh, and he's a musician, a really great one in fact."

"There to reach things on the top shelf?" Axel asked jokingly. I smiled at him. "No, that was just a joke. He really sounds quite wonderful, Zexion, you're very lucky."

"I know," I murmured, nodding. "He is. But don't be getting any ideas or anything. I don't share."

Axel snorted, "Nah, I didn't think you were the type that did. You seem like you are one of those people that hoards everything you got, am I right?" I nodded to him, smiling at how correct his statement had been, spot on, and, surprisingly, wasn't offended by it. "I guess I'll just have to see for myself when he comes on visiting days, eh?"

Saxon didn't say anything for a moment. "He won't be coming on visiting days."

"But... I thought you said... your boyfriend."

"He is, it's just that... I don't want him seeing me here like this," I said, my eyes growing downcast, studying my stubby fingernails. "See, we've been best friends for years, since we were babies actually, and we just started dating. And, well... I don't want him seeing me until I'm better again."

Axel smiled sadly. "You know, as twisted as your logic is, I completely understand. You want to get better and think that if you have a little incentive, the incentive being Demyx, not only will you get better faster, but you'll want to stay clean."

"Yeah, something like that," I said, raising an eyebrow at the _stay clean _part. I wasn't really sure refraining from cutting yourself meant you were clean, though I supposed that it wasn't too far off the mark. Cutting _had_ been like a drug for me, my release, my way to just forget about the world for a while much the same way heroin is to an addict..

"It was the worst thing I ever seen, the look on his face when he saw me on the bathroom floor bleeding like that..." I said, trailing off and looking away again.

"Bleeding?" Axel asked, sounding surprised.

"I cut myself," I replied stated simply, explaining

"I thought... well, Yuffie said that you did drugs." He looked sheepish as he said this, as if he didn't know if he should have said anything at all. Again, I didn't take any offence to it.

"Nope," I said, "Can't say I've ever done drugs."

Carefully, I rolled up the sleeves of my shirt, showing Axel the multitude of scars that littered my arms. It was the first time I'd ever willingly shown anyone my scars like that, and I was scared as hell, for some reason, about what he would say when he saw them.

But Axel didn't say anything, instead just rolling his own sleeves up on each arm to just under the elbow. His arms, too, were covered in scars, but they looked more like burn scars than anything else, mostly cigarette by the small round shape. "I guess I've always been something of a pyro," Axel said sheepishly as the two of us compared what we'd both hidden from the world until now.

And in that moment, we understood each other perfectly.

o.O.o

A while later, after we were finally done bonding over our mutual self-inflicted scars, I asked, "So who's this guy you like? Is he here too, or is he, you know, on the outside?"

A soft smile crept up Axel's face. "His name's Roxas," he began languorously, grinning widely, "Like you're boyfriend, he's a blue eyed blond. But he's short, you know, like five foot five, around your height, no offence, and he just looks so fragile all the time, you know? But from what I've seen, the kid's got a backbone of steel... But yeah, he's here too."

The name Roxas struck me then as oddly familiar, as if it was a name I should have known for some reason, someone I was acquainted with and had see plenty of times that I _would_ know the name. It was like one of those things that is just on the tip of your tongue, something you're just dying to spit out if only the right words would come to you. How did I know Roxas? Or at least _a_ Roxas. Sure, it wasn't a very common name, not like Riku's and Sora's are, but it obviously wasn't completely unheard of either for someone else to have. I just couldn't figure out why anyone would name a kid after a place in the Philippines.

Glancing at the alarm clock on the end table between our two beds, (which had to be chord-free and battery operated of course. I wondered if they'd ever given it any consideration that someone might actually try to _swallow _a battery if they were really desperate. Something like that would wreak some major havoc on your stomach), Axel said, "Well, Zexion, you can actually meet him right now. It's time for us to go down for dinner."

"Okay," I acquiesced, rolling my sleeves carefully back down my arms and following Axel out the door.

The cafeteria was on the ground floor, along with every other room in the place that wasn't dormitory nor storage room. It was smaller than the one I was used to at school but was a lot nicer, kept spotlessly clean and very orderly. It reminded me a bit of the lobby, pleasant looking, with cool calming colors, but not necessarily a place something that sticks out in your mind.

I followed Axel to a table, taking a seat next to him.

Leaning toward me, he quickly whispered, "No matter what anyone tells you, do _not_ eat any of the green vegetables, I don't care _what_ they are. Do _not_ under any circumstances eat them. They all taste like a gib pot of roasted sawdust with a dash of sand for flavor. No joke. See, they got this cook here, Xigbar is his name, and he has this huge aversion to all green vegetables and thinks everyone else should too. He's crazier 'n' shit and talks like a cross between a surfer and a pirate even though he's probably, like, fifty. Oh, and he wears an eye patch too."

"Is he a patient?" I asked incredulously, finding it hard to imagine someone like that actually being considered sane. Placing him as a patient seemed to make a whole helluva lot more sense to me than a just plain crazy guy cooking my food. If he was a patient here, they could at least give him medication for his problems or, you know, counseling.

"No, but I think he used to be. He's sure as shit crazy enough to belong here. Oh, there's the gang." Zexion swiveled his head in the direction Axel indicated 'the gang' to be. Walking toward them were five other teens, ranging a bit in age but all within a few years of each other, including two girls and three boys.

They each took a seat at the table, some of them smiling at me widely, one of them merely grunting in my general direction, and a few ignoring me all together.

"Hey guys," Axel greeted them as they each took their respective seats. "This is Zexion, my new roommate."

A chorus of _his_ and _hellos_ resonated from around the table. Working his way around the circle of newcomers, Axel pointed to the first girl. "Zexion, this is Namine." He indicated a pretty blond girl to my left with wide blue eyes and a shy smile. I smiled back at her. "And Roxas," Axel continued, his voice trembling slightly as he pointed out his would-be lover. Roxas refused to meet my eyes, instead gazing down at his hands much the way I had done more than a few times earlier in the day. Shrugging, Axel went on to the next person. "Marluxia," he said pointing at the tall boy with long pink hair. Marluxia said nothing, but did nod at me in a vague sort of acknowledgement. "Larxene." She was a girl with short lemon-blond hair and two weird, antenna-like wisps of hair poking from her head. She merely stared at he much that way a cat would when she discovered a new mouse to toy with. _Not likely sister_, I thought. "And, finally, Sephiroth, our resident nympho." Sephiroth was a tall, broad-shouldered teen close in age, I guessed, to myself, his hair long and silver that I thought similar to Riku's. His eyes were green and almost cat-like, petulant and obviously ill-tempered.

"I resent that,_ pyro_," Sephiroth said, piqued. I soon found out that he was almost _always _in this mood. "Besides, I prefer the term sex-addict. Nymphomaniacs refer to _female_ _whores_, neither of which I am, female or whore."

"Oh _please_," Marluxia said, rolling his blue eyes as his finger twirled through a bubble-gum pink lock of hair. "Not this again."

"Sure thing, Seph, whatever you say," Axel said before turning back to me and adding, "His one goal in life is to bone Dr. Cloud Strife."

"Dr. Strife? Doesn't he work here?" I asked, becoming a little weary of the tall, silver-haired teen.

"Sure as hell does," Sephiroth replied, wearing a bit of what I considered a manic grin. It was right then that I made up my mind to stay away from the guy; his lust for the Good Doctor seemed to have knocked completely out of touch with reality.

Just then, a loud _crash! _bounced off the cafeteria walls, not even seeming to phase the others at my table. I turned to see a skinny girl (another blond) sprawled across the floor, her butt sticking up high in the air. She hopped up quickly, grinning at us all the while.

"Sorry I'm late guys. What did I miss?"

"Axel was just introducing his new roommate," Marluxia stated evenly, saying it as if any stupid idiot could tell that, _of course,_ Axel would be introducing a new roommate, as if it happened all the time or something.

"Hi!" the girl said. I could see that she had bright green eyes similar in color to Axel's, but with strange black swirls in her eyes instead of pupils, her mass of yellow hair thrown up into tiny braids, pinned in place randomly to the back of her head. "My name's Rikku!"

She stuck out her hand, which I took, shaking it. "I'm Zexion," I replied, smiling at her.

"It's so nice to meet you," Rikku added, pulling up a chair between me and Namine, forcing us to each move down a little. From the corner of my eye, I thought I actually saw Namine scoot her chair away from the hyper Rikku even more than necessary, as if she didn't want to catch the other blond's attention. It didn't work, though, because Rikku was soon trying to coax from Namine what she had done all day. Namine remained dead silent, but this didn't seem to deter Rikku any.

A moment later, dishes of food were placed in the middle of our little, overcrowded round table by what appeared to be other patients. Upon Axel's advice, I avoided all the green vegetables, as, it seemed, did everyone else at the table. Glancing around the room, I saw at many other tables with as many people sitting at them as sat at ours. I hadn't really thought there would be this many patients here at Oblivion, but hadn't really thought about it too much either way.

"So," Larxene began between bites of her gravy-drenched mashed potatoes, "why are you here Zexion?" She was one of those people that had the _talent_ (ha! yeah right!) of making everything that came from their mouths sound sickly sarcastic, patronizing. The perpetual sneer she seemingly permanently donned didn't really help matters either.

"Because it's cheaper than rent," I replied evenly before taking a bite of my pork chop. Axel burst out laughing, hitting Marluxia in the face with whatever he had been chewing at the time. Even I pitied the strange pink-haired by right then even though he was never particularly nice to me, civil unlike Larxene, but never really nice.

"Gross," he said, appalled, viciously wiping his cheek with his napkin.

Rikku laughed too, but luckily without spraying it. Though he couldn't swear to it, I thought I might have even seen Roxas and Namine, the two had been silent all night, crack a smile.

"Ha. Ha," Larxene said. "I guess you don't have to tell us, we'll find out sooner than later anyway. The rumor mill here is worse than any high school one."

"You're probably right," I admitted, having met Yuffie earlier that day (and heard Axel confirm that she was quite the gossip), though she'd seemed harmless enough. "I'm here because I cut myself."

"Another self-mutilator, huh?" Larxene asked, laughing uncontrollably. I nodded. "Well then I guess you and Axel will get along famously. But I should warn you about him; he'll go after your ass hole."

"Completely vulgar, Larxene," Marluxia said, shaking his head. "Uncalled for." She seemed to wilt vaguely at his words.

Scowling at her, Axel added, "Dude, Zexion's got a boyfriend."

"And he's gay!" Larxene shrieked, her voice nearly high enough to break our water glasses. "Man, you _cut, _you're _gay,_ it's no big wonder _why _you need to be in here."

"There's nothing wrong with being gay," a quiet voice said from the left side of the table. On the other side of Namine sat Roxas, Axel's crush, his eyes trained irately on Larxene. Axel was so obviously happy that he practically beamed roses at the kid.

"I know _that,_" Larxene said quickly, unable to keep the scorn from the tone of her voice.

"Then don't be such a bitch." This, again, came from Roxas' mouth. For some reason, Larxene shut her mouth.

A silence fell over the dinner table as everyone finished his or her plates, refraining from making any excess noise if at all possible. It was both equally awkward and pleasant, but mostly because Larxene had stopped talking.

"Zexion!" a familiar voice called to me. I turned around to see Yuffie approaching me, bouncing, just as she did every time I saw her. "Zexion, you have to go down to the nurse now! It's time to get your bandage changed."

"Okay," I said, looking at my dinner plate.

"Don't worry about it," Axel said assured me, "I'll take care of it for you."

I nodded, thanking him, before rising from my seat, all eyes trained on me, and followed the short brunette. Axel waved good-bye, telling me that I would see him later.

The nurse's office wasn't all that far from the cafeteria, only about four or so rooms down the hall from the main doors. It looked nearly like the one from Twilight Town High, clean but without the sterile appeal of a doctor's office or hospital, though I supposed all nurse's stations looked somewhat alike. Yuffie pushed me inside, remaining in the hall. A pretty brown haired woman stood up from behind a desk as I walked into the room.

"Hi," she said cheerfully, smiling at me as she directed me to a chair. She was one of those people that you couldn't help but return their smile, genuinely nice and kind-hearted that it was contagious. "Let's see that arm of yours."

I carefully rolled up my sleeve up past my elbow, exposing every scar I'd ever given myself on my left arm. She, the pretty nurse, didn't even wince as most people would have when she saw how numerous they were in number. Working here, though, she'd probably seen it all. And then some.

She snagged a clean pair of laytex gloves from a box beside her desk and quickly put them on her long, slender hands, walking forward to kneel by me to examine my arm. "I'm Nurse Gainsborough, by the way, but you can call me Aerith."

I nodded at her, wincing slightly as she began to unwind the long bandage. Pulling the gauze that was placed over the stitches from my arm, she let out a happy whistle. "It looks like it's healing perfectly, Zexion. I'll have to take those stitches out in about three days or so, and then you'll only have to come down here once a week for check ups. But until those stitches come out, I'd like you down here every night after dinner, got it?" she said, tearing a clean gauze pad from a wrapper and placing it on my arm, winding the long bandage back around my arm. "There you go, Zexion. You're all set for the day."

"Thanks," I said appreciatively, standing and making my way to the door.

She nodded at me, still smiling. "Just make sure you come down after dinner tomorrow. Don't forget."

"Okay, I'll be here," he agreed.

Once back out in the hall, Yuffie gave me a schedule. "This is what you'll be doing this week. Tomorrow you'll have school in the morning, and then group counseling for two hours from 2 to 4. After that, you'll have arts and crafts for an hour, then free time. But don't worry, Axel will show you where everything is. It's almost impossible to get lost in this place, you know.."

Yuffie walked me back up to the room I now shared with Axel, leaving me with a very cheerful good-bye. Axel was waiting for me when I got inside, sitting antsy on the edge of his bed.

"You were amazing!" he said to me as I walked into the room.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"I've never saw anyone stand up to Larxene before and _survive_. And, best of all, you made Roxas _talk_! He almost never talks unless it's to Namine, who hasn't, like, said a word in her entire life."

"Oh," I said, unable to come up with a witty reply. "I didn't really do anything."

"If you would have made Namine talk, then I'd probably have to bow down and worship you, you know. You did make her smile, though, and that's nearly as good."

o.O.o

That night, after Axel had fallen asleep and I had unpacked all my stuff, I pulled out the composition book Demyx had given me earlier as we said our good-byes.

Opening it, a photograph of the two of us fell out. I immediately remembered when it was taken, the memory vivid in my mind as I recalled last summer when my family had gone on vacation at Destiny Islands like we did every year because Mom was originally from there. Demyx, of course, came with us just as he had been since we were five. Hayner had still been alive then, heart still beating, veins still pumping blood…

In the picture, Demyx and I were both sitting in the sand, building some kind of lopsided sandcastle that had nearly been washed away with the changing of the tide. We were both shirtless, me pale and skinny, Demyx tanned and fit, both of us wearing Hawaiian print swimming trunks. As we grinned up at the camera, it was obvious that we were undeniably happy with our lives and the company we kept.

In the background, I could just make out figure playing in the ocean. My eyes misting, I averted my gaze back to my face, studying the person that I was at the time.

I looked hard at my face studying the goofy smile, knowing that I was sixteen years old, and genuinely happy. But at that point in his life, why wouldn't I have been? I was madly in love with my gorgeous best friend. I was completely happy-go-lucky, carefree, and nothing like the cold, dour person I had become. I'd never even dreamed of cutting himself, thinking that only depressed teenage girls did that after their boyfriends broke up with them.

And best of all, Hayner was still alive.

Why would I look anything but happy?

He stared again at the figure in the ocean. Even from the photograph, Zexion could see that his younger brother looked so bright and alive, hanging on the arm of a blond someone else. Squinting, he couldn't quite make out who the other person was, no doubt the boy they'd brought along with them, Hayner's new friend. But it didn't really matter. All that mattered was Demyx and Hayner. And the fact that they had both been indisputably happy when the photograph was taken.

I hadn't realized that I was crying until I set the photograph aside and picked up the notebook it had fallen out of. Opening it, I saw that Demyx had written something on the first page in his usual untidy scrawl.

Smiling slightly, I began to read….

o.O.o

_Dear Zexion,_

_I knew that if I mailed you a letter then you wouldn't get it for a few days so I did the only thing I could do to ensure you received this as soon as you arrived at Oblivion. Give it to you myself. I wanted you to feel at home right away because I figure the less homesick you are, the less you have getting in the way of you getting better. And I want nothing more than for you to get better as soon as possible. Hell, I miss you already and we haven't even left Twilight Town yet. But that's just me, always the hopeless romantic, always the sap._

_Now, before you start denying this in your head, as I know you will, please read and truly thing about what I have to say. I can't help but feel somewhat responsible for what you've done to yourself. I know you said that it's not my fault, but I can't really believe you. For crying out loud, I was supposed to be your best friend and I let you down in the worst way. I should have noticed because I always prided myself as knowing you better than anyone else in the world and I failed you._

_Despite that, I'm willing to do everything in my power to make your life as normal as it can be now. I know I can never change what's already happened, but I can help you get better. Pretty soon you'll get so tired of me and my letters (that you'll be getting every day, by the way) and constant phone calls that you'll want to get out of there just so you can stop me from harassing you any longer._

_And if hating me gets you out of there, completely healed, then I'm willing to try anything._

_Of course, I don't _want_ you to hate me because I love you so damned much. More than anything in the entire world I love you and want nothing more than to see you better. And the only reason I'm going to fulfill your request of not visiting while you are away is because I love you that much, and I'll do whatever you want. So you had better get well fast because I already have our first date planned out (even though you said you'd take me out) and you will not complain that I'm spending too much money on you. I worked at the grocery store and earned that money myself, therefore can spend it as I see fit._

_I have to stop writing now because you and your parents are about to come pick me up so we can all drive up to the treatment center together, so I'd better get to the point of this notebook. I'd like you to write every single thing that you want to do when you get out, anything, whatever you want, and I'll see that you get to do it. _

_Don't focus on the past so much because, right now, with you, I can see only a bright and dazzling future._

_I love you._

_Love,_

_Demyx_

o.O.o

* * *


	4. Chapter 3:Tale of the Crackpot's Boytoy

* * *

o.O.o

**Razorblade Shine**

**Chapter 3: Tale of the Crackpot's Boy-toy**

**Revised August 7, 2008**

o.O.o

_And anytime you feel the pain_

_Hey Jude, refrain_

_Don't carry the weight of the world_

_Up on your shoulders._

--"Hey Jude" by The Beatles

o.O.o

I'm going to take a small break from my life as far as this story goes, and move on to Demyx for a little while, Demyx being one of the story's main players and just as important to the plot as I, narrator and protagonist, was. I discovered all of this later on, taking just a smidgen of creative license because I wasn't there and didn't know word for word, play for play, what went on. So please forgive a few of my assumptions and kick back, relax, and enjoy…

The drive back to Twilight Town was a long one, longer even than the drive up to Oblivion Treatment Center in the city of Oblivion had been. Mom, Dad, and Demyx were all silent and preoccupied as my dad steered our Honda down the highway, lost in the deep abysses of their own thoughts, no doubt, and I don't mean this to sound egotistical, anxious and worried about me. I couldn't really blame them though, as I've explained my fears in the previous two chapters. I just wished they wouldn't have spent so much time dwelling on what I did and what they _think_ they could have done to prevent it. In truth, the only soul who could have prevented _anything_ was yours truly, but I'll get into that another time, later on in the story.

Demyx later told me that, as the three of them were making the trip home, he felt bad for my parents, worse for them and he even felt bad for himself. But that is just the way Demyx is, caring and empathetic, sympathetic to the highest degree. Just as he had done with my guilt when I'd first hurt myself, he was then taking their pains and fears and guilt and making them his own, if just so they could feel better, feel some of the strain melt away for a little while.

My mother cried most of the way home, a steady and constant stream of tears trickling from her violet eyes. My dad, ever the steadfast mute, simply held her hand the entire way, glancing over at her, worry clear in his eyes, every so often, whenever he thought she wouldn't know that he was looking. My mother was usually so chatty, but even she did not say a word, which I would have found hard to believe if I had not witnessed it on the journey up to Oblivion Treatment Center.

The miles all rolled together in Demyx's head as he mulled the events of the last week over and over again, dwelling especially on the memory of him discovering me on the bathroom floor, bleeding to death. And I would have if he hadn't decided to plan an impromptu visit to my house. He had almost decided to stop at Blockbuster's to pick up some movies to watch before he came to my house but decided against it when he saw how low the cash in his wallet really was. I knew this fact haunted him; if he had had the money, if he had stopped at Blockbuster's for those movies he thought we could watch, then I probably would have been dead right now, far too weak to locate a phone myself to call for an ambulance. I was just glad, for once, that he was broke.

"Would you like something to eat?" my mom asked Demyx at one point, turning around to give him a weary, if not almost completely false, smile.

"Oh, no thanks Mrs. Schemer, I'm not really all that hungry right now," Demyx had told her, attempting to give her a grateful, thankful smile and failing miserably, the muscles in his face barely curling the corners of his mouth up, making him appear more like he was grimacing than actually smiling at her. She paid no attention to his attempt at a smile, instead reverting to Mom-mode. She had always considered Demyx to be as good as a son, one of her boys, and he would be someday. That is, if they ever legalize gay marriage in my state. And Demyx doesn't grow sick of my by then, though I'm secure enough in our relationship to say that that will not happen any time too soon, if, I hope and pry, it ever does.

"Demyx, you have to eat something," my dad said a little too sharply. "I know you haven't eaten anything at all yet today; you're mom even said so before we left your house. She also informed me that you haven't been eating much at all lately except a tub of ice cream that you eat two bites of and then put away back in the freezer. That isn't healthy, Demyx, and you know better. Zexion wouldn't want you to get sick on his account."

Dad's last sentence basically translated to: _eat something, kid, or I'll tattle to my son and you'll never get any. You'll die a _virgin! Of course, we'll never know if that is what my father really meant when he said his little spiel.

I was a little surprised when Demyx told me that my dad had said all that, really letting Demyx have it, when he's always so silent on most subjects. But I supposed that all the stress had been building up, compounding itself until it was no longer manageable unless a little was relieved. And Demyx just so happened to be there.

"Demyx," Mom said, her voice barely above a whisper. "Demyx, you're like a son to me. You _are _a son to me. And I can't lose another baby.

"I know that Zexion and Hayner weren't my biological children, I couldn't have my own, it's why my first husband divorced me, but I love them like I was the one who gave birth to them. I was never happier than the day I married Mitch, the day I was accepted into their family and became their mother. I feel the same way about you. Blood might be thicker than water, but love is far thicker than blood. Zexion loves you, Mitch loves you, and I love you like family. So please, Demyx, Zexion would want to know that you're taking care of your self, sweetheart. He wouldn't want this at all."

My dad's words hadn't left near the impact on Demyx as my mom's had. Mothers instinctively know how to lay thick guilt trips on unsuspecting victims to get them to bend to their will, making you cave at the first sign of a pout. The bad part of it was that, a majority of the time, they, the mothers, didn't even _know _they were laying such a guilt trip on you until you changed your mind did whatever they wanted you to do in the first place.

But she _was_ right; Demyx did need to eat something, even if just the thought of eating churned his stomach. If he kept it up, it wouldn't have been very long until he lost enough weight for it to be noticeable. At that point, he'd only dropped a few pounds from the lack of nutrition, only Demyx himself noticing any difference at all when his jeans fit a bit looser than they had before. But a belt took care of that.

And just as Mom had wanted him to, Demyx caved, just as he always did.

"Okay then," he said, putting as much joy back into his voice as he could for my mother's sake. She _had _said he was like a son to her, and he couldn't deny any sort of heartfelt implications, especially one so big as that.

I think she knew that Demyx loved me, her only remaining son, beyond all imagination, and always had since the two of us were little kids. That I think Mom knew too, that my love for Demyx was comparable, and I think that she was the first to know that our love for each other, once intense friendship, had changed. She was the first to pick up on it, which made now realize all the hints she dropped before all this even happened, back even when Hayner was still.

"I would like something to eat," Dem falsely admitted to her, wearing a convincing sheepish grin. But I'm probably the only one who could have noticed the difference.

Mom's eyes lit up as she directed my Dad to the nearest McDonald's. They drove to the drive through, each of them ordering a burger, French fries, curly in Demyx's case, and a pop.

"Why don't we go eat in that park across the street," Mom suggested, pointing at said little park. It was terribly small with just a slide, swing set, jungle gym, and a few picnic benches scattered throughout. But there were several well-kept flower beds that somehow made the park seem twice its size, full of lilies, daisies, azaleas, and a several other kinds of flowers that Demyx couldn't identify. He also commented that the flowers were surprisingly trample-free, unlike the majority of parks back home in Twilight Town where the kids stomped on the flowers almost just as soon as they were put in the ground. If not the little kids who don't really know better, then Seifer and his immature lot.

Dad and Demyx agreed, smiling at the beautiful spot Mom had picked. Dad pulled the car into the parking lot adjacent to the park.

The park was surprisingly uninhabited, which was strange because school wasn't to start for another couple of weeks yet. But it _was_ a very tiny town they were passing through, population 1092 the sign leading into the town had read.

The three of them got out of the car, Demyx taking a seat across from my parents. He told me they all ate in a near-silence, the few conversations they did have all only lasting a few seconds from after when they started. He'd told me that they all had had other, far more important, things on their minds at the time, i.e. me.

Demyx couldn't really get over the fact that he felt he could have done something, anything, to help me and didn't even notice until it was too late. The memory of me lying on the floor, blood everywhere, was etched inside my brain, as if it was a DVD on a loop, and it didn't seem to be going away anytime in the near future.

He had convinced himself that the most pathetic part of it all was that was that he'd chosen to confess his love for me when I was lying there, half-dead. I just thought that he had one helluva knack for timing.

After the three of them finished eating, they piled back into the car and drove the rest of the way back home to Twilight Town. For the most part, it was another quiet drive, with the exception of the occasional conversation attempt.

"So, Demyx?" Mom had asked him at one point.

"Yes?" he replied, eyes snapping from where they had been staring out the window to look at her half turned head.

"Do you plan on participating in the talent show again this year? You were simply amazing last year," she said, adding, "We all loved seeing you play up on stage."

"Yeah," dad agreed. "I knew you'd been taking lessons for years, but I had no idea that you were so talented. You completely deserved to win that first place trophy."

Demyx smiled, remembering when he'd forced his trophy off on me, threatening to break it if I didn't take it from him to keep. I didn't know why he wanted me to have it when he was the one who'd earned it, but was glad I had it now, smiling at it every morning when I saw it while getting ready for school, remembering that night. I had come so close to kissing Demyx, confessing everything to him right then, but the inopportune timing of doing so when his little brother came rushing up, crushing him in a hug as I had wanted to do as well.

I was positive my parents had seen the trophy in my room at one point or another since then. At the time, Demyx hadn't made up his mind if he would be participating in the talent show that year or not. He later confessed that the main reason he did it last year was because I had encouraged him to show off a little just for one night. But he did decide that if I wasn't out yet by the time the spring talent show rolled around, then he had no clue as to whether or not he would be participating in it.

"Thanks," Dem had replied, blushing slightly at such gracious compliments from my parents.

"It's no problem dear," Mom said to Demyx with a smile. It was the first time in a long while that Demyx had seen her smile, really, truly smile the way she used to all the time.

A while later, Dad pulled the car into Demyx's driveway, Dem getting out of the car.

My mom quickly rolled her window down, poking her head out. "You do know you can stop by any time you want, don't you?" she said as they all waved good-bye. Demyx nodded, smiling at her for her kindness. "Any time you want to come over for dinner or anything, just stop on by." Mom's voice was a little desperate. Demyx thought that if he ever did taker her up on her offer, it would be much more for her sake than his own.

"Thanks, I sure will," he said. "And thank you for taking me with you today."

My mom's face softened. "Of course, Demyx. My son loves you so much, how could I say no?"

o.O.o

Although he never found this out, the next part of Demyx's day had been all my idea, something to get his mind off things so he could have a little fun for a while…

He had barely made it to the front door when a blurry figure came flying out the door, right at him, grabbing his arm and half-tackling him to the ground in the process. As his eyes focused on the brown blob of hair and big blue eyes, he realized immediately that it was none other than his younger brother Sora.

Sora was barely sixteen, the baby of his class, not having his birthday until late July. He and my younger brother Hayner had been in the same grade at school, albeit Hayner being one of the oldest kids in the class. He wasn't very tall in stature, and thin, perpetually young boyish in his innocence of the world. In many ways, Sora was a lot like Demyx, the perpetual optimist, a little naïve, but kindhearted and benevolent to an almost fault. And he, like his older brother, had a way of attracting many people to him, gathering around like moths to a light. And also like Demyx, there was really only one person Sora wanted to be with in the entire world, and that was his best friend Riku.

As I mentioned earlier, Riku is my cousin. He is the true nephew to my stepmom, joining our strange little family when my dad married her. As far as personalities go, Riku is a lot more like me than his like either Sora or Demyx. He's cynical, a bit dour and sarcastic, and doesn't really like a majority of people all that much. But when he loves, it is with his entire heart, and his was just bursting at the seams for Sora, his everything. Their relationship was, in many ways, very similar to that of mine and Demyx's. They had started out as childhood best friends, their love for each other transforming into something more as the years went by, as we all grew up. The difference between Riku and I, though, was that he had the balls to admit to Sora his feelings for him, which Sora readily reciprocated.

Unlike me, Riku has people flocking to him like moths as well, though for different reasons than either Sora or Demyx. For them, it is their personalities; for Riku, it is his looks. Many thought that he should drop out of high school to pursue a career in male modeling. He would be an absolute idiot if he did, but I suppose that is just my opinion. And it's not like he'd ever do that anyway, he's much too intelligent. I knew that Riku always got disgusted the way many of the girls at school would follow him around, tittering behind their hands, eyes trained on him. In all honestly, you couldn't really blame the girls _too _much, they are just hormone-ruled adolescents. His hair was long and silvery straight, long bangs always cutting into his teal eyes. And he was tall, roughly Demyx's height, but slimmer in the waist, and his shoulders weren't as broad. He certainly did have that sort of aloof, bad boy type thing going on for him that for some reason, was attractive. Personally, I would take someone dependable and sincere over a bad boy any day, but I am hopelessly biased, being wholly and completely in love with Demyx and all that jazz. But my cousin wasn't really a bad boy, he just kind of seemed like one because he usually glowered when Sora or someone else important to him wasn't around.

"What are you _doing?"_ Demyx gasped at Sora, lying on the front porch on his back, still too stunned to move. Right then, Demyx decided that his younger brother just plain had way too much energy to be healthy. Not that Demyx honestly had a lot of room to talk, being very similar to his brother in that regard as well.

"Intervening," Sora said as he not sat on Demyx's chest, grinning at him like a Cheshire cat.

"Intervening?" he asked, raising a blond eyebrow.

"Yep," he agreed, "intervening. See, now that Zexion's gone, I just know you'll get all mopey and won't eat unless someone shoves food down your throat. You're supposed to be happy and bouncy like me, but now you're depressed and it's just plain weird! You're really giving our family a bad rep, Demyx. Besides, he'll be back in a few months, just you wait and see!"

Demyx remained quiet, knowing that if he interrupted his brother now, Sora would just start over with his explanation and that was never a good thing. Of course, Sora new fully well what he was doing to his brother, annoying him, teasing him, and knew, most prevalently, how to press Dem's buttons.

"So that's why Riku and I (and Zexion, though you don't know that) came up with a plan. We're taking you bridge diving."

Demyx knew that if he had been standing, his stomach would have immediately fallen right out his butt. But he was still laying on the porch, his brother using him as a Lazy Boy. "No," he said immediately, even before the realization of what Sora had said had the time to sink in. He was going purely off of reflex and _survival_. There was no way in hell he would ever go bridge diving.

"Come on, Dem!" Sora cried enthusiastically, slapping him playfully on the chest. "You have to!"

He shook his head furiously, but, for some reason, let them drag him to Cid's office anyway.

o.O.o

The thing is, Uncle Cid, Riku's dad, married to my mom's older sister Sherra, was completely broke after he graduated high school. Needing a job, any job, he finally got hired at Wonderland Extreme Sports in the next town over, in, you got it, Wonderland. Some crazy guy who went by the name of the Mad Hatter to a real liking to Uncle Cid and got him certified in everything from skydiving to hang-gliding to bridge diving to white water rafting. And after he retired, the Mad Hatter, who liked Uncle Cid best out of all his employees, decided to sell it to Uncle Cid for really cheap. He'd had no children of his own, therefore there was no one to pass it on to.

Uncle Cid had been with Wonderland Extreme Sports ever since, taking over and running it in his own way. Wasn't long before Aunt Sherra joined him at work, handling the paperwork side of things because Uncle Cid wasn't so good at that and would probably forget to pay the bills or something.

Probably the most surprising thing of all, though, is the huge market Wonderland and the surrounding cities seem to have for extreme sports. Uncle Cid and Aunt Sherra, granted, have to use a lot of money to put back into the business, but they (and their employees, who get surprisingly good wages as well) take a lot home.

A because of all this, Riku has always been into extreme sports, getting his best friend Sora hooked as well. Me? Not so much. To tell you the truth, the idea of doing any of these activities scares the crap out of me, but then again, I've never been very athletic. Riku once told me that that was half the fun right there, being scared.

But for as chicken as I was when it came to my family's business, Demyx had always been far, far worse. He hated anything that was fast or off the ground. He refused to go on roller coasters at theme parks and probably wouldn't get into an air plane if you paid him anything short of a million dollars. Even things that weren't fast, that went up slowly and went down slowly, like a Space Needle, were out of the question. Hell, he practically got car sick driving to school each morning, always needing an extra minute to recover before we left the parking lot for the school building.

There _was_ one thing that Demyx absolutely loved, surprisingly enough, that never made him sick to his stomach and didn't scare him. If he could, Demyx would live on a boat, sailing up and down the coast happy as a clam. But he'd always been that way. He loved water, especially the ocean, splashing down in the waves for hours and never tiring of it. Whenever we went on our family vacations to Destiny Islands and took Demyx with us, he always ended up having more fun than Hayner and I put together. If he could have, he would have slept down on the beach, lying in the cool sand happily.

I seriously doubt he would have even come out of the water much all day if it wasn't for me. I could only handle so much sun at a time, being pale and burning very easily. Often times, he would join me under my umbrella, lying with his head on my legs, staring up at me, as I read to him from whatever book I was reading at the time.

I was just glad to know that he seemed to love me even more than the water.

He later told me that he really didn't know _why_ he let Sora and Riku drag him all the way to Wonderland; he didn't really know himself. He said that he hadn't been thinking to clearly of late and if he had, he never, _never,_ would have agreed to what he was about to do.

o.O.o

Peering over the edge, Dem couldn't help but think that bridge diving was a very, very bad idea. He didn't know who he was to test Fate with only a bungee strapped to my ankles. Fate had been tested enough recently, and she isn't always as generous as she had been the last time.

It was a long way down to the river below and, though he knew otherwise, it looked like there were vicious rapids just waiting to gobble his helpless, mangled body right up. He knew that he wouldn't even hit the water because of the bungee's length, but was still scared shitless. Ye gods, was he terrified.

"Are you going do jump or not?" Riku asked him, arms akimbo, wearing his usual slightly cocky smirk.

He told me that he mumbled something in response that even he didn't quite understand.

At that moment, he'd said that he thought only of me, wondering how I was adjusting at Oblivion, wondering how everyone was treating me. Wondering if I was missing him as much as he was already missing me.

Granted, it had only been a couple of hours since he saw him last, but it quite literally felt like eternity. It did to both of us.

So it was with me on his mind that Demyx took the second biggest leap of his life (the first confessing that he loved me more than as a friend). Right off a bridge.

o.O.o

Even hours later, after Sora and Demyx had arrived back home that night, Riku staying the night with Sora, Demyx still had adrenaline pumping ferociously through his veins. The rush was incredible, he'd said, similar to the one that he got whenever I was around him. He felt closer to me than he had in so long, since before we started dating, since before my younger brother died.

It was strange because I wasn't even anywhere near Demyx at the time, yet he could still feel my presence everywhere.

Riku had been right about one thing, though; the terror _was_ half the fun. According to Demyx at least. I still couldn't believe he actually did it.

After traveling up the stairs to his room, he got an epiphany, his creative juices flowing like never before. Grabbing his guitar, he tightened the strings, grabbed the closest pick, and began strumming softly. Demyx's mouth opened and his voice rang out, trembling at first before gaining confidence with the words already engraved into his mind.

It's hard to say where exactly this sudden inspiration came from; I can only say from my heart because that was just the way Demyx was; always thinking with his heart just as much as he loved with it.

After playing it through a few times, he walked over to the computer, hit the record button, and began to play again.

o.O.o

School was never exactly Demyx's strong suit. Sure, he felt completely comfortable if it was gym or music class, A's across the board, but with the required classes like math and English and science... well, it as wasn't pretty.

He wasn't stupid by any means. In fact, I'd always thought Demyx to incredibly intelligent in countless ways. He just had a lot of trouble paying attention in class very much, preferring to daydream about who quite knows what.

I had always been good at school, getting strait A's since kindergarten. That's why it was always so great having me around, Demyx explained. I would tutor him for hours on end, never growing frustrated even long after Demyx had. I always had an overabundance of patience whenever Demyx was concerned. I would pound the information into him until Demyx couldn't help but memorize it.

That was partly why Demyx felt that this school year was going to be such a drag; he was going to struggle and knew it, but he was only upset about the fact that he would be struggling alone.

o.O.o

When we were younger, Demyx and I planned out our entire senior year. Looking back now, it's quite comical, all the things we said we'd do or be. We would have a ton of friends, hot girlfriends, be incredibly popular. The only thing that had the slightest chance of coming true was the fact that we would have each other, and now he wasn't here.

Sora, Riku, and Demyx went to school that first morning, just as they always did, though usually with me as well. But not this time. Riku was driving even though it was Demyx's car. Demyx actually hated driving because it made him extremely nervous all the time.

After getting out of the car that morning, he'd glanced around and knew already that it wasn't going to be a good day. Staring at him and wearing equally sadistic grins were Xaldin and Saix, two seniors like us. They've always been known for their less than conventional lifestyle. We both had always tried to ignore the rumors about the little boys and such, but one always wonders how much truth can actually be found in a rumor of such seriousness.

Ignoring them, Demyx walked into the building with his head held high. We both knew the subject of me was bound to come up at some point or another and he had decided that he was going to be ready for it.

In homeroom, his teacher passed out their schedules. Dem had first period English, second period Geometry, third period Government, fourth period band, fifth period lunch, sixth period Chemistry, and Choir for seventh. Unfortunately, Xaldin and Saix were both in his Government and Chemistry classes. At one point, after Chem, they'd tried to get his attention but he bluntly ignored them, scurrying to Choir.

They did eventually catch up to Demyx, and let me tell you, it wasn't pretty. Believe me, he had the multitude of bruises to prove it.

He had been waiting for Riku and Sora after school in the parking lot, leaning against his car, when he heard a noise from behind him. Whipping around, he saw the two previously mentioned.

"Looky here, Saix," Xaldin drawled. His arms were crossed over his hulking form. "It's little _Dem-Dem_."

"I see him," the blue-haired Saix said, his eyes trailing over Demyx's body. He shifted uncomfortably, choosing to remain silent.

"I hear your friend Zexion was shipped off to the funny farm quite recently," Xaldin said, trying to egg Demyx on. It was working too. Demyx told me that he could feel the rage building inside him, scorching his veins and making his blood boil. His fists clenched tightly down by his sides.

"I hear that you two are _in love_," Saix said, mimicking Xaldin's approach.

"Aren't you going to say anything about it?" Xaldin asked. "After all, you are the crack-pot's little boy-toy, are you not?"

Demyx said that he didn't remember actually doing it, but his fist connected solidly with Xaldin's nose. In his mind, he didn't even have the time to rationalize that both of them outweighed him by at least a good fifty pounds apiece. It's too bad that he'd never been a particularly quick thinker; it would have saved him a lot of pain as the two sadists beat the shit out of him, leaving his broken body behind on the concrete as the walked away laughing.

But before they did such, Saix leaned down to Demyx's nearest ear, a tiny stream of blood visibly trickling from it, whispering, "You tell anybody about this, anybody at all, and we'll do worse to your little nutjob the very next chance we get, maybe pound into his tight little virgin asshole if we feel like it. We'll even let you watch, Demyx. How would you like that? You wanna watch while we take turns ripping your little crazy a new one?"

Xaldin laughed at his friend's words, kneeling down next to Saix. "Hey, that doesn't sound like such a bad idea. Maybe, if we have _that_ to look forward to, we'll drive right up there and do it right now."

"No!" Demyx said painfully, his mouth moving about as quickly as molasses. "Please, don't!"

"Okay, Demyx, but only if you promise us something," Xaldin said, his fingers running through Demyx's bloody scalp.

"You have to keep what happened here a complete secret, or we'll drive right up to the nut house and beat the shit out of him. And then we'll fuck. And then beat him, and fuck him some more. But if you're good, we'll forget this ever even happened. We'll leave both you and your fucktoy alone and we can all go on with our merry lives. Agreed?"

"Agreed," Demyx said, wincing. "I agree, I'll never tell anyone. I'll agree to anything you say, just please, leave Zexion alone."

"Okay," Saix said, "we will. But we'll be back if you ever tell, sure as shit we will."

Each giving Demyx one last painful kick to the stomach, they left.

Demyx rolled over, throwing his lunch up all over the pavement. And then he lost consciousness.

o.O.o

* * *


	5. Chapter 4: Day 1

* * *

o.O.o

**Razorblade Shine**

**Chapter 4: Day 1  
Revised August 10, 2008**

o.O.o

_Nothing out there is ever gonna help me  
all these words I hear spoken  
just promises broken.  
_"Promises Broken" by Soul Asylum

o.O.o

"Zexion," a tall, blond-haired teen said, running long, well-shaped fingers through his own hair nervously. He grinned sheepishly at me, casting his eyes downward before raising them again to meet mine. "Zexion," he whispered again, his hands cupping my cheeks with those fingers that were made perfectly for strumming a guitar or playing a piano.

"Demyx," I sighed, lacing my fingers through his, pulling him closer to me until our lips met. Demyx's breath grew ragged, splaying across my face. I almost cried out right then, but.._._

"Demyx?" an oddly familiar voice asked sardonically. The owner of the voice chuckled, and I could almost see the person rolling their green eyes. Axel.

Only, I had know idea where he was. I mouthed a _sorry_ to Demyx before stealing my gaze around the room, trying to locate and throttle my redheaded roommate for most inconsiderately interrupting us. As far as I was concerned in that moment, I would make sure that he would _never_ get a date with Roxas.

"Zexion, I'm not your boyfriend," his almost nasally voice said, annoying me further. Really, did that even need to be said? As if I could confuse the two of them. "Stop dreaming and get out of bed. But you know, if I _was,_ I'd be totally pissed at you right now because you need to friggin' _eat something. _You are way too skinny to be healthy."

"Wha-?" I asked, my eyes flying open to see Axel standing over me, smirking down. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was tapping his foot loudly on the linoleum floor, his hair, obviously unbrushed, sticking nearly a foot out behind him, waiting to impale anyone who decided to get too close to him. And I bet that it probably could; some of those spikes looked mighty sharp and pointed.

"It's about time you woke up," he sighed, letting his arms fall to his side, slipping into his jean pockets. "I've been trying to wake up you for the past twenty minutes. You just kept going on and on about your lover. You probably said his name, at my last count, roughly nineteen times, although a few of them sounded a _little _more like moans."

I swatted at him blindly, my eyes still adjusting. He, of course, merely had to take a small step backwards to get out of reach for my short, stubby arms. Sighing, I sat up, rubbing my eyes with my good hand and stretching. I threw Axel one last grumpy before flopping back down and pulling the blanket up over m eyes.

I heard him sigh, continuing his foot tapping. "C'mon, Zex, we really need to be down at breakfast in five, like, minutes or else we get locked out."

"Locked out?" I asked, uncovering my face enough to raise an eyebrow.

"Yep, locked out. We don't _really _get locked out, they just won't let you in any longer after a certain time. They think that it's, and I quote, 'our responsibility to take care of ourselves.' So if we're even three seconds late and don't have a good excuse, say sayonara to your omelets. And believe me, sleeping in is so _not_ a good excuse. They'll just laugh at you. Hysterically. And it is a long time until lunch."

Sighing deeply, I rolled out of my bed and headed over to my dresser, pulling out today's outfit, including a string-less hoodie, a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, a pair of boxers, and a pair of socks.

After pulling on my Velcro Vans and running a comb through my hair, careful not to forget to put on a layer of deodorant, I followed Axel from our room, and downstairs to the cafeteria.

"Cutting it pretty close there, boys," Dr. Leonhart said, closing the cafeteria doors behind us with an almost ominous thud after we'd walked through them. But the way that door sounded, I couldn't help but wonder if maybe they really did lock us all in here. Yeah, because that totally was fire safety regulation and all, locking ninety-nine percent of the people in the building inside a cafeteria.

Even after my outbursts yesterday during my appointment while I was in his office, Dr. Leonhart offered me what can only be called a warm smile. Despite the fact that I still felt just the slightest bit frazzled _still_, I smiled back against my will, oddly enough finding my smile to be true despite wanting to get better and the hell out of this place just as quickly as I possibly could.

I never thought that I would actually get homesick, but there I was, longing to sleep in my own bed in the worst way, knowing that Demyx was lying next to me, still awake and watching whatever movie we had decided on long after I had fallen asleep.

In my heart, I longed to be there with him, holding his hand and trying my damnedest to stay awake until the end too, just so I could be awake when he got up to turn the TV and DVD player off, rejoining me back in my bed in the dark. I could see us curling up next to each other, hand in hand, and falling carelessly into dreamland, knowing that we were both in a place where we were loved.

We took our seats at the same table we sat at yesterday, me sitting this time between Axel and Roxas, who looked considerably uncomfortable. More so even than he'd seemed yesterday. But he sure was an odd kid and I didn't understand him.

Axel was right about one thing though, rightly predicting that we would be having omelets for breakfast my first morning during my stay at Oblivion. Also on the menu were sausage, bacon, French toast, waffles, orange juice, and syrup. Considering that this was a nut house, the food was surprisingly good.

Almost reading my thoughts, Axel smirked. "Don't get too used to it, Zexion. Xigbar always goes all out whenever there is a new patient here, but it doesn't take him long before he reverts back to the sawdust green vegetables."

Puzzled, all I could do was nod as if I understood whatever he was saying.

I was waylaid, however, by the crazy cook who "talks like a cross between a surfer and a pirate even though he's probably, like, fifty," as Axel had put it, on my way up to the giant sink where we put our dinner dishes after we were done with them.

"Yo, Cyclops Junior!" Xigbar said, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest, grinning at me through his gnarled face. It probably would have been better if he didn't smile; smiling only made him look more sinister, like he was _pretending_ to be your friend before he disemboweled you. And his voice did in fact sound a bit like a surfer; it was more than a little strange.

"Excuse me?" I asked, perplexed. "Why did you call me Cyclops?"

"Not _Cyclops_. I'm Cyclops," he said as if I was a major idiot. "_Cyclops Junior_ is you! You only have one eye, just like me! So you can be Cyclops Junior."

I raised an eyebrow. "Actually, I have two," I said, brushing my slate bangs from my eyes to show him my other indigo eye. He smirked.

"So you do have two eyes!" he stated, leaning forward to examine my eye, squinting his one uneyepatched eye into focus. "I've only got one," he said as I looked at his eye patch. "That's why they call me Cyclops. I thought that you were like me, that's why I called you Cyclops Junior."

He was getting a bit repetitive, but I decided not to comment. "Oh," I replied faintly, unsure of exactly what to say to this man next. "What happened?" I asked lamely, at an utter loss, glancing at the curved scar he had from jaw to top of the cheek.

He grinned at me toothily, his face taking on that sinister edge again. "Now _that_ is a story. If you want to hear it, come talk to me after dinner tonight here in the cafeteria. Bring your friends; I love a good story-telling."

With that, Xigbar, Oblivion's one and only cook, turned on his heal and walked back into his kitchen, leaving me to stand there and scratch my head.

o.O.o

"What was that all about?" Axel asked me as he lead me off to the classroom.

"What was all what about?" I asked, confuse, painfully reshouldering my backpack.

"With Xigbar back there. You guys were talking for a long time," he prompted, staring down at me expectantly.

"Oh, he told me he'd tell me the story of how he gained the eye patch if I come down to the cafeteria tonight after dinner. Although, I suppose I won't have go down there as I'll already be down there for dinner," I mused, more to myself than Axel.

"He said he'd tell you?" Axel asked me with something that sounded like a mixture of surprise and awe. "You are amazing. You haven't even been here twenty-four hours yet and you've already outsmarted Larxene, got Roxas to talk, and wormed what Oblivion patients have been wondering about for years out of the old goat."

"I not amazing," I said, embarrassed. "He said I could bring my friends, too, because he likes telling the story."

"He said that? Oh Zexion, you have to take me with you!" he begged as we entered the classroom.

I smiled at my energetic new friend. "I was planning on taking you anyway."

"And Roxas? Can I invite Roxas?"

"Of course."

We took two seats in the back of the classroom, behind Roxas and Namine. The shy blond girl smiled me as I sat down before turning around to watch the professor walk into the room. He was tall, thin looking man, with high cheekbones and a gaunt face. He had long, white-blond hair down past his shoulders, to mid back I thought, although I couldn't really see from where I was sitting. Almost empty looking and cold deep set eyes zeroed in on me much the same way a gardener would zero in on a weed that dared pop up in their carefully groomed garden.

"Ah, I see we have a new pupil joining us today," the man said, his voice as emotionless and cold as his eyes. "Your name?" he asked me, clearly not getting the memo on my complete biography that everyone else seemed to have already memorized.

"Uh, Zexion Schemer, sir," I said, looking up at him to meet his steely gaze.

"A fine name," he said, but without any real meaning. "I am Professor Vexen and I shall be your teacher throughout the duration of your stay here at Oblivion Treatment Center. Your high school teachers at your home school have sent your work here for you to do, notes included." Professor Vexen walked to my desk, carrying several books and folders, setting them down neatly. "Oh, and here's a laptop you can use while you're here. You're to just e-mail all your work to your teachers back home as you finish with it." He placed the laptop on the peak of the mound of books on my desk. "Well, why don't you tell us a bit about yourself."

"Well," I began, drawing a blank. "Um, well, I..."

"Any siblings?" he prompted coolly.

"Not anymore," I said quietly, looking down. Roxas breathed in sharply, his eyes swinging to mine from where he sat in front of Axel.

"That's too bad," Professor Vexen said, again as if he didn't really mean it, as if it was a rehearsed and acceptable thing to say in such a situation so he wouldn't get labeled as completely aloof and indifferent. "Everyone, get to work."

I had to fight off the wave of tears that always accompanied merely thinking of my younger brother. As nonchalantly as I could, I quickly wiped my eyes with the back of my sweatshirt sleeve, noting the couple of damp spots now in the fabric.

"Are you okay?" Axel asked worriedly from the seat next to me. I nodded, refusing to look at him.

Immersing myself in my work was the only way to distract myself from my sudden bout of melancholy. Picking up my AP Government book, I opened it and began reading the first chapter on the Constitution, noting that it was all information that I had memorized back in the sixth grade, but in greater detail.

There was a series of questions to answer afterwards, including a short essay on the Constitutional Convention and the differences between the New Jersey and Virginia plans. It took me approximately forty minutes to complete the reading, the questions, and the essay, after which I moved on to my Physics and then Calculus homework. I was halfway through my AP English assignment (chapters 1-4 of Return of the Native by Thomas Hardy, gag me), when we were excused for lunch at the noon hour.

After eating undeniably the best pizza I, to this very day, ever had in my entire life, we went back to the classroom for another two hours of class. I quickly finished the English assignment, then emailing the entirety of my day's work back to my school. I was also warned that I'd be having a quiz over the first four chapters of Return of the Native the following day.

With an hour and fifteen minutes left of class time to go, I surfed the net for information on the Bill of Rights paper I was to turn in by Monday. Sighing in the relief that Oblivion did not, in fact, have a watch dog security system like the one at school, I was able to access a couple different sites, gaining every little tidbit I could possibly ever want to know on the Bill of Rights.

We were to give examples of how they each apply to our daily lives as well, which I found particularly easy. Just to be on the safe side, I incorporated several court cases that applied to the Bill of Rights in my notes, having a proper outline drawn up by the time school was over.

As we were leaving the classroom, Professor Vexen said, "Go to arts and crafts now. Group counseling has been pushed back to three today, running until five. And I better not catch any of you trying to cut out of arts and crafts, either," he said, his steely eyes trained on Larxene. "The arts stimulate the brain, making you into more open-minded and creative thinkers. Now go."

With that, Professor Vexen walked out of the classroom, his brief case in hand, closing the door as the last student, a petite girl I didn't recognize, left the room.

"Why is it that the school days here seem to last longer than the ones back home?" Axel grumbled as we exited the classroom, heading down to the arts and crafts room.

"Minimal social interaction," I replied seriously. "Sure, there are plenty of people to talk to, but it is the same group all day, every day."

Not that I was complaining, though, as I worked better that way myself. I had turned into something of a loner after Hayner died, but didn't really mind the limited social interaction in the slightest. I just wished I was with Demyx, he's all I needed.

"Yeah, I think your right. Not enough talking to Roxy time."

Arts and crafts turned out to be quite an interesting affair. The class itself was instructed by a grumpy looking man named Auron, who wore a lot of red. His hair was the traditional salt and pepper and he, too, had a scar upon his face, which could only be half seen due to a very tall collar. He nodded at me as I walked in, introducing himself and handing me a sketchbook and a tin of graphites. Again, I sat at a table with Axel, Roxas, and Namine. Rikku, too, joined us, evening out our circular table with five chairs.

I noticed that Axel and Rikku were chatty enough for all five of us, monopolizing the conversation, but no one else seemed to really care. I was content to just sit there and focus on the sketch I was doing of the photograph Demyx had given me via notebook. The hour itself passed by quickly enough and, before I even knew it, was over. When the bell sounded at three, Axel rushed up, saying he had to stop at our room before group. The class filed out, leaving me to clean up my pencils.

As I walked from the room, I heard a voice call my name. "Zexion?" The voice itself was feminine and delicate, like the soft wings of a butterfly or a rose petal.

Turning, I saw Namine standing there, her big blue eyes slightly nervous, slightly timid as she looked up at me, not that she had very far to look. Surprised, I asked, "Yes?"

Her face grew as serious as her cobalt eyes became mysterious. Reaching into her tote bag, she withdrew what appeared to be a notebook or something of the like. Handing it over to me, I saw that it was her sketchbook, small tattoo-like designs plastering the cover of it. I moved to open it, but she shook her head. "Please wait until later, Zexion. I have something more important to say first."

Frowning at the sudden severity her voice had taken, I asked quickly, "What is it, Namine?"

She sighed, her blue eyes trained on me. "He's sorry, you know. Even though it wasn't his fault, he's sorry." She was gone before I could even ask exactly what she meant by that.

_He's sorry._ _Even though it wasn't his fault, he's sorry._

Who was sorry? And about what? Why would anyone be sorry for something they didn't do? And if they _did_ do something, they what the hell was it?

Once she was gone, I opened the sketch book and promptly dropped it to the ground, letting out a surprised, if not stunned, yelp. Leaning down to pick the sketchbook back up, I saw that it was a picture, granted, a sketch, but so life-like, of me, Demyx, and Hayner, along with another, shorter person with a blurred face, sitting in the sand at the beach and laughing like none of us had a care in the world.

My heart began to race.

How on earth could Namine possibly know about that day? It's true that I did have that photograph Demyx gave to me with me at the table, but the scene wasn't the same, with Hayner just a tiny spec in the background. And in her sketch, his face was so detailed, so lifelike. I didn't understand how she could draw Hayner like that, as I saw him while he was alive, not unless she knew him. Really knew him as I did. Or had.

I had never before even seen Namine until I came to Oblivion yesterday. But surely, that didn't mean Hayner never had. For all I knew, she could have been one of his classmates, as traumatized by his death as the rest of us had been.

In the sketch, my little brother was wearing the smile that he reserved only for those he was closest with, his family and friends. His gave fell upon the boy next to him, the one with the blurry face.

"You'd better get a move on," Auron said from his desk.

"Right," I said, closing the sketchbook, quickly slipping it into my bag, and exiting the room.

"Group is just two doors down, to the left," he called after me.

"Thanks!" I replied, walking past one door before turning into a room and taking the one free seat left, next to Axel, who had clearly been saving the seat for me, and on the other side of Sephiroth.

The seats in this room were arranged in a circle, a patient fill every one. There were several somewhat motivational posters on the walls, odd ones that I had never seen before, probably with good reason, saying things like _Success can only ever occur after the suc!_ and _Don't be ashamed; it's just a sham!_

I don't know about your school, but I'd never seen such posters hanging on the walls in mine. But then again, Twilight Town High hadn't changed at all from the 1970s when my dad went to school. I peered into his old yearbooks from time to time, only to discover that everything was still in exactly the same place.

All the furniture was the same as well, and there was still a desk sitting in there that my dad told me he had carved into while he dated my birth mom in high school: MS+LA4-ever, or something to that extent. I had actually sat in that desk for a semester last year in Mr. Lewis' AP Biology class. It had left a strange, sad smile on my dad's face after I'd told him about it.

"Sorry that I'm late," Dr. Cloud Strife said, striding into the room, and pulling up a chair just like everyone else, sandwiching it between Marluxia and a boy that I didn't know. I immediately knew that this had to Dr. Strife by the way Sephiroth breathed in sharply and shamelessly as the blond man walked in, practically rolling on the floor swooning.

Dr. Strife was of average height, five feet eight inches or so, with unruly spiky hair, precisely what one would call gravity-defying, and cornflower blue eyes. He was young looking, early twenties and had a muscular build but wasn't quite bulky but would have been if he was any shorter or if his shoulders were any broader.

Overall, he was a very good-looking man and he looked like the kindhearted sort.

Dr. Strife's eyes glanced around the circle, landing on each person in turn, quickly glancing at Sephiroth uncomfortably before moving on. "We have a new person joining our group today. His name is Zexion Schemer and comes to us from Twilight Town. Is there anything you'd like to add to that, Zexion? They put so little into these files."

"Well, I'm seventeen and a senior at TTHS. I'd like to go away to school next year at Radiant Gardens University," I said, racking my brain for information on myself. Which in itself was odd. Who could possibly know me better than me? Demyx probably did.

"That's good, that's good," Dr. Strife said. "Does anyone have any questions for him?" he asked, looking around the circle.

"I have one," Larxene said sardonically, her face scornful. "How long have you gotten it up for guys?"

"Larxene!" Cloud said. "That is a completely inappropriate question."

"No," I said, glaring at the blond girl's antenna. "It's okay, I'm not ashamed to answer. I guess I've known that I was gay for a while now, though the word gay itself is a little misleading. For me, it's only Demyx. He's been my best friend since birth practically. I guess I've been in love with him for as long as I can remember."

"Are you sure that you're comfortable talking about this?" Cloud asked me sincerely. I nodded in affirmation. "Okay," Cloud began again, "does anyone else have anything to add to that?"

"I have nothing against men loving men," Sephiroth said, gazing at Cloud with what can only be described as longing of the most intense nature.

"That's good, Sephiroth," Cloud said, averting his eyes, knowing all too well that his patient's feelings towards him were anything but platonic. "Anyone else?"

"I don't have a problem with men liking men either," Axel said truthfully.

"Of course you don't you friggin' pedophile, you're in love with a little fifteen year old boy," Larxene scoffed.

"Sixteen," Roxas said, not looking up from his fingers that he was intently staring at. "I just turned sixteen."

"Larxene, seriously, I really don't want to have to kick you out of today's session. Don't make me," Cloud warned her. She simply glared at him, crossing her arms over her flat chest.

"I don't care either way," Marluxia said, examining his nails with a mild interest. "As long as the person is happy."

"Like you aren't totally gay, Flower Boy," Sephiroth said, rolling his eyes at the pink-haired teen.

"I'm not," Marluxia admitted. "I might be bi, I don't know, but I do like girls."

"Whatever," Sephiroth said, no doubt mind-fucking Cloud.

"I got a letter from my cousin today," Rikku said brightly. "She lives in Besaid and told me that the blitzball season is starting up again. Her boyfriend is on the team"

"That's great," Cloud said in his soft-spoken manner, offering Rikku a genuine smile.

"_Simply wonderful," _Larxene agreed sarcastically, huffily crossing her arms over her chest again.

"Agreed," Marluxia said. Rikku was completely oblivious to the implied ridicule, grinning around at us all happily. In truth, I felt a bit bad for her. I smiled at her in return.

"What about you, Namine?" Cloud asked. "Have you gotten any letters recently?" Not looking up, she nodded once. Cloud smiled at her. "Who was it from?" She remained silent as the dead. Smiling at her again.

"Marluxia? What about you? What's been going on in your life lately?"

"Well," Marluxia began, still examining his nails, though without the same level of interest as before, "yesterday I called my mom. She said some kid set her mailbox on fire."

"Really?" Axel asked, leaning forward in his chair, ever the pyro.

"Don't get too excited, Red," Larxene muttered, "you won't be getting off on fire tonight. They took all your lighters and matches away, remember?"

"Larxene," Cloud said, his voice full of warning.

"Yes," Marluxia said scornfully. "It was completely undignified. I don't know why anyone would do such a thing. It was probably that stupid Thompson brat from two doors down. He'd always doing that sort of thing."

I had know idea who 'that stupid Thompson brat from two doors down' was, but I did see the way Axel's eyes lit up at the mere mention of fire, dimming visibly once he realized that he wasn't supposed to get excited about that sort of thing anymore, that he was here to recover.

Cloud frowned at Marluxia. "Why would your neighbor set your mailbox on fire?" he asked.

"I don't know," he mumbled, clearly wanting to end the subject. He'd probably only mentioned the mailbox because it was the only thing he could think to say. "But next time I see little Robbie Thompson, I'll be sure to ask him and then send you the memo, Dr. Strife."

And Cloud actually laughed then, his whole face lighting up. From the corner of my side, I saw/heard Sephiroth hiss sharply, clutching his stomach as he watched the good doctor in a cross between fascination and aching.

"Oh Jesus," Larxene said, her voice derisive. "Just fucking ask him to your room later, will you Seph? It'll save everyone the pain and discomfort of having to watch you pant over Blondie day after fucking day!"

Cloud's congenial laughter stopped abruptly, his face growing quickly stern. Standing up, he was about to say something no doubt when I did instead.

"Larxene," I said, looking at her pointedly. "If we wish to hear you bitch, then we'll ask you a question. But until then, please leave the room. There's no doubt in my mind that Dr. Strife was about to ask you to do so before I rudely interrupted him. And I apologize for that," I said, quickly looking over at him before continuing on. "But until then, just get the fuck out."

My voice had been steely the entire time, no trace of emotion betraying my almost monotonous speech. Satisfyingly, I watching Larxene's face redden with anger and embarrassment, her green eyes narrowing to tiny slits.

She stood then, opened her mouth once to say something, but thought better of it, quickly closing it again. Throwing me one last deprecating glare, she stormed out of the room, slamming the door loudly behind her.

For a moment, everyone was speechless until Axel finally turned to me, saying softly, "Wow, it's about time."

Cloud looked at me with only a mild chastisement before nodding almost imperceptibly to me for keeping my cool the entire time.

From across the room, Roxas looked up at me. "You deserve a gold medal, Zexion, you really do." The best part was, he was actually smiling.

"Yeah," Axel agreed, voice still awed.

"Now," I said, turning to look at Rikku, smiling softly at her, "do you come from Besaid too? I know you said that your cousin lived there."

Glee lit up her face. "Oh no! I'm from the Bikanel Desert. I live in a place there called Home!" And so on…

o.O.o

"Namine!" I called to her as she scampered from the room after group. The sketch she'd given me had taken a slight back seat during group counseling due to the events that took place, but I hadn't forgotten about it entirely. She slowed to a stop, waiting for me to catch up to her.

"Namine, please, you have to explain a few things to me. How did you know that my family went to the beach? How did you know what my brother looked like? And Demyx? And who's the person with the blurry face?"

"I knew this was coming," she said in her soft, delicate voice. "I'm sorry that I can't elaborate much on what I said any further. It just wouldn't be right."

"What do you mean?" I asked, now fully confused.

"I can't tell you that. But I _can_ tell you that everything will come to light in good time."

"And about my brother? How did you know what he looked like?"

"To tell you that, I'd have to tell you how I came to be here to begin with."

"We have time. It's free time now," I stated simply. The two of us began down the hallway, strolling slowly

"Ever since I was a little girl, I've been able to draw things," she began as we walked into the doors of the rec room.

"What kind of things?" I asked.

"Things that I couldn't possibly know about. Things that happened long in the past. Things that are happening now, on the other side of the world even. And things that haven't happened yet."

"What are you saying? That you get some kind of premonitions and you draw them?" I asked incredulously.

"Not quite," she admitted. "I don't know what I'm drawing, or anything that's going on really, until after it's done, until I look at it."

I scrutinized her face, my eyebrows scrunched together. Her face was so serious that I wanted to believe her, but something held me back.

"Look at this," she said, pulling another sketchbook from her backpack. "I didn't want to show you this one. I drew it a week ago today."

"A week ago today I still was in the hospital," I said, eyeing the page she flipped it open to.

"Yes," Namine said quietly. "I know that."

I had a similar reaction to this drawing of hers as I did the last one. My heart beat so fast that I think it perhaps skipped a beat or two. The sketch was of the day that I went too far, the day I cut myself too deeply and bleed on the floor until Demyx came and called the ambulance for me. In the picture, Demyx was holding my unconscious form in his arms, tears streaming from his eyes as he looked down at me.

It was then that I believed her. How else could she have known the exact detail of my bathroom, that there was a tile missing from the corner of the floor and that, despite the fact that there were four hooks to hang a towel from, I only ever hung mine from the second one from the left.

Looking at her, I said simply, "That's amazing."

"I suppose it is," she half-heartedly agreed. "It's the reason I ended up here to begin with. It terrified my mom and she just couldn't handle it, especially after my dad left us."

"I'm sorry," I said sincerely.

"And I'm sorry about Hayner," she answered quietly. "I really am."

o.O.o

* * *


	6. Chapter 5: Dreamland

* * *

o.O.o

**Razorblade Shine**

**Chapter 5: Dreamland**

**Revised August 10, 2008**

o.O.o

_When everything feels like the movies  
Yeah, you bleed just to know your alive._  
--"Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls

o.O.o

"Demyx?" a very familiar voice asked him, trying his hardest to coax Demyx into consciousness. "Are you awake, Demyx?" the same voice asked, patient and steadfast in his endeavors.

Demyx tried his hardest to focus on the voice, concentrate on it, use it to guide him to the land of the wakeful and conscious. Focusing on the voice's tone, the voice's timber, he tried again to place, but couldn't.

But it was just so _familiar, _surely a voice he had heard thousands upon thousands of times throughout his lifetime, on a daily basis it would seem. Or at least it should have_._

"Were arm eye?" Demyx asked with much difficulty, having yet to open his heavy eyelids that seemed as if only a crowbar and a ton of patience would lift them.

What he couldn't figure out was exactly why he was having so much difficulty speaking, tongue heavy and swollen in his mouth, lips parched and cracked and bruised. And if he ran his weighted tongue along the inside of his mouth, he felt tenderness wherever it skimmed, hissing painfully at a particularly sore place where his teeth had obvious cut into his skin. It also felt as if something was inhibiting the movement of his jaw, perhaps the source of the tenderness? Demyx speculated.

"You're in the hospital, Demyx," that same voice replied sincerely. Demyx could hear the carefully hidden traces of worry in the voice that the owner was trying so hard to keep hidden.

He felt someone's fingertips touch his arm, the warmth spreading up to his shoulder in a quick and pleasant motion. The small gesture felt loving, as if this person cared for Demyx a great deal. And surely they did, or why else would they work so hard to disguise the blatant worry, why else would they work so hard to protect Demyx feelings as they had?

He thought about it for a moment and realized that he couldn't quite really remember what exactly a hospital was. It was on the tip of his tongue. He knew that he had been to one recently, no more than a few days or a week ago. Demyx knew that it was a place he had come to sporadically throughout his lifetime, but not often.

Giving it some greater thought, squeezing his eyes tightly shut to shield out the light, he pondered the information at hand. It appeared that he had a loss of my memory. Clearly a hospital was something everyone knew what was. Vague flashes of a television show that he liked to watch flashed through his head about a grumpy man with a cane who worked in a hospital. He didn't exert too much thought on that notion, though it probably would have helped him reach his conclusion that much faster.

Going over the evidence again him wonder what exactly causes one to lose some of their memories? A little more thinking and he remembered that Alzheimer's made people lose their memories. But he was young. Or at least he thought he was young because his hands felt smooth and wrinkle free, the skin still taut.

But he couldn't really remember.

Head injuries made people forget things too. And that seemed the more likely of his two guesses. So if he was injured and in a hospital, then that must have made a hospital some kind of place where people go to have their injuries treated.

And then everything started snapping back into place.

Demyx's powers of deduction are quite amazing if I do say so myself with my most uncompromising and unbiased opinion.

The blanks filled in, the slots packed, and he knew immediately who he was talking to. "Shora?" he asked groggily, having the same difficulty of moving his mouth as before.

"Yeah, Dem, it's me," Sora replied, sighing in relief. Demyx's little, happy-go-lucky brother. Demyx was so glad that Sora was there.

"Wha happened?" Demyx asked, slurring my words horribly.

Opening his eyes, using metaphorical crowbars to force them to open, was also difficult as they felt swollen, but why? Focusing on Sora, Demyx's vision was blurred, only hazy, indistinct images filtering in through the pupils. Sora's chocolate spiky hair appeared to him as a giant, brown poof of cotton candy sitting atop his head, his tanned skin blurring into his facial features, blue eyes like dark pools of ambiguous miasma.

Bracing his arms on either side of him, Demyx tried to sit up without success. Pain shot through his left arm and ribs, and he noticed for the first time the numb edge that filled his entire body.

"You were beat up," Sora said solemnly from where he sat at the side of the bed. And Demyx knew then that it must have been bad; Sora was never solemn.

"Bea up?" he asked, blinking blearily. Sora was swimming before his very eyes, three cotton topped Soras weaving in and out of his line of vision as if his little brother had become some kind of eclectic, new age dancer.

"Yeah," Sora began, gently taking his older brother's hand in his own, "Riku and I found you lying in the parking lot after school yesterday. It was awful." Sora's voice cracked as he said this, trying his best to suppress the sob that threatened to shake his body.

"Oh," Demyx said vaguely, now remembering all too well the looming faces of Saix and Xaldin as their fists connected with his face, as their feet crushed into his back, as their breath streamed on his ear as they threatened me with all varieties of horrors.

The sudden shooting pain at the smallest movements, the flashing, white spots in his vision, the dull and numb ache in his body; all explained by the breaking of his body by two of the schools biggest and baddest.

Demyx shuddered painfully at what they promised if he ever opened his mouth, if he ever told on them, of what they did and what they threatened.

"Everyone's been so worried," Sora went on, sighing softly, just glad that Demyx was finally awake now, glad that his mind could take a vacation from Worryland, where it had been unconsciously retreating since he and Riku had first found Demyx the day before. "You were sleeping so long, Demyx, and we had know idea what happened, not the slightest clue as to who did this to you." Sora paused for a moment, his thumb tracing reassuring circles in Demyx's bruised hand, then asking, "Well?"

"Well wha?" Demyx asked, his voice faltering. His jaw was loosening up just a little bit but it was still incredibly laborious forming words. And he didn't bother articulating as it took twice the concentration and double the effort.

"Who did this, Demyx?" Sora asked pleadingly, his face so sincere and contrite, tears swimming in his innocent big blue eyes.

Sora never could stand to see anyone else in pain, especially the ones he loved most in the world. It affected him in a way I'd never really seen with anyone else, rivaled in this only by his older brother. It was as if Sora, or Demyx too for that matter, although not in this case, could take some of your pain and sorrows and make it his own, just so you wouldn't hurt quite so much.

He would smile at you and tell you everything would be alright, and you'd believe him, lap up his every word. I knew; he'd done the same thing for my after my brother died. But I honestly wouldn't have expected anything less. The brother, Sora and Demyx, they took care of their own.

But that was just Sora.

Sadly, because they both shared this similar trait, Sora's pain-taking did not work on Demyx. My boyfriend merely remained resolute in his anguish, believing wholly that my fate was in his nervous and trembling hands.

And again, Saix and Xaldin's faces swam before him in clearer, more precise images. Their faces painted in twin grins of malevolence as they bent down to whisper in my ear.

'_You tell anybody about this, anybody at all, and we'll do worse to your little nut job the very next chance we get, maybe pound into his tight little virgin asshole if we feel like it. We'll even let you watch, Demyx. How would you like that? You wanna watch while we take turns ripping your little crazy a new one?' _Saix had said to him.

'_Hey, that doesn't sound like such a bad idea. Maybe, if we have that to look forward to, we'll drive right up there and do it right now,' _Xaldin had agreed, grinning down at Demyx gleefully, knowing full well how they were making him suffer.

Then Demyx begged, begged those pieces of vermin.

'_Okay, Demyx, but only if you promise us something,' _Xaldin alleged, taunting Demyx.

And Saix forced him to agree, saying, '_You have to keep what happened here a complete secret, or we'll drive right up to the nut house and beat the shit out of him. And then we'll fuck. And then beat him, and fuck him some more. But if you're good, we'll forget this ever even happened. We'll leave both you and your fucktoy alone and we can all go on with our merry lives. Agreed?'_

And then Demyx had pleaded with them, begged them to leave me alone, promising them he'd never tell, not anyone.

But even after they had what they wanted, had bought his silence with their threats, they each kicked him again, hard, Saix promising that they'd be back if he ever did say anything.

And how I hated them. Not yet, obviously, as I didn't know who did this to Demyx until much later on. And at that point, I didn't even yet know he was hurt. But when I did find out, when I did know, I felt like killing them. I wanted to, wanted to more than I had ever wanted anything in my life. They deserved it for hurting the person I loved the most in the entire world, and it took everything in me to restrain myself from doing so.

Eventually, they _did_ get what they deserved, but I'll go into detail about that another time, several chapters from now.

Demyx breathed in sharply, several small intakes of air filling his lungs in a short, choppy motion. It hurt his chest and ribs a bit to inhale that way, but he couldn't control his breathing patterns. There was no way Demyx could let them do that to me, no way in hell. In his mind, he'd rather die than see me get hurt again, by anyone. Particularly something so awful as what they promised.

But in all honestly, Demyx was petrified. Petrified that they would make good on their promise and actually go through with their plan, even if he never told anyone. Terrified that they would go too far simply because they were so out of control, because they wanted to and because they could.

Demyx had, at the time of when I was still in the hospital after hurting myself, designated himself as, basically, my keeper. He vowed to take care of me and protect me and keep me from any harm that he could. He had promised himself that he would do anything, _everything _in his power to not only love me the way I needed to be loved, but sacrifice himself for me if I ever needed it.

And that's why Demyx lied.

Reasoning with himself, Demyx knew that there were few things in this world that he hated quite as much as he hated as liars, child molesters, serial killers, and rapists, all four earning the top spot.

I had once told Demyx that he was innocently honest, that he could tell a nine month pregnant woman, big as a boat and ready to pop at any given second, that she looked beautiful and she'd believe it because he actually did. I had told him that he just exuded that kind of perpetual and inconsequential honestly.

But Demyx knew that he was somewhat naive and tended to overlook many things that stared him straight and blatantly in the face, such as him best friend, also know as your truly, was cutting himself. He know that there were many things in the world that he just didn't understand, but you would never catch him making up stories to cover up for it. Demyx just don't believe in it.

My words had stuck with him over the years, slicing him deeply as, despite everything he stood for, he lied right to his little brother's face. And it broke his heart to do so.

"I don' know," Demyx replied, staring down at his swollen fingers where they still entwined with Sora's. Demyx winced visibly as a lightning hot pain seared through his head.

"Are you okay, Demyx?" Sora asked his older brother.

"Yeah," Dem replied vaguely, trailing off. "I'm okay."

And you should have seen the way Sora's wounded eyes teared up when he realized there would be no justice for the pain his older brother had been put through. He just hated the way he knew that he was hurting his little brother, perhaps the person who looked up most to him in the world even though they only had roughly a year of difference between their ages.

But the pain didn't matter to Demyx, nothing really did, just as long as Xaldin and Saix stayed away from me. In his mind, he'd decided that if they decided they needed payment, he would make sure that it was himself that they beat the shit out of. That much he could, if necessary, handle. Of that much he was sure. He didn't know if he would be able to survive the other thing they promised though.

"Are you sure...?" Sora asked in a voice, so quiet Demyx could scarcely hear him.

Demyx couldn't meet Sora's eyes.

Other than me, Sora knew him best in the world. Demyx knew that Sora would probably know if he was lying, but he did it anyway, believed that he had to. You should have seen the utter disappointment in Sora's eyes.

And Sora had always looked up to Demyx, my boyfriend reasoned, near idol-worship for Christ's sake, and he was letting him down. No, he was _disappointing_ him, and that, my faithful readers, is by far worse. Under any conditions.

Disappointment cut you in a way that hate never could simply because you're left with the constant notion that you let a loved one down, that you didn't meet their standards, leaving you forever wondering if you ever would. If you could ever prove to be the person that you were, the person that they loved and wanted back.

"Demyx," Sora said softly. "Please Demyx. What if they do it again? I know that that parking lot was filled with people who saw what happened, but for some reason, no one wants to say anything. This leads me to believe that the person, or people, who did this to you are intimidating, someone that they wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley."

Demyx forced himself to look into Sora's eyes, literally forced himself not to crack while his brain was screaming _'hypocrite!' _so loudly that he thought his ears might bleed just a little. "Honestly Shora, I don' know who did it. I don' even wemember it happ'ning, not any of it."

Sora nodded solemnly, with such finality. Sighing deeply, he gently squeezed Demyx's hand before adding, "Okay then, but the police are going to want to question you about it. They were here yesterday and said they'd come back once you woke up."

"Can' yoo jus tell 'em tha I don' wemember?" Demyx asked desperately. For as hard as it was to lie to his brother, it would be harder to lie to a cop because he knew he would never get away with it as they were trained to spot liars a mile and a half away. Sora would, _could_ let it go. For now, anyway. He would know that Demyx had his reasons for what he did, for why he lied. In a day or two, he might push again, but stop once Demyx had yelled at him, probably making him cry. He felt like the world's biggest bastard right about then.

Sora shook his head sadly. "No way, Dem, I just can't do-"

Demyx never got the chance to find out what exactly Sora couldn't do, though he assumed it had to do with telling the cops to leave him alone, because at that moment, Riku walked into the room carrying a couple of bottles of Gatorade and a bag of off brand cheese puffs. For a kid who worked out seven days a week, Riku sure ate a large amount of junk food, particularly anything with artificial cheese on it. The kid had a real affinity for artificial cheese.

Riku grinned, the smile easy on his face, though they were only ever directed to a select few. As of late, since Hayner's death and my personality transformation, I could give my cousin a run for his munny in the stone-cold-silent-loner category. But I had known Riku since he was a baby and was, fortunately, one of those select few who were more than tolerable, but liked. And that list only extended to about sever or so people on this entire planet, including his parents, Sora's parents, and Demyx.

Despite the fact that he rarely smiled whenever Sora was not around, he had a face made for smiling. He had the sort of sex appeal that women (and men, of course, since nearly all the guys in this fic are gay) go crazy. A small grin, a flip of his long, silky hair and they were putty.

He was one of those guys who could get you to do whatever he wanted, jump off a cliff at a whim, and you would do it. And gladly at that. He just had that sort of charm. The thing about Riku was that he never used this power. I don't know if it was the fact that Sora kept him grounded or his limitless self control, but he never abused those God-given gifts that so many would have given their left nut (and possibly right too if they were desperate enough) to possess.

He was, however, quick-tempered--don't ever mess with someone he cares about, just a quick warning in case you ever find yourself face to face with him--and didn't like those he loved to be abused. Once he got suspended for a week simply because someone had called Sora a midget and it pissed him off. That kid's nose has never been the same.

But Riku is also incredibly intelligent, testing into the genius level IQ-wise. They wanted to ship him off to a special school years ago, but he stayed. Only one reason I could ever think of as to why he stayed. For the same reasons I did when they'd tested me, wanting to ship me off as well. Love.

"You're awake," Riku said, handing Sora an orange Gatorade, keeping the yellow one for himself.

"Yea," Demyx said somewhat stupidly, still reeling from how terrible he felt for lying to his brother. The real difference, I supposed, between lying to the cops and lying to Sora was that he wouldn't even feel guilty for lying to a cop. Granted, they would probably catch him at it before he had even finished his first sentence, he figured, but he sure as hell wouldn't feel bad about it.

Surprisingly enough, the not-so-intelligent cops (understatement, understatement) bought Demyx's every word with only the occasional nod of acknowledgment. Twilight Town was good-sized, with a surprisingly high crime rate. The police force didn't really have the time to waste on investigating beat 'em ups at the high school as they happen all the time.

"Just for clarification purposes," one of the cops said, his pen to a notepad as he scrawled down Demyx words, "can you repeat everything from the beginning?"

"Well," Demyx began, "I do wemember goin' to mah locker aft' school tah drop off a few books and then going' out tah mah car. I wemember leanin' against the car tah wait for my brother and a friend, but after tha, it's completely hazy. Never a clear look at the face, not even a voice. Came up from behind meh or somethin."

The cop jotted this all down in his notepad and closed it, stuffing it into a pocket on his belt. "Thanks for your time, kid. We'll get right on this. If you remember anything more, give this number a call." He handed Demyx a card with his name on it.

"Thanks," Dem said wearily, slumping quite a bit.

Truthfully, he was exhausted. The nurses had put some kind of painkiller into his IV and he was getting groggy. The last thing he really remembered from that day was Sora's eyes, so sad, so hurt.

Through his falling eyelids, Demyx wanted to remind Sora that it was the older brother's job to protect the younger, not the other way around, but he was asleep before he could form the words.

Less than blissfully, he drifted off into dreamland.

o.O.o

Even before Demyx left the hospital (they held him a total of three days in a crappy room without a phone and with only a broken TV that had two channels, the Spanish channel and Food Network, which was at least in English) he made the conscious decision not to tell me about what happened on that first day of school.

Demyx believed that I had enough problems that needed my full attention and, at the time that he didn't want to bog me down with another, rather trivial one. It wasn't the first time Demyx had been beaten up, doubtfully would be the last, and wasn't even the first time he was ever in the hospital, Demyx reasoned. He _had_ had his tonsils out when he was six.

Subconsciously, he knew that _not _telling me was going to probably end up kicking himself in the ass in a way he had never quite experienced. The chances of me finding out about it from someone else were great, but he took the risk, desperate to protect me, to save me.

In all our years of friendship, since birth really, Demyx and I... well, we've never really had a fight. Sure we had disagreements about this and that, but never anything that ever caused us to raise our voices in anger.

Demyx was terrified of me finding out, but was even more scared that Saix and Xaldin would follow through with their threat. He was willing to risk my love for my life, completely willing.

o.O.o

After depositing his one small bag of clothes, along with all the other junk Sora had brought to him while he was at the hospital, in his bedroom, Demyx carefully laid down on his bed and downed a pain pill. His ribs had been killing him ever since they'd stopped dumping Morphine into his IV. A tragedy, really.

Staring up at the ceiling, Demyx couldn't help but smile, remembering the hours he and I had spent putting up glow in the dark stars. I wanted to just put them up there, possibly make the signs of the zodiac, but Demyx had blatantly refused to do that. It _had_ to be accurate, down to the last star. We'd spent hours trimming stars down to fit everything up there. In the end, we were only able to imitate a small corner of the universe but it was worth. Our small corner.

Later on, Demyx had admitted to me that he'd just wanted to spend time alone with me, that's why he was being so difficult.

Somewhere in his lonely reminiscence, Sora climbed the stairs to Demyx's attic bedroom, carrying a white envelope in his hand.

"It's a letter from Zexion," he said with a smile. Sora had always been fond on me, and I of him.

But Demyx had known it was from me even before Sora had said anything. Who else could it have been from? No one ever wrote him, not when there was text messaging, email, and Myspace in today's world.

He carefully slid the triangle of paper that sealed the envelope from the body of it, pulling out the lined notebook paper inside.

It read:

_Dear Demyx,_

_You have no idea how surprised I was to find that notebook complete with the letter and photograph. You always know exactly how to take care of me, even when I can barely take care of myself. Your letter makes me feel a little closer to home, and admittedly, a lot closer to you as I read through it for the thousandth time, memorizing your every word so I can recite them in my head at any given time throughout the day. _

_It has made the cold and lonely separation not seem so great, the distance between us a little more bearable._

_And you should know, Demyx, what I did to myself is in no way _your_ fault. _

_It is my own fault that I couldn't get over my brother's death, couldn't give up the fact that I feel I'm at least partly to blame for it. _

_But that's why I'm here. If I hadn't left so many numerous visible scars, the emotional ones might have consumed me, and I might have done much worse._

_I don't think that I ever actually thanked you for that night. You know which night I mean. You saved my life, Demyx, in so many ways you saved my life. When I was at my worst, I would cry every time after I cut myself because I could just picture how sad and disappointed you would look if you discovered what I was doing. _

_But you didn't. You understood instantly and did everything you could to get me help. All I can do is thank you for so much. _

_It is you that gives me the hope of getting better, the hope of a future. I cannot wait to get better just so I can see your smiling face once again, for it is you that is keeping me going and keeping me strong._

_You can't know how much it means to me to know that you're at home rooting for me, especially because I'm doing this all for you. Because I love you, Demyx. You are my life and my world._

_This is why I have to thank you, Demyx. Thank you for my life and thank you for your love._

_I love you more with each passing day,  
Zexion_

Demyx read through the letter a half dozen times, smiling through tear-brimmed eyes. My letter to him was short and to the point, but it meant so much to him that he didn't really have the words to describe it, even now, after all this time has passed. He pulled a blank sheet of paper from his desk drawer and, in his best handwriting, jotted down a response. It took him about three drafts to get the words he wanted, but he finally succeeded, putting the letter in a new envelope, writing the address on it and heading outside to stick it in the closest blue mail box.

Dropping it inside, he couldn't help but feel as if this was the calm before the storm; something big was about to happen, something that would change us forever.

o.O.o

* * *


	7. Chapter 6: Xigbar's Story

o.O.o

**Razorblade Shine  
Chapter 6: Xigbar's Story (or Crocodile Tears)  
Revised December 21, 2008**

o.O.o

_Me, I'm waiting so patiently  
Lying on the floor  
I'm just trying to do this jigsaw puzzle  
Before it rains anymore.  
_--"Jigsaw Puzzle" by Rolling Stones

o.O.o

The only person I told of Xigbar's little story-telling session later that night was Axel, so of course, by the time dinner had rolled around, everyone in Oblivion knew about it. Big surprise there. But it had saved me the job of having to tell people myself. Axel had a mouth plenty big enough for the both of us.

The counselors had, at first, raised an eyebrow or two after seeing so many of us remaining in the cafeteria after dinner ended, but quickly let it go, thinking it to be therapeutic.

They, of course, knew about the Xigbar's promise of a good story as well. As both the eyes and ears of Oblivion Treatment Center, I had no doubt that Cloud and Leon knew nearly all of the goings on here, including some of the more embarrassing stuff that most of us would much rather keep to ourselves. I'd discovered, upon my short time living here, that nothing ever stayed a secret.

How could it, when there were gossips, group counseling sessions and busy bodies running around like Larxene. Our lives were open books, laying there for anyone to pick up and read if they so chose to.

Being a particularly private person most of my life, this was probably the biggest challenge I faced other than being away from my loved ones and the sometimes crushing _need_ to cut myself when I was feeling particularly low. But I was finding it surprisingly easy to resist, at least a lot easier than I had thought it would be, with the constant presence of another, with the group and one-on-one counseling sessions.

That, and that fact that we were kept constantly busy, I had almost no time to get the urges. But night time proved to be the worse, when I would lay my head on my pillow and have countless seconds, minutes, hours, where I would just stare at the ceiling and mull everything over and over, trampling the same topics and subjects time and again until I eventually became bleary enough that I would drift off into a restless slumber.

Mornings usually weren't that fun with being so tired and worried all the time. And it really didn't help that Axel seemed to be a fucking morning person, sarcastic and intense from the very moment his head left the pillow in the morning to the time it rested there once again at night. His God-awful snoring didn't help matters either, sometimes preventing me from sleeping even more than my nighttime broodings did. He also talked quite a bit, more often than not having some _interesting_ dream or another about a certain blue-eyed blond who's name never failed to be mentioned a time or eighty throughout the night.

But I digress…

I seriously failed to see how the counselors thought that hearing presumably violent tales of how a strange man gained an eye patch was therapeutic, but it sure as hell beat spending the next few hours listening to Larxene bitch, even if Xigbar's story proved to be as longwinded and outrageous and improbable as I imagined.

But hell, nearly _anything_ beat listening to Larxene bitch. I remember briefly thinking once that if I was given the choice between water-boarding and listening to her bitch, I would have a very tough decision on my hands indeed.

I couldn't deny the fact that I was actually looking forward to listening to Xigbar talk, though.

Life at Oblivion had taken on a slightly monotonous tone and even hearing a tale that was more likely than not an outright lie would do nicely to break up the overt repetitiveness and constant assault of sameness.

Counselors Strife and Leonhart even decided to stay and listen to Xigbar's tale, along with the hyperactive receptionist, Yuffie. As it turns out, not all the speculation over Oblivion's one and only cook (or head cook, I was never really all that sure) had not been solely reserved to the patients, the curiosity burning just as brightly and strongly in the elder generation.

Xigbar looked genuinely pleased when he saw how many were staying to listen to his anecdotes, smiling grisly and macabre through his eye patch, scars, and long, pony-tailed skunk-striped hair. Despite his somewhat deviating appearance and strange mannerisms, I had decided, surprisingly, that I genuinely liked the man.

He never really seemed to give a hoot what people thought of him (although I was not entirely sure if he was capable of caring what others thought, especially since he was rumored to have once been a patient here at Oblivion) and generally seemed to be content with his life. I could not help but be the slightest bit jealous over this unconcealed contentedness, but was hoping that someday I, too, could achieve a similar peace of mind.

To put it politely and to say the least, he was quite the character.

But then again, what fun are the normal people of the world? For me, normal people were to hard to relate to, an intangible concept that I simply had the toughest time wrapping my mind around.

Strange, on the other hand, was a concept I could understand indefinately, but definitely not normal, not when my life had been anything but for some time now. There was an equally likely possibility that I had never known what it meant to be normal, to be a normal person and live a normal life, though I had the sneaking suspicion that I just may have known this concept as a small child.

"You can sit next to me, Cyclops Junior!" Xigbar said with a cheery grin from his position at the head of the rectangular staff table. I got up from my place at the dinner table and sat down somewhat awkwardly next to him, Axel and Roxas following suit to keep my company, though it might not have been all that willingly on Roxas' part; Axel's usual hyperactive nature practically served as a gravitational force to people most of the time, drawing them to him like a falling meteor. Roxas wasn't an exception, even if he was trying to be.

Larxene cackled at my new nickname in pure, mirthless glee, sneering at me from across the small cafeteria as I sat down.

"Shut up you stupid bitch," Sephiroth said, uncharacteristically cursing.

I usually thought that he thought himself to be far too good to use about half of the spoken English language. However, on this particular day, he was in an acutely foul mood, and for good reason; Leon had taken what was, in his mind, his rightful seat next to Cloud, offering his lover a small smile, the slightest lilt to corners of the mouth, when he thought no one was looking. A small smile that Cloud returned, leaving the silver-haired teen fuming.

Larxene merely glared at Sephiroth, indignantly crossing her arms across her chest, her face pulled in a derided grimace. But she did, thankfully, cease her affronting cackling.

"Now," began Xigbar, tossing each and every person in the room a wide, infectious grin, "Cyclops Junior here wanted to know how I ended up with the eye patch and the scars.

"He didn't say so in quite so many words 'cause Cyclops Junior's just a polite kind of guy like that, but he wanted to know. I could tell that he really wanted to know.

"See, the thing is, it would have been just so _easy_ just to have told him how it happened, but is there any fun in that? I don't _think_ so! The entire story is a lot more fun. And exciting, can't forget exciting. So I'll tell it all, right now. And here goes...

"I grew up in a small town in Ohio called Clod or Clud or Clyde or something that. I don't quite remember anymore because it's not important and I just haven't been there since I was a kid."

"Dropping acid will do that to you, make you forget all the simple things like where you're from," Larxene said loudly for everyone to hear, no longer heading Sephiroth's previous command of shutting up.

"Larxene, out!" both Cloud and Leon shouted at the same time, standing and glaring at her. She glared right back at the two adults, face malevolent as she stood up from her chair to leave the cafeteria.

"Thank God!" Sephiroth muttered, slouching in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. It was a wonder he even noticed that Larxene had been reprimanded seeing as he was so fully absorbed in glaring at Leon, no doubt thinking up 101 way so to get away with murder. I feared for the man.

The blond girl ignored him, turning instead to Marluxia. "Come on, Marluxia," she said, looking at the pink-haired teen in a way that could almost be described as desperate. "This is boring anyway, let's go."

"No way," he replied. "Sorry, Lar, but I want to hear the story."

The girl scowled, flipping everyone the bird, and finally stalked out of the room.

"Please go on, Xigbar," Cloud said apologetically, sitting back down. I could still see the grimace in Leon's face.

"Sure, sure," Xigbar said nonchalantly. "So I grew up in a town called Clod. It was just me, my brother, and my dad. All of you probably know my brother. He's-"

Xigbar was interrupted by the opening of the cafeteria doors. For a wild moment, I thought that it might have been Larxene returning, but instead it was just Professor Vexen walking into the room, his face as impassive as ever. But there was something about his eyes that was a little different and I couldn't quite place it.

Xigbar's face broke into a huge grin. "Well, speak of the devil's spawn! That's my brother right there! He's the one who got me the job here, real good of him."

The seemingly cold-hearted professor's face softened just a fraction as he sat down on Xigbar's other side. "Please go on, Xiggy," he said, tossing his long hair off his shoulder.

"Of course" Xigbar said with a wide grin, "Where was I? Oh yeah, I was talking about my, I mean our, family. Vexen and I are actually twins, though you wouldn't know it by looking at us. We don't look much alike. Sorry Vex, but I got all the good looks. Chicks just can't keep their hands off of me, never could. But Vexen got all the brains, but that's okay. No one's smarter than Vexy."

" So Vexy was born first, came out just fine. But with me, there were some complications, something about some cord or another wrapping around my neck. And apparently there was a lot of blood when I cam out, more than the normal load or whatever.

"But Mom didn't survive it. That was the only mistake I ever needed to make to make my dad hate me. Killing my mom, that is.

"See, my dad was a real harsh man, big and scary-like, ya know? But for as tough as he was, he loved my mother more than anything else in the world. She was probably the _only_ thing that cold hearted bastard of a dad ever loved.

"He was fairly indifferent to Vexen and flat out hated me, I took away his Leila. He treated me like shit all growing up, so it was no big thing when I finally ran away. I showed him, though, made something of myself when he always said I never would."

"Wait until you get there," Vexen gently chided.

"You're right Vexy, ain't there yet. Thanks for using those big brain cells of yours for reminding me so I don't mess the story up.

"Nothing really to tell in my young years, so I'll just skip ahead to when I was fifteen. Dad was a real mean cuss and would never take us driving, even after we got our permits. I always taking the car out whenever Dad was passed out drunk, so by the time I was fifteen, I was a good driver. But Vexy had never driven before so I agreed to take him out, drive around the block a few times or whatever.

"But this time, though, Dad wasn't passed out drunk. He was banging his new girlfriend, one who wasn't all that much older than me at the time, right on the couch. That was the main reason we wanted out of the house. Who wants to see their father doing some weird chick in the living room on the couch that they sit on to watch Saturday Night Live?

"So anyway, I swiped the keys from his discarded jeans pockets and met Vexen outside. Neither Dad nor that girl noticed that I even walked through the room, too busy with…_other things_. I climbed into the passenger seat and handed the keys to Vexen. He looked so terrified, but I tried calming him down by telling him driving was a lot easier that it looked. He wasn't too convinced though, and I think my encouragement just probably made it a lot worse.

"Well, Vexen finally did calm down enough to start the car up, but I don't think I explained things too well because instead of backing out of the driveway, he put the car in forward and drove it right through the living room where my dad was doing his new girlfriend!"

At this point, both Vexen and Xigbar started laughing reminiscence. We laughed, too, imaging a teenage Vexen driving a car through a house. It seemed, however, almost impossible to imagine.

When the laughing finally subsided, the grin fell off Xigbar's face as he lost himself in his memories. His eyes had a faraway look to them as he spoke. "Vexen, he was going to go places. His grades were amazing and he always had this ability of teaching others that.... well, I just knew I couldn't let him take the fall for what he did.

"Dad would have never forgiven him and would have made his life miserable because he holds grudges like no other. I, like literally, kicked him out of the car and told him to get the hell away from the car while I sat myself in the driver's seat. He didn't want to leave, but I made him get out of that stinking car and I have not once regretted it to this very day.

"Luckily the couch in our living room was on the other side of the room so no one actually got hurt. My dad came running outside, butt-ass naked and screaming like a banshee. He told me that I was going to pay with my skin for what I did. I ran inside the house, grabbed the necessities, and stormed out of the house. Last time I ever saw that asshole.

"I lived in the garden shed for a few days without my dad even knowing it. Vexen was good to me and brought me food and stuff until I just had to get away.

"I left Vexen a letter telling him that I had to get away, put it in a place he could find it right away, and hit the highway. I hitched with a few different truckers until I hopped a ride with someone that changed my life forever.

"'You need a ride kid?' the man asked me. He had one of those distinctly southern accents and appeared not to have showered for a few or twenty days. I wasn't in a position to be very picky however, so I hopped inside the rusted Ford pickup truck. 'Where you heading?' I asked him. I remember the look he gave me, as if I was the stupidest person on the planet. 'You kidding?' he asked me. 'The Annual Gator Wrestling Tournaments of course!'

"I had never heard of any gator wrestling before, but I was intrigued. 'Take me with you, I want to see what it's like' I said to the man. And he did.

"I arrived in the Florida Everglades about three days later, now fully learned on all the rules of 'gator wrestling.' Bud, my new road-trip-friend had informed me of everything. I was nearly out of cash already and had only been out of Clod three days.

"So once we got there, I signed myself up.

"Bud thought I was crazy, and frankly he was probably right, but I did it anyway. The morning of my first match I wasn't even nervous. I figured that growing up with my father was perfect preparation for gator wrestling. I just hopped in the pool-thing that the wrestling took place in and got to it.

"To officially 'beat' a gator, you have to pin them face down in the mud with their jaws closed. The danger is, obviously, very high and if you get injured, then it's your own fault. When you sign your name on that dotted line, you basically sign your life away.

"I felt so in power in the gator pool, like I was finally at home. I'd never been very good at much of anything except pissing my dad off so it felt good to be so good.

"I had that sucker pinned in exactly twenty-three seconds and went on to the next round. I soared through the rounds of gator wrestling, finally winning everything and making myself the youngest person to win the National Gator Wrestling Tournament to this very day. I sent my trophy back home to Vexen along with a bunch of newspaper clippings all about.

"Over the next few years, I was a force to be reckoned with in the world of gator wrestling. And at the age of nineteen, I had broken every record I could except for one. I had yet to beat Attila, America's biggest and meanest gator. Only one person had ever beat Attila, most becoming very deformed, a few even dying.

"So I sought out Bob Thoreau, my idol, but he refused to see me. The big day, the one where I was going to take on Attila, was quickly approaching and I felt compelled to talk to the only person who had ever beaten Attila. I hounded him for weeks, but he would never consent to see me, not until night before the big match.

"When I knocked on the door of Bob Thoreau, he opened it and smiled at me. Only he couldn't really smile anymore because his face was so severely scarred. His lips weren't even there anymore, now completely covered in scar tissue. And he wore an eye patch, kind of like the one I wear now. 'So you're the idiot who wants to take on Attila, huh?' he asked me. I nodded. 'That bitch likes eyes,' he said, 'watch out for your eyes.' And he then slammed the door in my face.

"I hopped in the gator pool the next morning and was more nervous than I had been at any other part of my life. Well, there _was_ one day that I was more nervous and that was the day I asked my girlfriend out. Girls are so much more complicated than gators are." He grinned then.

"But anyway, the s.o.b. glared at me as the trainer held him down, waiting for the whistle to blow. He was sizing me up, I could feel it. And when that referee blew his whistle, what did that bitch do but jump straight for my eyes, just like Bob had said.

"Took one with him too. I grabbed at his mouth, but he was ready for me, having seen plenty of the country's best wrestlers before. Attila raised up on it's stubby back legs and scratched me across the face. I lunged forwards, stopping and then lunging to the right, grabbing that sucker and pinning it down. It was my fastest pin ever.

"For a while after, I was rolling in the high life of the world of gator wrestling. But Vexen here was terrified that I'd end up dead at the hand, I mean claw, or one of the gators, so I made a very difficult decision. I decided to retire from gator wrestling at the very young age of twenty."

The room was silent, everyone leaning forward in there seats to hear what happened next. Xigbar was a surprisingly good story-teller and I was especially eager to hear the rest.

The door to the cafeteria was again opened and a pretty blond girl walked in. I had never seen her before in my life.

"Xigbar?" she said, looking at him and smiling. "You ready to go?"

Xigbar's face broke into the widest grin I think I've ever seen on a person's face that wasn't in a comic book. "Hey everybody, this is my girl Kristin."

"_She _is your girlfriend?" Marluxia said, his jaw dropping. "But she's so _young!_"

"Sure is," Xigbar said, standing up and shaking his brother's hand. "I'll see you all tomorrow."

"But what about the rest of your story? How did you end up here at Oblivion?" Sephiroth asked. I was surprised at how much he had gotten into the story.

"I'm sorry, but my girl's here. I gotta go." He did look sad that he couldn't finish his story. But all traces of sadness disappeared as he took Kristin's hand walked out of the room.

o.O.o

Yuffie knocked on the door to Axel's and my room later that night, poking her head inside the door and looking at me with her usual hyperactive smile. "Zexion, your parents are on the phone."

Axel gave me a supportive smile as I got up from my bed and followed Yuffie out of the room. "They sounded a bit worried," she said conversationally. "I sure hope that nothing is wrong."

"Yeah," I said sighing, "me too." I honestly wasn't too worried about anything having had happened. My mom had a voice that was borderline sad, adopting it after my brother died, and tended to overreact a little.

Yuffie directed me to the phone. It was in a small room with only a worn Lazy Boy and no door. Not that they care about privacy here or anything.

"Hello?" I asked into the phone.

"Zexion, oh dear how are you doing?" my mom began, her voice worried. "I've been so worried about you ever since I heard about what happened to Demyx. I was hoping that you've been staying strong and-"

"Mom!" I said, cutting her off. Her words cut me deeply, far deeper than I had ever cut myself.

_I've been so worried about you since I heard about what happened to Demyx! _My forehead broke out into a cold sweat, along with the palms of my hands. "Mom, what exactly _happened_ to Demyx?"

"You don't know?" she asked, surprised. "I don't really think that I should be the one to tell you, dear."

"Mom! What. Happened. To. Demyx?" I demanded in a tone I had never before taken with my mother. I would have felt guilty, but given the circumstances, I wasn't really.

She sighed, also ignoring my insolence. "He was beat up, Zexion, pretty bad. He just got out of the hospital."

_"What?!"_

"Yeah, his parents called and told us."

"Mom," I said, again cutting her off. "I have to call Demyx. Now. I'll talk to you later."

I didn't even wait for her response, I just hung up the phone, quickly dialing the familiar cell phone number.

" 'ello?"

Demyx's voice was the same melodious tinkle that it had always been, but it was strained. It wasn't a voice that belonged to a person that had just been beaten up.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" I asked. My voice was completely monotonous, without a trace of the turbulent emotions that were swirling inside me.

"Zeshion....I'm shorry. I didn' wan you to worry."

"How bad?"

"What?"

I sighed so deeply that my chest hurt. "How badly are you hurt?" I repeated.

"Tha ishn't really important," Demyx said quickly. His voice was badly slurred.

"Well, Demyx, it sure sounds like it is. So tell me, how badly are you _hurt?_"

I could hear him wimper briefly before slowly exhaling and saying into the phone, "Broken ribs, broken wrist, and a concushion."

"A what?" I asked, hoping I wasn't hearing what I thought I was hearing.

"A concushion."

This is when I exploded at him, exploded at the one person I vowed on my life never to yell or raise a hand at. And I really let him have it. "And you didn't think I was important enough to call! Is that it? For God's sake, Demyx, I'm your boyfriend now. Or at least I thought that I was! Isn't that what we talked about when I was in the hospital.

"And if _dating _you doesn't mean anything, I've been your best friend for years!"

"No, Zeshion, it not like that!"

"I know I told you not to call me or anything, but don't you think I'd want you to tell that you got _beat up!_"

"I shorry!"

"I really can't take this right now, Demyx."

I could hear the anger and indignation in his voice now as he said, "Well, it isn't like you were exactly forthcoming about cutting yourself for only God above knows how many months. You did yourself more damage than what happened to me. I didn't want you to have to worry about. I would have told you, eventually. I-"

I was far too pissed, my hands literally shaking with rage, to listen to what else he had to say, and hung up the phone.


	8. Chapter 7: Guilty Conscious

o.O.o

**Razorblade Shine  
Chapter 7: Guilty Conscious  
Revised December 22, 2008  
**

o.O.o

_I'm going under. I'm suffocating  
Drowning but I'm holding on  
What keeps me breathing? Don't have an answer  
I'm drowning but I won't let go  
Away now. No way out.  
_"No Way Out" by Stone Temple Pilots

o.O.o

**guilt** noun 1: the fact of having committed an offense or crime. 2: a feeling of having done something wrong or failed in an obligation. ORIGIN Old English.

o.O.o

_Hatred is a powerful and wanting feeling that often can blind even the most brilliant and virtuoso of our planet's minds. It has destroyed lives of the everyday man, crushed kingdoms and cast asunder the most influential empires our world has known. It is a potent foe, and can consume one's entire being with the need of revenge, instigating the age old mantra of 'search, conquer, and destroy.' Hatred scorns all those who are deemed different, inferior by birth. It was hatred that led to the Great Genocide of the twentieth century, costing so many people their precious lives. _

_Hatred can control a person like no other emotion, except for one: guilt._

_Guilt has a way of eating away your insides more effectively than a toxic concoction of bleach and antifreeze. It can be lethal to the individual. It worms its way into the heart and latches on like a tapeworm, feeding off of you until your life is drained clean away. Often, a person feels no escape from this equally all-consuming emotion and resorts to ways of punishing themselves, if only to alleviate the pain for a little while._

o.O.o

Dr. Leonhart, I mean Leon, (it was still difficult for me to refer to authority figures by their first names) laid my notebook down, his face pensive, a thoughtful wrinkle in his brow. "That was very well-written, Zexion. I especially like bleach and antifreeze connotation."

"You're making fun of me," I said dryly, twirling my pen between my fingers much the same way a drummer would to their drumsticks. The blatant rage that I felt toward him last time I had a session with him did not, surprisingly, return. Honestly, this obvious jibe hardly even registered on my radar, not with other, far more pressing matters on my mind.

It was now the following Tuesday. I had almost been in Oblivion a week at that point, yet it already felt like forever. It had also been several days since my argument with Demyx and, like my small passage described, I could feel my own guilt eating away at me. Bleach and antifreeze were starting to sound pretty good compared to how I felt during those few, horrendously long days.

Leon's face slid into a graceful frown. Never before had I seen anyone with the ability to make a frown look graceful, but he somehow managed to pull it off with flying colors.

"I wasn't making fun of your writing, Zexion," Leon affirmed. "I actually quite liked it. It was very real and very honest, accurate even.

He leaned forward on his desk, elbows resting close to the edge, and looked at me with a pointed gaze. "Did you write this about your brother?" he asked quietly.

He wanted me to talk about Hayner, he'd been hinting at it all session. And for the first time since Hayner's accident, my little brother was not the most prominent cause of my guilt, although those feelings rarely left me.

With Demyx, though, it was different. I was purposefully cruel to him. I had mistreated Demyx in the worst way (well, not the worst way, I mean, I didn't cheat on him or anything), and I felt horrible about it. I just didn't know how to let him know that.

"Not consciously," I replied, still pen-twirling, my eyes glancing at the clock on the wall.

"Not consciously," Leon repeated. "Just what does that mean, Zexion? Did something else happen?"

I probably should have spilled my guts then, laid my sins bare on the table for him to judge, but I didn't. And it probably would have prevented more than a headache or two later on.

My excuse for my course of action? I'm male. It is in the nature of my species to keep things bottled up inside until your at the breaking point, and at this moment in my life, I wasn't quite to my breaking yet.

Guys don't like having touch-feely heart-to-hearts with other guys, even when (especially when) the other guy is a trained professional not much older than yourself. Seriously, Leon was what, twenty-five? And he was supposed to help me? He was barely out of college, practicing no longer than three years if he was in fact hired the day he graduated with his four-year degree. And seeing how doctors have to go to school more than just four years, this guy had to be a baby in the field of psychiatric medicine.

Yes, this is exactly my excuse for not telling Leon approximately what was going on with me at the time, instigating the chain of events to occur later on. Oh well, my male pride is the excuse, one that I'm sticking to quite handily.

"Not really," I remember saying, looking him in eye. After hiding that fact that I cut myself for so long, I was quite adept in the lying straight to your face department. And I should have been, I lied to everyone; Mom, Dad, Sora, Riku....Demyx, most especially Demyx.

"Okay, well if you don't have anything else you'd like to talk about, I guess that's all for today. I'd like you to write more in your journal if you would. I really like reading what you write. A lot of times people can be more honest with pen and paper than they can talking face to face," Leon said, then taking a swig from his lukewarm Pepsi can.

"Will do," I said, scooping up my journal and walking to the door.

"Is this your boyfriend?" Leon asked suddenly as my hand twisted the knob. For a wild moment, I thought he knew exactly what I had done to Demyx, every cruel word I said to him and every heartless action he had faced at my hands. I told myself that I was being very foolish, that people couldn't just pull full plot complete with background stories from their asses like that. Not even super young, psychiatric medicine extroidinaire Leon Leonhart.

Turning, I saw that the picture Demyx had given me of us at the beach had fallen out of my journal and onto his desk.

"He looks like a really nice person," Leon added, smiling as he handed me my picture. He didn't really need for me to confirm who he was. My enlargening eyes and blatant jaw-drop were confirmation enough.

"Yeah," I replied vaguely, taking the photo back from him, glancing at it before I stuck it back into the front page of my journal. "He is. I really don't deserve him. Not at all."

"I wouldn't say that, Zexion," Leon said. "You seem like a really nice guy too, but you've been dealt a shitty hand."

_You've been dealt a shitty hand._

For some reason, that phrase stayed with me for a long time.

o.O.o

I had lunch right after my session with Leon.

It was a stroke of pure and unconcentrated genius that Larxene had taken to sitting by herself at meals after Marluxia basically had, in essence, publically dissed her at Xigbar's story telling session the week prior.

She had been completely distant, quiet even, for days now and it left a bad taste in my mouth. It felt as if she was slowly calculating against us, trying to find a way to get us all back.

I tried not to dwell on that too much (I didn't, actually, dwell on it much at all) and instead decided to savor the placid meals that Xigbar made each day, treating them as a Godsend.

Marluxia seemed much more amiable with her gone and Sephiroth was visibly pleased, telling us so (very loudly, I might add) at every meal, that his dinner-time headaches had ceased altogether. I knew that this was for Larxene's benefit because she would always scowl over at us when he said this, her green eyes flashing in rage.

Rikku was as happy as always, perhaps more so without Larxene belittling her at every waking and possible moment. Roxas and Namine were as silent as ever and Axel was....well, Axel. Some things never really change.

I think I had had the most drastic mood swing of late and it had nothing to do with Larxene's disappearance from our eating table.

Somehow it had gotten around that Demyx and I had gotten into a fight, the rumors spreading like wildfire. One kid that I had group with even asked me why I had cheated on my boyfriend with my high school English teacher's mother's cousin and gotten her pregnant.

Needless to say, I didn't warrant the boy with a response.

My obvious discontent must have gotten so bad because even _Sephiroth_ asked me if I wanted to talk about it. I nearly wet myself when he stated this because he had been virtually indifferent, to put it _nicely,_ toward me since my arrival at Oblivion.

"Hey Zexion! Wait up, Zexion!" Axel called, his voice booming down the hall as he ran forward to catch up to me. When he had caught up, breathing hard for someone so skinny, he saw me staring my photograph once again. He asked, "What are you looking at?"

I showed him the photo again. He smiled sadly. "It'll be okay, Zexion, I just know it will. You two will make up, get married, adopt a couple of kids, and grow old together."

"I'm not so sure," I sighed. "I really screwed up. But let's not talk about this now. Let's just get some food, 'kay?"

And we began the trail that would take us to the cafeteria.

Axel smiled along the way, nodding. He was a good friend, but slightly oblivious. Right now though, I was thankful for it; I really didn't feel like talking about it.

Axel and I were greeted by Xigbar's huge, crooked grin, just as we had been since the night of the story-telling. "How's it hanging Cyclops Junior, Firecrotch?" he asked.

Axel grinned back. "Crooked and slightly to the left," he said. And it was the first time I smiled all day.

o.O.o

After another Larxeneless lunch, we headed back to Vexen's classroom and finished up the day's work. I finished writing my essay on _Hamlet _and its influences on contemporary literature before closing my laptop and lying my head down to take a rather uncharacteristic nap. My eyes soon closed, leaving me to my dreams.

o.O.o

_**A side note:**_

_The night was dark, rainy and the ground was littered with slick, dark patches of puddles. On a quiet street only one house is lit up, three teenage boys inside. The older two of the three boys are sitting on a bed in the gray-haired one's bedroom, watching endless _YouTube _of dancing Stormtroopers and snippets of comedians__ while the youngest is talking on the phone to a friend downstairs. _

_He appears to be boasting about how he just got his driver's licence, with promises to pick the other boy on the line up so they can hang out._

_He knows his older brother will be no problem getting past; after all, the boy that the brother has been in love with forever is in his bedroom, sitting on his bed... It will not take much convincing on the younger brother's part to get the car keys, not when the elder wants nothing more than a little alone time with his love interest. _

_The younger brother knocks on the door to the bedroom, hearing laughter and hushed voices ring out from behind the door. _

_"What is it Hayner?" the older brother says in an exasperated voice. Hayner, the younger brother, has purposely been pestering the two for some time now. He knows his brother desperately wants him out of his hair so Hayner figures there to be little to no resistance on his brother's part when he asks._

_"Zexion, do you think I could have the car so I can go over to my friend's house?" Hayner asks, secretly crossing his fingers behind his back._

_Zexion quickly contemplates this. He knows that his parents told him specifically _not_ to let Hayner have the car, not when he'd only had his licence for a mere three hours. But they are out of town right now and what they don't know can't hurt them. _

_Zexion also comes to the conclusion that he will finally get to be alone with Demyx. And maybe, just maybe, there will be a little progression in their relationship. Maybe he'll finally work up the gonads and ask the other on a date. Or kiss him senseless. Or both. Zexion grins as he thinks this._

_"I suppose so," he sighs. "Just don't wreck the car. If you get caught, I'm telling Mom and Dad that you took the car without my knowledge, got it?"_

_"Yep!" Hayner replies happily. "You will in no way take the fall for whatever happens to the car. Thanks Zexion."_

_"Just leave. And be back by midnight."_

o.O.o

_It is four o'clock in the morning when a loud pounding on the front door wakes the two sleeping boys. They quickly hurry downstairs, opening the door to find two police officers standing in front of them, wearing equally solemn expressions. The one has tears in his eyes._

_"I'm afraid we have some bad news..."_

o.O.o

I awoke feeling so very cold. Sweat was pouring from my face and I could feel a dampness under my arms. My stomach was also churning so badly that I felt as if I was going to be sick, my hands shaking terribly and my palms so clammy. I thought fleetingly that I was sweating enough to water the plants Marluxia is so fond of talking to.

I hadn't had _that_ dream for almost two weeks now, but even with just a short absence, it hits you like a freight train. I could only think of one thing at that point and that was the fact that I needed to make the pain go away.

And I knew only one way to do such.

"P-professor Vexen? May I go to the bathroom?" I stammered, rising to my feet. I was conscious of the fact that I didn't sound right, that I sounded quite off. I thought for sure that he wouldn't let me go, that he's have another patient accompany me to Aerith's office or something of the ilk.

But Vexen, absorbed in whatever it was that he was reading at the time, hardly even noticed the difference, simply waving me away to go about my business.

It was a struggle to walk from where I sat all the way to the door of the classroom. My legs were shaking appallingly and small white lights were flashing in front of my eyes as my head bobbed and swayed with each careful, but nevertheless hurried, step.

Once outside the classroom, though, I had to think. Where, in this place of stringless hoodies and strapless duffel bags, could one find something damaging, find something to pierce the skin and draw a sweet line of red?

I thought, this need to cut myself completely consuming me. It was all too familiar, this aching need, yet new, just as is had been each time before. The fact that I had almost died the last time I cut myself, the fact that I was still healing, completely fled my mind as I made my way down the hall, trying to think of something I could use to destroy the guilt the was consuming me.

Vaguely, an idea popped into my head.

I was blindingly desperate when I knocked upon Leon's door to see if he was inside. No one answered. Surprisingly, the door to his office was unlocked. I frankly couldn't believe my luck up to this point, feeling as if the gods were, for some reason, smiling down upon me only because I was so desperate.

_So much for security, _I thought giddily. And in that moment, I knew that I had a manic sheen in my blue eyes; I had seen it on many occasions when I had gone into my bathroom at home to drag the razor across my flesh.

Glancing around to make sure no one saw me go inside, I snuck in, searching his office for scissors, a razor, anything to pierce, to cut.

Leon's earlier words popped into my head then.

_A lot of times people can be more honest with pen and paper than they can talking face to face._

But there had been something else. The words themselves aren't what mattered. It was Leon's actions, the can of Pepsi he had taken a swig of a second after uttering them. I ran to the garbage and was amazed to find it there, empty, cheering that he was a leather-wearing kind of guy and not a tree-hugging hippy who believed in only John Lennon and recycling.

Grinning madly, I realized that I was two-for-two in my crazed obsession.

I slipped the discarded can of Pepsi under my baggy hoodie, exiting the office and shutting the door behind me. I sprinted to the nearest bathroom and flung myself onto the floor. I didn't even bother getting into a stall. I was beyond caring at that point, about hygiene, about cleanliness. I was so _fucking _desperate just to hurt myself.

I think back about it now and realize just about anybody could have walked in on me. Not just _anybody_ did though. It was the one person who felt that he owed me something, felt that he had to repay me for something I didn't even know about at the time.

My fingers were quickly working the aluminum, trying tear and break it, to get it sharp enough to end my pain.

I was almost there, too, when I was rudely interrupted by a foot kicking the can out of my hands. Scrambling for it, that same foot stomped on my nearly _perfect_ blade.

"Zexion, just what the fuck do you think you are doing?" I heard as I tried scrambling for the can.

Looking up, I could only see Roxas' livid blue eyes staring down at me, his mouth pulled in a thing and angry line.


	9. Chapter 8: Turning Point

o.O.o

**Razorblade Shine****  
Chapter 8: Turning Point  
Revised on December 22, 2008**

o.O.o

_Basically, I'm complicated  
I have a hard time of taking the easy way._  
-"Who Cares?" by Gnarles Barkley

o.O.o

I stared up at Roxas with wide, blank eyes for an exact twelve seconds before slamming into his leg, and trying to dislodge my sacred tool. Under ordinary circumstances, I would never have slammed into anyone for a friggin' _pop can_, but these were far from ordinary circumstances.

I was desperate, so _fucking _desperate for a release from the pain that I would have done just about anything for that little bit alleviation.

Roxas apparently, having been a patient of Oblivion Treatment Center longer than I and used to the behavior I was currently exhibiting, was prepared for this pre-emptive, and shoved me back into the wall roughly. It stunned me for a second or two - _who knew blondie was so strong?_- also knocking the wind out of me.

Roxas and I were roughly the same size, but I had never been one for physical activities like sports, an advantage he had as Axel had once informed me that Roxas had been participating in Struggles for years. I didn't stand much of a chance.

But I wasn't thinking rationally in that moment, not by a long shot. I didn't think of the fact that the most physical I had gotten in the last six months or so was wrestling the remote away from Riku every time he and Uncle Cid stopped in for a visit.

I stared at Roxas as I gasped for breath, trying futilely to catch it. My heart was beating frantically and in a much different way that it did whenever Demyx was in proximatey. The only way I could describe it is that I was sizing him up, looking for weakness. I noticed that Roxas was a little shorter than me, but not by much, neither of us being tall by anyone's standards. I knew my shoulders were broader, I could put more heft behind my punch (which wasn't true in the slightest as evidenced by the aforementioned little bit of Axel telling me of Roxas' renowned Struggle accomplishments).

And, inwardly, I groaned. Inwardly, I was cursing myself much the same way I always did after I got done cleaning up my blood, knowing in a thousand different ways that what I was doing to myself was wrong. Except this time, it was different. This time I was cursing myself for thinking, comtemplating all the different ways I could use to take down someone I considered to be my friend.

I could have slapped myself, I really could have.

I backed up until I felt the wall pressing coolly into the fabric of my hoodie, sliding down the wall until I was in a sitting position. "Roxas," I whispered, my voice hoarse, not daring to look him in the eye.

But he didn't seem to hear my quiet plea of forgiveness because his face continued to turn a rather delicate shade of maroon. There was a stern set to his mouth, his lips pressed so firmly together that they were turning white.

Finally, after what seemed like ages, eons even, he spoke, voice filled with a very familiar sound of restraint. It was restraint I had adopted shortly after my brother's death, using it whenever I wanted to scream and yell and break whatever was in proximatey to me.

"Why the fuck are you messing everything up again, Zexion? _Why_?" Roxas began._ "_Do you _honestly_ think Hayner would want to see you like this? Do you really think he _appreciate_ seeing his older brother so discouraged that he has littered his own arms with scars and, not to mention, is currently bleeding on the bathroom floor of some scuzy treatment center?

"I don't know about you, Zexion, but I certainly do not think that he would."

Fumbling for words, I replied in a hushed, desperate voice, "I'm...sorry. I'm just…I'm really sorry."

Roxas' blue eyes softened somewhat and he sat with me on the floor, pop can still out of my reach. I was thankful for that. "I know you are," he said. A somewhat timid hand rested reassuringly on my shoulder. "You _shouldn't_ be here to begin with Zexion. It isn't your fault that your brother is dead."

A fresh wave of tears filled my eyes, burning them before they slid down my cheeks in rivulets. "But it is. I let him go and I shouldn't have. I was responsible for him, for his death..."

I knew Roxas wouldn't have a clue as to what I meant but I was beyond caring, just glad that he'd stopped me, so glad. So _fucking_ glad. I wanted to get better, I really and truly did with every fiber of my miserable being. For my mom, who'd already lost a son, for my dad, who had to pretend to be strong but secretly went into the basement to cry while being drowning it out by with a blitzball game.

But most especially for Demyx, who was my life and sole reason for still existing.

The tears continued flowing in a steady stream from my eyes, trickling down my cheeks and dripping onto the floor. I buried my face in my hands, shuddering as each new sob shook my body. A timid hand turned into a tentative arm wrapping around my shoulders, gently hugging me to him. I couldn't have been more thankful for Roxas being there than I was for much anything else in my life, other than Demyx of course.

We stayed like that until I stopped crying sometime later. It honestly felt good to just let everything out, even if it was in front of someone who was little more than a stranger to me.

Somehow, and I'm not really sure how I knew this, I knew that I would never try to cut myself again, no matter how desperate I was or depressed I was feeling. I knew this time, without a single doubt crossing my mind, that I was ready to heal.

There is a big difference between saying that you're ready and actually being ready for something. I'd told myself that I wanted to get better quickly so I could go home and see Demyx again, get on with my life.

But it really wasn't until I was slumped on the, in Roxas' words, scuzy floor that I came to the realization that my new priority was to get better. When I'd first came to Oblivion, my priority had been get better to see Demyx again. There was never anything wrong with that, but it just wasn't fair. Before everything else that had happened, my priority and sole goal in life had been to woo Demyx.

But now, for the first time in my life, I was going to make myself a priority for the most unselfish reasons I could come up with. Sure, getting better would benefit me, but what getting better truly meant was I could be there for Demyx. A whole, solid person that he could depend on instead of worry about, a complete person that he could love and rely on.

That's what I wanted to be for him, and that was what my new mission entailed: become someone not only I could be proud of, but become someone the person who mattered most to me could be proud of, because the Lord only knows how proud he makes me always.

That was the first important realization I came to that day. The third was that Larxene hated my _mother fucking_ guts, but that isn't yet relevant, not pertaining until later.

The second realization, however, was relevant then in that distinct region of the story and it was that Roxas, somewhere and somehow, had known or met my brother.

"You knew Hayner," I croaked, my throat suddenly so very dry. I hadn't phrased it as a question; I knew that he had known him, just as surely as I knew that I would never be able to live without Demyx in my life.

The truth to my statement was obvious from the way his arm immediately fell off my shoulders and he backed up several steps. The truth was obvious in the obvious way the blood drained from his face and his eyes filled with shock.

"Zexion," he said quietly.

"You did know him," I insisted eagerly. "You did! Tell me how you knew him, I just want to know. Were you friends with him?"

"I should be insulted that you don't remember," he said quietly, pronouncing each word as if it weighed a ton to lift off his tongue. "I thought it was weird that you never mentioned it when you first got here."

"Remember what? Please, Roxas, I don't know what you're talking about," I said quickly, my fingers gripping onto his arm in a manner that could only be described as desparate.

Slowly, Roxas shook his head. "I just want to be forgiven," he whispered, more to himself than to me it seemed. "_You_ have no reason to feel guilty. But I…I just want to be forgiven."

"Roxas!" I shouted. "Explain to me what you're talking about! I have to know! Please..."

Again, he shook his head. "Not till you can forgive yourself. I won't tell you till then because you won't be able to handle it."

The tone of his voice told me he meant exactly what he said, whatever it was that he actually said. I was resigned in the fact that he wasn't going to tell me, thinking it to be another form of motivation to get better. Maybe he could tell me stories of Hayner, anything to make me feel a little closer to the brother that was desperate to have back but knew I was never going to see again.

"Okay," I said. A thought entered my brain, maybe useful in seeking a hint... "Roxas," I asked, "why are you a patient here?"

He looked away then, refusing to meet my eyes. When he did speak, it was quieter than a whisper, much, much too low for me to hear.

"Can you repeat that?" I asked. "I didn't catch a word of it..."

"I...I t-tried to k-kill myself by swallowing pills." His words hung through the stuffy, choking air as he turned around and fled the room as fast as he had come in, taking the pop can with him

o.O.o

I remained sitting in the bathroom floor for perhaps another ten minutes before I finally stood up and made my way over to the mirror. Glancing at my reflection, I saw that I looked like, in a word, shit.

My eyes were red and a swollen and puffy, still filled with that empty desperation that had plagued me naught twenty minutes ago. I normally looked pale, yes, but now I looked more so than usual, like I had the flu or something.

Sighing, I turned the cold water on, cupping my hands and splashing it up in my face, careful to first tuck my hair behind my ear so it, too, wouldn't end up a sopping mess. Grabbing some paper towels that were little more than cardboard, I gently dabbed the water off of my face, careful not to irritate my still burning eyes further.

Sighing deeply, I opened the bathroom door and stepped out into the hall. Once back inside the classroom without even a glance from Professor Vexen as to why I had been gone so long, a folded note was dropped onto my desk. Picking it up, it read: _Where's Roxas?_

I took a quick look up at Axel, knowing he was the one who the note was from. His face was filled with a blatant sense of worry, this emotion looking oddly displaced on his usually jubilant, if somewhat sarcastic, face. Picking up my pen, I scribbled back: _I don't know. He left the bathroom before I did._

A moment later, I got it back: _Was he okay? He didn't look too good after you left._

As fate would have it, at that precise moment, Larxene was making her way up the aisle between my and Axel's desks, snatching the note right from my hands as Axel handed it back to me.

"Give that back, Larxene," I hissed, reaching, and failing, to reclaim the note.

"I think not." She unfolded the note, grinning in a manner that could only be described as gleeful if it had been on anyone else on the planet's face. On Larxene it just looked sadistic.

"Lose your little bitch, have you Axel?" she asked my roommate, sneering.

Axel's face reddened to a color that oddly matched and simultaneously clashed with his hair. He was getting ready to open his mouth when I interrupted, "Don't say anything Axel, she really isn't worth getting in trouble over."

"Agreed," Marluxia said disinterestedly from two seats behind Axel.

Larxene glared at him, eyes flashing. I could see that it was finally beginning to dawn on her that the one person she had considered a friend had switched alliegences, that is, if this had been a war. It was, however, war to Larxene.

I don't really know what I was thinking, I probably wasn't and that was the problem, but I opened my mouth then, letting her have it. "I suggest you give that note back and sit your skinny ass back down before I get a harassment charge filed against you."

My words cut her to the quick, I could see it in her eyes, but she, for some reasone, listened. It probably would have been better for me if she hadn't.

Class ended shortly and Axel and I found our way back to our room for the hour we had today until our group counciling session.

"I'm really worried for him, you know?" he said suddenly, interrupting me from my own thoughts. "He just looked so sad when you got up and left, like he was going to be sick or something."

"Yeah, he was pretty upset when he left..." I agreed, trailing off.

"Do you know why?" Axel asked somewhat belligerently. I didn't hold it against him though, I couldn't. I knew what it was like to worry so much about someone you love that you'd do anything just to make them smile.

Looking him in the eye, I said simply, "I honestly can't say. He wouldn't tell me anything, except that he knew my brother and that the reason he's here is because he tried killing himself."

Axel paled. "H-he tried to kill himself?"

Mentally, I slapped myself. "You didn't know?"

Solemnly, he shook his head. "I guess I never really thought about it. I always just thought he was so perfect. It never really dawned on me that he would have had to done something to earn his place in the loony bin, right?." He paused a moment before asking again, "He really told you that he tried killing himself?"

I nodded, knowing it was too late to deny it now. Normally, I'm so calculating in everything I say that a single useless word rarely slips from my mouth. But today wasn't a normal day, far from it in fact.

"I'm going to go look for him, okay?" Axel said, standing up and walking to the door.

"That's probably a good idea. If he's anything like us, he'll only be a danger to himself."

"Too right you are," Axel replied grinning sadly, stepping into the hall to begin his search in the room Roxas shared with Marluxia.

As I glanced around our room, my eyes immediately zoomed in on a package laying precariously on my bed. It hadn't been there when I left that morning.

My stomach filled with a fresh, churning pit of guilt. The chicken scratch of addresses on the package could only belonge to Demyx.

Tentively, I picked up the package and opened it, careful not to rip it in the slightest because it came from Demyx and that, in itself, made it special.

I didn't notice the letter that floated to the ground as I pulled a c.d. out from inside the thin package. I rushed to the battery operated alarm clock that rested on my night stand, which, conveniently was also a c.d. player. I was in such a hurry to just listen, to just hear Demyx's voice that I nearly scratched the disc in the process. Sliding the c.d. into the slot, I pressed the play button and lay down on my bed as the disc started to play.

_"Hey Zexion," _Demyx said, laughing somewhat nervously. _"I know that this is probably the corniest thing ever, but I'm willing to put my pride on the line if it'll make you just a little happy. _

_"You always told me that you liked listening to me sing and play. Most of the time, I thought you were just humoring me, seeing as how I don't have a very singing type of voice."_

"Wrong," I whispered, smiling dreamily up at the ceiling, "you're voice is beautiful..."

_"Oh well. It was your encouraging that made me stick with music. Don't get me wrong, I love to play, but I probably would have given up a long time ago if you hadn't kept asking me to play for you."_

He paused for a moment, sighing. _"I know that you're going through something really hard right now and I know you don't want me to see you, so I'm going to try and do everything I can to make you get better faster so you can take me out on that date you promised me." _He chuckled. I could just picture his adorably uncomfortable smile as he said this.

_"So I decided to write you a song. I've actually been working on it for a while now, but your leaving motivated me to get my ass in gear and finish it._

_"So here goes..."_

The music begins in a slow, mellow, but very pleasant fashion. I listen to the soft strumming of the guitar until his voice begins to sing, that husky, vibrant voice of his that has a way of always making me feel as if I won the lottery. But better yet, as I had won his heart.

I can honestly, and shamefully, say I don't remember any part of this song except for the chorus no matter how many times I hear it, and believe me, I listen to it a lot. It makes me feel like a jackass, but I don't tell him that.

His voice rises, deepening as he breaks into the chorus.

_"With these simple chords I play_

_Each and every night_

_My heart doesn't know its limits_

_Because you make everything feel so right._

_Our journey has been a long one_

_This I can't deny_

_But it's been made so bearable_

_Baby, with you always by my side."_

I probably listened to the song about four or five (in truth, probably closer to ten) times before I ran out of my room and to the public phone.

I dialed that familiar number faster that I had ever dialed before, kicking myself over how much of an asshole I'd been. Deep down inside, I _knew_ Demyx was just trying to protect me, that he didn't want me to have something else to worry about on top of everything else. I could accept that now, that he felt the same protectiveness toward me as I did him.

_"Hello?" _His voice was surprised, uncertain.

"Demyx?" I asked, my voice cracking slightly.

_"Oh, Zexion, I'm so sorry I did-"_

"Demyx, stop. It was my fault-"

_"-n't tell you! I just wanted you to get-"_

"-I was that jerk. I totally deserve it if you-"

Needless to say, neither of us were really listening to the other.

_"Uh, Zexion?"_ he said. _"Maybe only one of us should talk at a time so we, I mean I, don't get confused over who is saying what."_

I laughed joyfully. Demyx's pure and outright innocence had a way of touching my heart. "I was getting a bit confused myself," I admitted, smiling slightly to no one in particular.

He paused, taking a deep breath. _"I'm really glad you called. I wanted to call you so much and appologize, but you were just so mad at me..."_

"I could never be mad at you, Demyx, I love you too much. I was mad at myself, I think, because it's my fault what happened to you."

_"It really isn't. I just don't know when to shut up sometimes. One of my flaws."_

"No-" I began to say before I was cut off by a very familiar screeching voice from the door way of the phone room.

"There you are, little Zexion, you fucking bastard." I looked up to find the owner of that screeching voice, Larxene, standing there with - _mother fucker, where did she get those? _- a pair of very pointy scissors in her hands.

"Oh shit," I swore under my breath.

_"Zexion?" _Demyx asked, voice filled with concern._ "Zexion, what's going on?"_

She advanced on me, her arm drawing back and ready to strike. She was in front of me within milliseconds by my count, plunging the rusty scissors into me.

And I screamed like I never screamed before in my life.

_"ZEXION? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!" _


	10. Chapter 9: Reunion

o.O.o

**Razorblade Shine  
Chapter 9: Reunion  
Revised December 27, 2008**

o.O.o

_Something in the way she knows  
And all I have to do is think of her  
Something in the thing she shows me  
I don't want to leave her now  
You know I believe in her now._  
-"Something" by the Beatles

o.O.o

Okay, so I exaggerated just the slightest little bit.

But there is something you should understand; this is _my_ narrative and I'm allowed to tell it as I see fit. So if I want to trick into believing the sky is falling on my head, I will. If I want you to think the aliens have landed and beamed all the potatoes right on up, I'll make my satire so convincing that even the biggest of skeptics will be cowering under their beds for fear that _War of the Worlds_ was really taking place.

Minus Tom Cruise, of course.

I did, however, get stabbed, and fairly deeply at that, but it was luckily in the shoulder, a spot where I could possibly take a fair bit of damage without it actually doing too much damage to my overall well-being.

And okay, so the scissors weren't even all that rusty, just rusty enough that a tetanus shot was required lest Oblivion Treatment Center get sued by my parents.

But there was, in fact, plenty of good blood spurtage for those out there who are secretly rooting for a certain deranged bitch named Larxene.

And it hurt like fucking hell, having a sudden foreign object thrust into a place foreign objects definitely should never go...

I must say, I was rather disappointed in the way Larxene handled everything, apart from the fact that she actually stabbed me that is. I had always imagined that if someone ever deemed me worthy of personally injuring just for the sake of injuring _me_, it would be accompanied with a brilliant soliloquy with them describing in strict detail how exactly I ruined their life and caused them the loss of their sanity. A soliloquy worthy of Shakespeare where, upon saying their peace out loud for the first time, they realized how horrendous their logic was and let me live.

Instead of the ravishing speeches to leave me in visions of grandeur, all I got was a fucking, "You sonofabitch, now everyone hates me."

And then _stab!_ That's it, that's all. I was called a sonofabitch and sent on my way. Metaphorically speaking, at any rate. And she only said it in exactly one breathless burst, her short speech lacking any sort of grievances list.

So utterly disappointing, I assure you.

It was thanks to Roxas (and Axel, who can't really receive any such praise or it'll go straight to his head. Oh, and Namine, too, for having those very handy drawing-the-future skills of hers), my savior, the one we should really all just bow down and worship for saving my ass twice in one miserable day, that I made it out of that puny phone room with only one stab. He just happened to be walking by the doorless phone room (hiding from Axel no doubt) and saw Larxene holding the scissors in a way that was scarily slasher-movie-esque.

Later on, he told me that he was really looking for me to spill his guts on how he knew my brother and to apologize for freaking out and running away from me. For some unexplainable reason, he still had that dumb and twisted, mangled and nearly lethal pop can in his hand. Realizing he didn't have enough time to plow her over, he threw it at her instead, distracting her concentration tenfold, kindly leaving all of Larxene's Zexion-stabbing thoughts to the wind.

Larxene then turned to see what exactly hit her in the back of the head, forgetting about me for a moment. I saw that scissors were still sticking out of my shoulder, and took the opportunity to punch her in the stomach with my good arm.

And right down she went.

I _wanted_ to hit her in the face, squash her nose and hear that satisfying _crunch _that always accompanies a broken nose, you know? But, tragically, I remembered that she was technically considered a girl and had to be treated as such. Even if she was a fucking rusty-scissor-stabbing-psycho-bitch.

So all notions of pulverizing her were dismissed.

A faint, _"Which room, Nam?" _rang out from somewhere down the hall. _Help_, I remember thinking blearily. Things were getting a bit hazy and my head was drooping onto my chest a bit. Too heavy to hold up as more blood flowed from my shoulder wound.

Against everything I've ever read, been taught, or seen on television, I pulled the scissors from my chest and dropped them, the scissors clattering to the floor, within Larxene's blasted reach. This is when the blood began flowing harder in a steady stream from my shoulder, pumping out and an alarming rate, dripping down my favorite hoodie that Demyx had given me last year for Christmas.

In my current pained and shocked state, and in my own defense, I wasn't quite thinking clearly enough to realize that such a dangerous weapon should not be resting so closely to the one who I like to call The Deranged Bitch.

Roxas, however (i.e luckily), _was_ thinking clearly and tried to dive for the scissors. However, he did not make it in time as he had to dive over her to get to them.

Her fingers again closed around the scissors and she made a sweeping plunge at Roxas' leg. The scissors hit him right in the meat of his calf. And down he went.

"You mother fucking bitch!" Axel's voice screetched at the blonde girl from where he stood in the doorway. I remember thanking him in my head for so perserveringly stalking Roxas. His obsession with the boy saved our lives.

Axel's foot connected solidly with her hand, sending the scissors flying across the tiny room to land somewhere behind me. This was so eerily similar to Roxas earlier kicking that stupid jagged pop can from hands that I started laughing. Hysterically, my body shaking with each and every odd giggle that escaped me. A giddy sort of cold was engulfing me then, as blood continued running down my arm and chest, going _drip drip drip _onto the floor next to me.

My quickly fogging mind also made the connection that it wasn't all that long ago that I was in a situation scarily similar to the current one, with the exception that I didn't do it to myself this time.

Axel pressed his foot to her neck, eyes cold, and really giving her only two options. One was to move and have her larynx squashed just like the insect she was, and exactly like she deserved. Or two, stay still. Which she obviously saw as the best (and safest) route to choose.

"You stabbed my friend, you stabbed my man, this won't go without consequence," Axel hissed down at the now shivering Larxene. She wasn't shivering in fear however, but because she was laughing hysterically in such a way that it rivaled my own currently insane cackling. But I, at least, had an excuse, or so I told myself.

"Namine?" Axel said.

"Yes?" the tiny blonde said quietly, stepping forth into the room. I hadn't even realized she was there. Her face was so abnormally pale that I for a second considered the possibility that Larxene might have gotten to her before she had even found me in the phone room.

"Go get Leon or Cloud or someone. Now! Before I do something I regret. These two need help, they're both bleeding. A lot. Oh God, a lot."

The giddy feelings quickly dissipated, leaving me mournful as I came crashing quickly down from my injury-induced euphoria.

"Axel?" I remember saying to him as I lay there on the ground, clutching my injury. "Say good-bye to Demyx for me. And tell him that I love him, will you? I have to go be with my brother now."

He rolled his eyes in the typical Axel fashion. "Imbecile," he muttered. "You are _definitely_ not dying. I wouldn't let you get killed by this cow."

Larxene growled at the insult. Like she had the right to be upset. Stupid psycho-bitch.

"Okay, well good-night then!" I announced before passing out.

And then I passed out.

—

Let us switch to Demyx's end of things for the time being, shall we? At this current point in time, he was going out of his mind, one set of fingers running through his blond hair in a nervous gesture he had picked up a very long time ago.

"ZEXION?" he had yelled into the phone, speaking probably harsher that he ever had in his life. He wasn't known for his excessive usage of the vulgarities. "Mother fucker! Zexion, what the _hell _is going on?"

Somehow in process of all the stabbing and throwing and would-be insect-squashing, I had hung up the phone, leaving Demyx completely and utterly alone out in left field. Silly me, but I hadn't even supplied him with a glove. He continued to shout into the phone for a while, even after he heard the dial tone serenading him.

See, all Demyx had actually heard was my whisper of, "Oh shit!" And then the screaming. And then absolutely nothing.

It took Demyx a short while to realize that the ever-annoying dial tone was blaring in his ear, but we should all give him a break. I mean, he did just hear the love of his life scream like a friggin banshee over a phone from where he was currently locked up with the rest of the nuts. I say he deserves a break, but that could just be my bias as I just so happen to be the afformentioned love of his life.

Rational Demyx would not have panicked, would have hauled out the nearest phonebook and called the front desk of Oblivion Treatment Center and gotten the complete 4-1-1 on what was going down within their walls.

Rational Demyx would not have stolen his parents' car and driven it all the way to Oblivion. He also would not have dragged his equally-excitable and hyperactive little brother and little brother's boyfriend all the way to Oblivion in the car he helped steal from his parents.

Rational Demyx would not. But Irrational Demyx did all of the above.

He had been upstairs in his bedroom while on the phone with me, absentmindedly strumming on his guitar. Twelve seconds after he realized he had been hung up on, he was flying down the stairs and into the kitchen where his parents, who were both still at work, had left the keys for him or Sora to use in case of emergency, knocking over the small Island in the middle of the kitchen, which, in itself, was quite the feat as it was very heavy.

But this _was_ an emergency, one that he failed to warn his parents about.

"Demyx?" Sora said groggily, his eyes looking to be in quite the glazed over fashion as he had been recently engaging in a rather heated make out session with Riku on the couch in the living room. "Demyx, what's going on?"

"Zexion screamed," Demyx said in a squeaky sort of voice. "Fuck!" he cursed as he tripped over the coat rack, which fell into the painting that crazy old Uncle DiZ had given their family for Christmas a few years back. The painting then crashed into the ground, cracking the frame and taking a certain prized glass end table down with it. His parents _really_ should have known better and had the house Demyx/Sora-proofed ages ago.

Gracefulness was definitely not Dem's forte. And that is an understatement.

"He...screamed?" Riku asked blearily. He, too, wasn't quite with it at that moment.

"Yeah, screamed and then hung up the phone! I have to go see him! I have to know if he's alright!"

"Where are you going?" Sora asked, getting up off of the couch and following Demyx out the front door, Riku trailing behind, shutting the door.

"Oblivion. He's in trouble. The nuts got him, I just know it!"

Sora nodded in affirmation. "Well then I'm coming too! Zexion is like a brother to me and I want to know he's okay the second you do!"

"You can't come," Demyx said faint, not actually aware of what he had just uttered.

"And why not?" Riku demanded. "Give us one good reason why we shouldn't come?"

"Well...I might get killed driving up there."

"No you won't," Riku said, snatching the keys from Demyx's hand. "I'll drive. We all know that you're a terrible driver, especially under any kind of stress."

"Okay..." Demyx agreed faintly. It didn't help that he was a little loopy from the Morphine that he was still taking as he had only just been released from the hosptital.

No one even bother mentioning that it would have proved hard to drive indeed with a cast on, and other countless injuries.

The three boys made it up to Oblivion Treatment Center in nearly a third of the time that it normally takes, Riku speeding, but carefully, the entire way with Demyx sporadically encouraging him to drive faster.

Sora glanced sadly back at his older brother, who was currently staring listlessly out the window of the back seat. It was decided that the back seat was safest for him as he might try to do something stupid, like take the wheel from Riku. And that would have been very dangerous for them all.

I really hurt Sora so see Demyx so distraught with everything that had happened to him recently. Comforting me after Hayner, who had really been everyone's friend, died. Watching me slowly destroy himself. Putting up with my being sent away after I was caught cutting myself. Getting beaten up and being (obviously) too scared to name the fiends who did it.

And now this. We can just never catch a break, can we?

It just really hurt him to know that his big brother, usually so joyful and exuberant, his big brother whom he had always looked up to and wanted to be just like, was now so sad all of the time.

Riku pulled the car into Oblivion's parking lot (compliments going out to a GPS unit on helping him find his way there as Demyx wasn't exactly in condition for giving directions at the moment), sliding the car between a motorcycle and a beat-up red pick-up with a bumper sticker that read _Cyclopses Unite!_

"Demyx," Sora said softly when his brother didn't immediately jump from the car, "Demyx, we're here."

"Right," Demyx said, then jumping from the car and storming to the door. Sora jumped out to follow.

"Should we call your parents and tell them where we are?" Riku asked.

"Later," Sora said, at Demyx's heels. Riku seriously doubted if Sora had even heard what he had said.

Once inside, Demyx marched to the front desk, drawing nearer to the perky young ninja. He remembered her from the last time he was here. "I'd like to know what is going on with Zexion Schemer," he said with the most self-assurance he had probably ever shown in his life.

"You're Zexion's boyfriend, aren't you?" the short girl asked. What was her name? Yuffette? Yuffa? Something odd like that...

"I am. I was on the phone with him when he screamed and hung up. I drove all the way up here to find out what the _fuck_ is going on." He tried his hardest to keep his voice even. It was scarcely working.

"Well, if you would have called, then I could have told you that he is currently being treated at Hollow Bastion Memorial in the next town over. Oblivion doesn't have a general hospital, you see..."

But they were already out the door.

o.O.o

Mr. and Mrs. Nocturne arrived home around six to find their front door unlocked and their two sons (and presumably younger son's best friend who never really seemed to go home) and car missing, with house apparently ransacked.

They proceeded to call the police.

o.O.o

"I repeat, _may I have Zexion Schemer's room number?" _Demyx asked, his face very red from frustration.

"And I repeat, are you family?"

"I'm his boyfriend!"

"But not blood-related?" the nurse asked, with an eye-brow raised.

Demyx's only response was an exasperated, "Ahhh!" He slammed his fist viciously on the desk before turning away, his fingers again running through his blond hair in frustration.

Riku strolled up to the front desk then. "Zexion is my older brother," he said, worry clouding his features. His turquoise eyes even filled with tears. Did I ever mention what a good actor Riku was?

The nurse smiled sweetly at Riku. "He's in room 69 on the first floor," she said, her face flushed.

Riku winked at her and bid her good day.

As the three boys walked away, Sora laughed. "I cannot _believe_ that actually worked! You don't look anything like Zexion!"

_I know_, I had agreed when events were later related to me. _I'm much better looking. _Demyx sided with me. Now that's loyalty folks.

"It's a gift..." he said nonchalantly.

Demyx didn't hear any of this, though, as he was charging down the hall, looking for room 69. Upon finding it, he held his breath and stepped inside, expecting to discover that my face had been hacked off or that my leg was amputated or a huge gaping hole in my abdomen where my spleen used to reside, not prime real estate on the black market.

He has quite the imagination.

From his point of view, he could see that I was pale, bandaged, and wincing, but awake, with face and limbs and spleen still, from what he could see, in tact. Sighing deeply in relief, he smiled as he neared me, whispering, "I seriously hope that you're not going to make a habit of getting admitted into hospitals."

I smiled up at Demyx then, reaching for his hand with my good arm. Grasping it, I planted a delicate kiss upon his hand, noting the yellowing, yet still visible, bruises upon it.

"I'll try not to," I murmured, feeling happier than I had in ages despite the fact that I had almost cut myself to ribbons and had actually been stabbed all earlier in this very day.

None of that mattered anymore, because this was now. And this was _Demyx._


	11. Chapter 10: Visitation

o.O.o

**Razorblade Shine  
Chapter 10: Reunion  
Revised on December 28, 2008**

o.O.o

_Like a summer rose  
Needs the sun and rain  
I need your sweet love  
To beat love away.  
_-"I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself" by the White Stripes

o.O.o

Demyx had joined me in my very small, twin-sized hospital bed, much too small for the two of us really, but we somehow managed. It was unbelievably comforting to just be able to lean back on him, his arms wrapped securely around me in the places I wasn't injured while I delicately sat in a way so my weight wasn't in any contact with his injured ribs. I can only imagine what we must have looked like to those who walked in on us: two boys lying in a single hospital bed, one with a bright blue cast and bruises on his face, the other with his arm in a sling covered in scars. Like two people who had just gotten back from war, was my guess.

It is hard to explain, but for that time, just sitting there, I felt as if all the pressure had been relieved from my chest. I wasn't dwelling on my brother's death, I wasn't stressing over the pain I put my friends and family and Demyx through, and I most certainly wasn't concerned over what I was going to do when I actually _did _get out of Oblivion. I felt carefree for the first time in so long that I can only describe it as an out-of-body experience, as I didn't feel like I was actually me. But I was.

And this light, airy feeling was one that I most desperately wanted to grow accustomed to, longed to get used to it.

That was the plan at any rate.

I mean, I did eventually get to experience that feeling on an everyday basis, but that wasn't until much later on, long after I was deemed cured and left Oblivion for good. But I won't get into that right now; it would spoil all the _fun _of everything that happened in between.

Demyx's breath was hot on the back of my neck as he quickly craned down to kiss the back of it. The perpetual smile on my face since he had walked into the room widened further.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly into my ear. His voice was nervous, a little unsure.

"For what?" I asked, turning my head to look at him as best I could from the way I was sitting.

"I broke the rules," he began, sounding as if he was prepared to be chastised like some child who had gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "I came to see you," Dem continued. "I know I wasn't supposed to, but the way you sounded on the phone–"

I laughed in relief. I was worried that he was about to confess something especially heinous to me, something that would break the moment, and possibly my heart.

"Demyx, don't worry about it. If the roles had been reversed, I would have broken the rules too. In fact, I'm actually glad that you did break them." He looked a little surprised to hear me say this as I had been adamant about the no-visiting rule last time we were together. "Maybe I can make a few exceptions to the rules."

That radiant smile of his lit up his entire face, crinkling his eyes as he eminated the same, child-like exuberance I had fallen in love with so many years ago. He kissed me quickly on the tip of my nose, still smiling.

"You mean that, Zexion? I can come visit you?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I guess I do. I've missed you too much. Being apart is just too hard. I think that maybe I will get better faster if I have your visits to look forward to."

He nodded vigorously. "It _will_ help!" he said passionately. "I'll be here everyday after school and–"

Smiling, I shook my head. "As much as I regret to say it, you and I both know that you cannot come up here everyday after school. You would fall behind in your school work."

His own smile slackened. "Yeah, and I'm falling behind now as it is."

"You're falling behind? Why didn't tell me?"

His eye shifted away guiltily. "I didn't want you to worry about me. You have enough on your plate now as it is without having to worry about mine as well."

"Demyx, don't worry about me so much, okay? I'm actually doing pretty good." I wasn't about to tell him of my near relapse only hours previous. That had been my own fault anyway, and I had already started putting it behind me.

"Really?" he asked skeptically. I didn't really blame him for his suspician, I just couldn't.

"Yes, really. I can't deny that it's been hard, _fucking_ hard, but I'm making it through each day. I've got a few good friends there, so that helps one helluva lot. And I haven't cut myself since the day that you found me. You can check my whole body if you want," I said before grinning cheekily at him. "In fact, I insist."

He winced, pain contorting upon his face as he shook for a second, not laughing at my joke as I had intended, trying to lighten the situation. "Please," he said, "don't bring up that day. I-I thought that you were going to die! I was terrified! Please, let's just focus on the future right now, okay?"

"Okay," I replied quietly, lacing my fingers through his. We were both silent for a while, both lost deeply in the abyss of our own thoughts.

"Saturdays?" he asked suddenly, his voice hopeful, nothing like the tortured tone it had taken only moments previous.

"Hm?" I asked, turning to look at him again.

"Saturdays. You said that I can't come on the week nights, so can I come to visit you on Saturdays?" His energetic nervousness had returned, buried under the eagerness to get his way, to get to visit me once a week.

"Okay then, Saturdays sound good. But only if you pull your grades up. If not, I'll have Sora and Riku force you to stay home and study until your grades _do_ improve. Sora would probably do whatever I tell him to and I have some family-pull with Riku."

"Zexion," he whined, "I'm not you. I'm not smart or brainy or anything. For years I've wondered why you were my friend when I'm clearly too dumb for you."

"Demyx!" I said, sitting up suddenly, my bad arm jerking in a _very_ unpleasant way.

"Your arm!" he said, trying to restrain me from moving further.

"I don't care about my goddamned arm right now!" I snapped. "Don't _ever _let me hear you call yourself dumb or anything of the such! I'd never be friends or date someone whom I thought was an idiot. If anything, _you_ are far too good for _me_. You have such a big heart and you can befriend anyone. The entire school loves you."

"Well, not everyone," he said, running a finger of the purple bruise on his jaw.

Turning around completely so I was straddling him, I gently cupped his face with my good hand, careful not to touch any of the bruises. "You didn't deserve that, Demyx. No one does, but especially not you. I don't know who did this too you, but they'll get what they deserve one way or another, I'll make sure of it."

"Zexion, there isn't anything you can do."

"Yeah, you're probably right, but I'll try. I know that it's my fault that this happened. Well, maybe not my fault, but I'm the reason this happened. And I'll find some way to make it up to you."

Demyx shook his head. "Zexion, you weren't the reason–"

"Demyx, don't lie to me, okay? I'm not a fool. I know you don't want me to feel guilty, but if it weren't for me, you never would have been beaten up. Besides, what have _you _ever done to make someone want to beat you up?" He remained quiet.

"Look, don't be sad, okay? Let's enjoy our time together while we can."

"Okay, Zexion." Hesitantly, he brushed the hair from out of my eyes, letting his fingers linger on the side of my face. He leaned forward, brushing his lips feather-soft against mine.

"Zexion!" I heard someone yell from the doorway of my room as the door was flung open, smacking into the wall. "Zexion!" I now recognized the voice as Axel's, his tone desparate. "Oh, sorry, I'll just leave," he said when he realized what he was interrupting.

"Damn," I whispered, slightly unhappy at the unlucky timing. Clambering off of Demyx's lap, I carefully sat next to him. "No it's okay, Axel," I said, smiling slightly at my new friend. "I'd like you to meet Demyx."

"So this is the famous Demyx, huh?" the redhead said, striding forward to make a seat for himself at the foot of the hospital bed. "I've heard a lot out about you, all good of course. Like Zexion could talk bad about you. In fact, you're pretty much _all_ he talks about."

My face fell into my good hand in frustration. I had forgotten Axel's habit of talking. Non-stop. And about everything.

"Demyx, this is my roommate, Axel. He, obviously, doesn't know when to shut up."

"Nice to meet you," Axel said, knowing all too well how much he was embarrassing me. He smiled at me wryly, letting me know it was all on purpose.

"You talk about me?" Demyx asked me, smiling through his beat-red face. Poor Demyx.

"Well, he does talk about other things too, like science and stuff, but I mostly just tune that out because it isn't quite as interesting as his boyfriend and truthfully, bores the shit out of me. You are cute by the way, despite that fact that you had the shit beaten out of you recently."

"Um, thank you," Demyx said, though it sounded more like a question than anything.

"Don't mention it. I just want my little Zexykins to be happy."

Demyx snorted. "Zexykins. His grandma _still _calls him that. Even now, when he's seventeen years old."

"Really?" Axel asked, a lot more interested now that he had discovered Demyx's biggest flaw: not knowing when to shut up. Axel had the same problem but the difference between him and Axel, though, was that Demyx wasn't conscious of it, while Axel was fully aware of the torment being inflicted upon me.

I threw Axel a withering look, one that said if he uttered another word, then I would make sure Roxas would never think of him as anything but the creepy red-haired guy who liked to stalk him in his spare time.

"I did come in here for a couple of reasons," he said, getting the hint. "One was to see how you were doing, which is quite well if what I walked in on holds any evidence. So how are you?"

"I feel fine, a little funny due to the medicine they gave me, but good overall. How are you, Axel? Did psycho-bitch hurt you too? I kind of passed out so I didn't know what happened next."

"No, I'm fine. The paramedics just insisted that I come to the hospital to get checked out too, just in case, I suppose. But the second reason I came in was because I need advice."

I laughed in a mocking sort of way. "Axel?" I asked. "Need advice?"

"Yes, even the Great Axel, Protector and Rescuer of the Nut House needs a little advice every once in a while. It really doesn't happen all that often, mind you."

"I should think not. But what sort of advice do you need?"

"Well, I really want to go visit Roxas in his room. I just don't know what to say to him when I get there."

I saw Demyx frown slightly at something Axel said, but he kept silent. I made the mental note of questioning him about it later.

"What do you _want_ to say to him?" I asked, grasping Demyx's hand to reassure him that I hadn't forgotten about him.

"What do I want to say? I _want _to say that I want him to be my boyfriend. I _want_ to say that I've pretty much been in love with him since the day I got here and saw him sitting there so quietly reading a book."

An unconscious smile fell across his face as he talked about my blond savior, after Demyx of course. "I walked right up to him and told him to stop reading because I wanted to know everything about him. He looked up at me in confusion before throwing his book at me and leaving. God, I love that kid."

"He threw a book at you?" Demyx asked, a little taken aback.

"Yeah," Axel said, his eyes far-off. "I've tried giving the book back to him a few times but he refuses to accept it. So now I just carry it with me wherever I go." He pulled a somewhat tattered copy of _The Count of Monte Cristo_ from the pocket of his hoodie. "I'm even reading it so I can talk to him about it. I've never read a book for a guy before."

"You should tell him then," I urged.

"Tell him what?" he asked quizzically.

"Exactly what you told us. Tell him that you love him. I don't think he knows. I think that he thinks that you get off on bothering him all the time."

"Really? You think that he thinks that I don't care?"

"Well..." I trailed off.

"Yeah, you are probably right. I should tell him. Just like that, I should tell him. I'll go do that. Right now."

He got up and started walking to the door. "Thanks for the advice, Zexion. You're a good friend to me, even when I'm such a jackass all the time."

"You're not that bad–"

"--I'm really glad that I was finally able to meet you, Demyx. I was starting to think that Zexion had made you up."

Demyx laughed, smiling over at me. "I'm glad I met you too, Axel. I'm glad that you're there for Zexion when I can't be."

"Of course," Axel said, wearing his usual sly grin, before exiting the room and shutting the door quietly behind him.

"He's quite the character," Demyx said, chuckling.

"That he is," I readily agreed, picking up where we had left off.

o.O.o

Okay, so we shall be taking a break from Demyx and I and move on to Axel for the time being.

After he left my room, he proceeded to wander down the hall until he encountered a desk with a secretary that would tell him which room Roxas was in. Axel didn't, however, expect to be body slammed by Demyx's younger brother.

Sora had gone to get a drink at the drinking fountain a few yards away from where he and Riku were sitting patiently for news from Demyx, and Sora, ever-clumsy, slid on a little water on the floor, right into Axel who was trying not to psych himself out too much.

The two fell the floor in a heap, Sora landing somewhat cushioned on top of Axel. "Ow, kid! Your elbows

are digging into my ribs!"

"Sorry! I'm so sorry!" Sora said scrambling off Axel.

Riku got up from where he had been sitting and rushed over to see what happened. From where he had been sitting, all he had seen was Sora going down out of the corner of his eye.

"Are you okay?" Riku asked, helping Sora to his feet.

"Yeah, but he's not. I hurt him!"

"I'll be okay so don't worry about it. But could you guys help me off the floor?"

"Of course," Sora said, rushing to make up for his clumsiness and again sliding on the water. This time, though, Riku was there to grab him by the back of the shirt to keep him from falling. "Thanks Riku. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Probably fall down on top of me again," Axel groaned, as Riku extended his other hand to help the redhead up. Axel hobbled over to the nearest chair, collapsing into it with a groan. "You know, for a scrawny kid, you sure pack one helluva punch when you crash into someone and fall on top of them."

Sora smiled sheepishly, taking the seat next to Axel. "Are you sure you're okay? Can I get you anything? Pop? A Snickers maybe? Advil?"

"One question at a time, 'kay? There's only so much I can take in my severely addled state. And no, I'll be alright."

Riku sat down on Sora's other side, staring curiously down at Axel's choice in footwear. He had on black Converses that didn't have any laces, instead with a stip of duct tape holding the two pieces of cloth together so he didn't walk right out of his shoes.

"You don't have any shoelaces," Sora said innocently when he'd seen Riku staring down at Axel's shoes.

"They don't let us have them where I stay," Axel said offhand, clutching the back of his head, which had smacked into the floor when he fell.

"Where do you stay?"

"The funny farm," he muttered.

"Huh?" Sora asked, frowning.

"Oblivion Treatment Center. I'm a patient there."

"Really? I know someone there too," Sora said happily. "You just came out of Zexion Schemer's room, didn't you?"

"Yeah," he replied, sitting up. "He's my roommate and he got hurt today by a deranged bitch. Lucky I was there to save him. How do you know Zexion?"

"Zexion is my cousin," Riku said.

"And he is dating my brother!" Sora said, bouncing slightly in his chair, happy that Axel wasn't mad at him. Sora had been positive that he had caused Axel lifelong mental scars and was relieved to discover that he had not.

"You're Demyx's brother?"

"Yep. Do you know Demyx too?" Sora asked excitedly.

"I just met him in there. He's a cool guy, your brother. And you're related to Zexion?"

"I am. His real mom left when Zexion's younger brother was first born. Post-partum depression or something like that. Anyway, his dad married my aunt when Zexion was about four or five and she raised them as her own."

"Small world, huh?"

Sora, turning to Axel, asked, "How is he doing? Demyx was so worried because they were talking on the phone together and Zexion screamed or something and the line went dead. We got here as quickly as we could."

"He'll be okay. He got stabbed with a pair of scissors in the shoulder though. Another boy got hurt too, trying to save Zexion. He got stabbed in the leg. I was going to go see him now."

"Will you thank him for me, the other boy? Tell him I'm so happy he had the courage to save Zexion from worse injury. I don't know what Demyx would do if Zexion got seriously hurt again."

"I will," Axel said with a smile that more resembled a grimace. "I will. Actually, I was going there to see how he's doing. And to ask him to be my boyfriend."

"Really? That's great! I sure hope he says yes! You seem like a really nice guy. By the way, what's your name?"

"Axel."

"Well, I'm Sora and this is Riku. He's _my_ boyfriend."

The three chatted for a little longer until Sora eventually got anxious enough to burst into my hospital room as Demyx was finally telling me why he had made such a weird face while Axel was speaking earlier. Axel proceeded to find a secretary to ask which room Roxas was in, taking a leaf from Riku's book and saying that he was Roxas' brother.

Axel knocked on Roxas' door, getting a hesitant "Come in!" a moment later.

Opening the door, Axel smiled at Roxas, crossing the room to sit on the edge of his bed. Roxas' leg was bandaged and propped up on a pillow.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"I've been better," the blond admitted quietly.

Chuckling, Axel added, "I bet you have."

The two grew awkwardly silent as they sat, not meeting each other's eyes. _Grow some balls Axel,_ the redhead thought to himself. _Just do it! What's the worst he can do? He doesn't even have book to chuck at you this time._

"There's, um, something I'd like to talk to you about."

Roxas looked up quickly, his blue eye wide in surprise at the next words that came from Axel's next words.

o.O.o

Like I said before, Demyx was telling me why he'd had such a weird look on his face before Sora came bursting into my room. When I asked him about it, he looked up at me quickly before glancing away.

"Well, wasn't Roxas the name of Hayner's one friend? The one we went to the beach with over the summer?"

o.O.o


	12. Chapter 11: Contest

o.O.o

**Razorblade Shine  
Chapter 11: Contest  
Revised on December 28, 2008**

o.O.o

_I've been locked inside your heart-shaped box for weeks  
I've been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap  
I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black._  
-"Heart-shaped Box" by Nirvana

o.O.o

Roxas' face blanched, whitened, and he looked like he was about to vomit. "You...what...?" he managed to croak, looking away quickly, not able to withstand Axel's intense gaze.

"I. Am. In. Love. With. You. As in, you make my heart go ba-dump-ba-dump. As in, I want to date you. I'm in love with you, got it memorized?"

He was really starting to question the blond boy's sanity as he couldn't seem to fathom what was so difficult to the boy. There were only two things he could say really, either he loved him, or he didn't.

Unless he hated him, which was technically a third option, one that Axel wanted to beat into the ground and pulverize for even being in existence. But then again, his mind told him, if Roxas hated him, that would at least be an emotion of some kind. If he felt absolutely nothing for him, that would be far worse; there would be nothing, a gigantic abyss of fucking nothing. Now _that_ particular thought was too much to conceive.

"You don't love me," Roxas said quietly, pitifully. "You can't."

Axel was starting to get frustrated. It wasn't every day that he laid his nuts on the live for someone he barely knew but was head over heels for. "I can, and I _do." _

"No, it just isn't possible. You just like teasing me and messing with my head," he tried convincing himself. Even he didn't believe it, however.

"It's true enough that I _do_ like messing with your head, but I am also in fucking love with you!" He yelled the last part, commanding the attention of the cobalt eyes once again. They were sad, depressed and frightened, all of which Axel couldn't understand.

A very long and awkward silence filled the room as Axel's eyes burned into the blonde's. Roxas could finally tell that Axel was serious, he just couldn't comprehend _why._

"I don't deserve it," he said quietly. "I don't deserve you're love. Or anyone's, for that matter."

Axel's mood brightened considerably as a possibility came to mind. "You're just scared, right? Of dating and relationships and all that good shit."

When Roxas didn't say anything, Axel voiced another distinct possibility. "Or you're not gay. That's probably it. You probably have a girlfriend or something. You and Namine? Well, I'm very happy for the two of you. Go make lot's of little blond babies together."

With that, Axel got up and began a long, dejected walk to the door.

"I'm not," Roxas said. "I'm not dating Namine."

"Really?" Axel asked jovially, spinning around to face him.

"No, she's like a sister to me. I couldn't date her."

Axel frowned slightly. "Because she's like your sister or because you're gay?"

"Both," Roxas replied quietly.

"So then it's just a matter of whether or not you have feelings for me. Do you?" he asked blatantly. "Do you have feelings for me or not?"

o.O.o

Riku and Sora visited for a while before deciding to give us a little more alone time. "We'll have to leave soon, Demyx. We have school tomorrow." Demyx nodded sadly, not wanting to leave anymore than I wanted him to leave.

"Are you sure?" I asked Demyx as the other two left my room, knowing the answer even as I asked it. "Was his name really Roxas?"

He nodded, a little worried. "It isn't a very common name, but it could be a different person altogether."

"No, they're the same person," I said quietly, remembering the boy who had gone on vacation with us. Same blond hair, same blue eyes, same build, same voice. Why hadn't it clicked before now that I knew Roxas? Why hadn't it clicked that Roxas was _friends_ with my brother? Was that why Roxas didn't like talking to me, because he didn't know what to say? Or was it because he didn't want to bring up any bad memories?

No, I thought, avoiding bad memories is _unavoidable_, impossible. You can't just forget that you had a brother.

I was dumbfounded as to why I didn't put it together before, but soon came up with an explanation: while on vacation, I was focused on Demyx one-hundred percent. I had been planning on confessing to him then, telling him just how much I was in loved with him, but chickened out last minute. Good reasoning, but not an excuse on my part, especially since it was only a little over a year ago.

"They're the same person," I repeated, turning into Demyx, wrapping my good arm around him softly, gently burying my face in his neck. Tears began sliding down my face, but he didn't say a word, just hugging me close and whispering into my ear: "I love you."

o.O.o

Roxas' eyes again skittered away, resting on his nervous fingers instead. "I don't know. I think so."

"That's great!" Axel said enthusiastically. "So what now?"

"What do you mean?"

"I like you, you like me. So what do we do now?"

"Axel, I can't–"

"What do you mean 'you can't?'" the redhead asked. "I fail to see the problem you seem to be having."

"I can't date you, Axel. I'm sorry," he said apologetically.

"And why not?"

Roxas was now growing frustrated. The only time he ever grew this frustrated was when Axel was within ten feet of him. Nothing seemed to frustrate him quite like Axel, but he wasn't so sure that this was a bad thing.

Before, he had just thought that messing with him was Axel's hobby, that there was nothing real to it at all, just something to pass the time. And it hurt, because Roxas _had_ started developing feelings for the older boy, ever so gradually, until he wanted nothing more than to be perfect, to be washed clean of his sins. To be forgiven. But now that he saw Axel's sincerity, he didn't know what to do. He still wanted to be forgiven, but he didn't know if he was even brave enough to ask for it.

"Because I'm a bad person, Axel. I've done bad things and I don't deserve to be happy. And I sure as hell can't make you happy."

"I don't know why you seem to think you're such a bad person, but don't you think that it should be my decision as to whether or not you can make me happy? Just thinking about you makes me happy, just being in the room with you makes me happy. You're making me happy right now, paying attention to me even though you're sending my emotions through the fucking grinder."

"You don't understand."

Axel was at the bed in half a second, sitting close to the blond, invading every inch of his personal space and taking Roxas' face into his hands. "Then make me," he said scarcely above a whisper, making the boy look at him. "Make me understand."

"I don't think I can," he replied truthfully, heart beating wildly at the heat Axel was creating just being in the proximately. Axel was a very warm person, normal temperature running about 101 degrees.

"Then try," he said, then pleading, "please."

Roxas thought for a moment, gathering his words. "I need to be forgiven," he said honestly.

Axel frowned. "Forgiven? By who?"

"Zexion."

His frown grew into a half-scowl. Zexion was his friend, but he failed to see what he had to do with it, telling Roxas so.

"I need to forgiven by him for what I did," Roxas said, closing his eyes painfully.

"What did you do?" Axel asked quietly, worried. "Did you guys date or something?"

"No. I can't tell you, it's too despicable. And I don't want you to hate me."

Axel laughed solemnly. "I could never hate you, not unless you killed someone."

Roxas gasped sharply, squeezing his eyes shut even tighter. Axel misread this action, thinking instead that Roxas was trying not to laugh during such a serious situation.

"All you have to do is ask Zexion and he'll forgive you. He's a really cool guy. I'm positive he'll forgive you for whatever you did."

"He won't, no one would if they were him."

"Well, then he'll learn to forgive you!" Axel said vehemently. "I'll make him forgive you!"

"You can't just do that!" Roxas cried, his eyes snapping open. "It just doesn't work that way, Axel."

"Fine, then," he said to nothing in particular.

"I need some time," Roxas said finally. "I need some time to think about all of this."

Axel let go quickly. "Okay, I'll give you all the time you need. I can be surprisingly patient when it comes to things that I want, and I've never wanted anything more than you. So I'll wait, I will, but please don't make me wait too long."

Roxas nodded. "I won't," he said, kissing Axel's cheek before the redhead got up and left the room.

o.O.o

We had to say our good-byes a little while later. I hugged Demyx, telling him that he could only come visit me Saturday, but only if Riku gave the go-ahead.

"You mean the only way I can visit you is if an anal, silver-haired pretty boy who spends most of his time with his tongue jammed down my little brother's throat says I can?" he asked mockingly.

"Yep," I said smiling, "that sounds about right."

He kissed me one last time, before turning and leaving.

"Pretty boy?" Riku muttered. "I'm a pretty boy?"

"Yep!" Sora said happily, taking his hand. "But it sure makes looking at you a lot easier!"

"I'm glad I finally got to meet him," Axel said to me after they left. He had come back a little while ago, much more subdued than usual. "He's a really nice, caring guy. You've done well for yourself."

"Yeah," I agreed. "But I think about how close I was to killing myself and it makes me want to beat myself up all over again. I can't stand the thought of making him cry over me."

Axel smiled tightly, strain marks lining his mouth. "Yeah, you'd be a real bastard if you didn't spend you're time trying to make it up to him."

"I know," I nodded, determined. "So what went on with Roxas?" I asked.

"Well, he told me he likes me–"

"That's wonderful!"

"–but won't date me right now."

"Why not?" I asked again.

"That's not for me to say," he said after a guarded moment.

Doctors Leonhart and Strife made an appearance a second later, walking brusquely into the room. "I'm really sorry about what happened," Leon began. "I want you to know that Larxene has already been transferred to a different hospital, one that deals more specifically with psychiatric care."

"Axel," Cloud said, gesturing to the door. "Out."

"See you later, Zex," he said, leaving the room, Cloud following.

"Well, that's really good news," I said uncomfortably. Secretly, I was ecstatic.

"Um, well, I've brought you something," he said, handing me a magazine. "I hope you feel better. Be ready for some major discussion when you return."

"I will," I replied wryly.

After Leon left, I gave a look at the magazine. It was a literary magazine, sponsored by Twilight Town University. Flipping through it, I noticed that there was one page in particular that had the corner folded over. Opening it up to the page, I couldn't doubt that the fold had been deliberate because on that particular page, an advertisement gleamed up at me, reading:

CALLING ALL YOUNG WRITERS!

Twilight Town University is once again sponsoring its

annual Young Writers Contest. As always, there are three

categories, fiction, nonfiction, and essay. The top work from

each category will be selected by a panel of judges, then going on

to be judged against each other for one grand prize!

Second runner up wins $500 dollars!

First runner up wins $1000!

Grand prize winner receives $2000!

All submissions must be postmarked no later than June 2.

o.O.o

Demyx, Riku, and Sora hadn't even made it five miles from the hospital when they were pulled over by a cop. Riku, who was once again driving, rolled down the window and asked, "Can I help you, Officer?"

"I need all of you to step outside the vehicle."

"What for?" Sora asked, acquiescing and opening his door. Riku and Demyx followed suit, stepping outside.

"I need all of you to place your hands on the hood of the car."

Frowning, they did as they were told. The cop's partner quickly began patting Demyx down. "This one's clean," he said, moving on to Sora. "This one's clean too," he said again.

"Yeah, this one too," the first cop said of Riku. "I need all of you to put your hands behind your backs, you're under arrest."

"_For what?! _ Demyx asked incredulously as he put his hands behind his back, winching as the cop slammed the cuffs around his wrists.

"Grand theft auto," the first cop grunted as they stuffed the three boys into the back of the cruiser.

o.O.o


	13. Chapter 12: Crime and Punishment

o.O.o

**Razorblade Shine  
Chapter 12: Crime and Punishment  
Revised on December 28, 2008**

o.O.o

_Maybe you'll know when you see it  
Maybe if say it, you mean in  
When you find that you keep it  
In a permanent state  
A permanent state._  
-"White Shadows" by Coldplay

o.O.o

And that's when the Martians landed. Ha friggin' ha.

You really should have seen your face. Ah, grand theft auto indeed. You'll probably try to sue me now for telling you such a colossal and outright lie. Or castrate me (which isn't entirely all that bad seeing how I don't exactly see myself ever fathering a child. At least in this lifetime).

Personally, I think Axel is rubbing off on me. Just a little bit. But at any rate, this is my story and I can tell it as I see fit.

But seriously? Grand theft auto? Even Sora wouldn't have believed it for a second. Well, maybe for a second, at least until he saw Riku roll his eyes and tell me to stop being such a fucktard. Familial love is such a wondrous thing. It truly is.

Alright, I'm a little sorry for tricking you. After all, you are the one reading and judging my little narrative. I mean, this is a competition and all.

Okay, so before you kill me, I'll stop being a manipulative bastard and just get on with the story...

o.O.o

It was pretty easy sneaking out of my room after the nurse had given me my pain pill that was supposed to knock me right out for the night. I pretended to take it, secretly pocketing it once she left the room. I figured that it would be at least an hour until someone else came into my room for a quick peek, to make sure I was still breathing and all, so I knew I had to hurry.

I was determined, and I didn't really see how anything could deter me at this point, especially not when my mind was already made up and raring to go. My socked feet padded quietly down the hall until I came to the place I had been seeking – Roxas' room.

Glancing around, I slipped inside before anyone had the chance to notice that I wasn't where I was supposed to be. Before I had even turned to face the room's occupant, I heard a soft gasp, indicating that said occupant was remarkably surprised to discover me sneaking into his room. Well, at least this way I wouldn't have to wake him.

"Zexion," the blond said, "what are you doing in here?"

When I looked at him, the boy seemed so tiny lying in bed, his injured leg propped up and his face ashen. I had come to interrogate him, discover anything and everything he knew about my brother, but I felt my nerves dissipating, and swiftly at that. But he'd saved my life, I mulled, and I could at least give him credit.

"I need to talk to you," I said after an extensively long minute. His brow drew for just a moment in an unreadable emotion before gesturing for me to sit down in the chair next to his bed, which I did.

The heavy silence filling the room was deafening, drilling into my skull in a way that almost convinced me to take that little pain pill stuffed in my pocket pronto. We both seemed to be lost in our own thoughts before he finally spoke cautiously, asking, "How are you feeling, Zexion?"

I snorted slightly, a small grin on my face. "I've been better," I replied honestly.

Timidly, he returned my smile, having said the same exact words not all that long ago when Axel was still visiting him. "Ditto," he replied.

Another long pause ensued before he spoke again. "Zexion, I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but why are you here?"

I took a deep breath, locking my eyes with his. "You knew my brother. You knew Hayner," I said pointedly. No use beating around the bush, I figured.

Exhaling, he shook his head, saying, "You remember now? I was so shocked when you first came to Oblivion and didn't recognize me."

"I never really paid you any attention. I'm sorry. I was...preoccupied with other things."

"Demyx," Roxas said observably. I nodded. "Did you guys ever get together?"

"Yeah," I said, smiling slightly. "We did. He's the reason I'm here, trying to get better."

He nodded. "That's good, Zexion. I'm glad. You deserve whatever happiness you can get. God knows you deserve it."

"And you don't?" I countered abruptly.

He was mute for just a moment. "You've talked to Axel," he said perceptibly, avoiding the question.

"I have. He's my friend and I want him to be happy too. He likes you a lot." I scowled at the ground, stating almost inaudibly, "You lost him too, Roxas."

His hands flew to his face, covering his eyes. "Zexion, just be quiet okay? You don't know what you're talking about."

Irritation filled me, causing me to stand up and glare down at him. "You were his _friend_, weren't you? How can you tell me to just be quiet when you were his _friend_?"

"Please," he practically pleaded me. "Don't talk about things you know nothing of."

I snorted again, this time in frustration, throwing my hands up as I stood. "I didn't know everything about my brother. Maybe we weren't conjoined at the hip, but we were close, Roxas. He used to tell me fucking _everything._ And sure, maybe I didn't remember a lot of it until recently because I repressed it – it just hurt too fucking much – but I didn't forget.

"Do you want to know what I do know? I know that my brother lost his virginity when he was fifteen. To you probably, now that I think about it, though the two of you were probably just messing around. I know that he loved to play video games, and could kick even the most skilled gamers asses from here to Timbuktu. I know that he used to feed steak to our old dog because he hated the stuff. Never met a guy who hated streak, other than my little brother.

"I know that he once broke Mom's vase and buried it in the back yard. I know that he secretly loved history class – couldn't get enough of it. He had the fucking history book memorized in a way that I envied. He could tell you what happened on any damn date of the year!" I was becoming just the slightest bit hysterical.

By now, I was visibly shaking, my hands trembling as I hugged my good arm to myself. Roxas was again looking at me, having dropped his hands into his lap where they clenched his sheet. Taking a deep breath, I calmed myself. My voice barely above a whisper, I said, "And I know that he loved you."

Tears were streaming down Roxas' face as he trembled, staring up at me. "Please stop," he said hushed voice. "Just please, stop. I really can't take any more."

Nodding, I sat back down. It was taking everything I had to remain calm. The urge to throttle the boy in front of me practically consumed. My hands clutched at the fabric of my sweat pants – Axel had dropped them off earlier – sporadically grabbing and releasing the cloth. I really wished I had Demyx with me to keep me calm. Picturing him, I bit back every scathing remark that was currently burning my tongue. "Can you just tell me why you think I don't understand?" I asked quietly.

A few minutes passed before he was calm enough to answer. "It's because I should have died too," he said.

I frowned, confused. " 'You should have died too?' What is that supposed to mean, Roxas? Were you..."

And realization hit me with the same velocity of a speeding bullet, slamming me in the stomach. I doubled over, feeling as if I had to vomit. "You were there that night, weren't you?"

I didn't need to hear his squeak of a _"Yes!"_ The look on his face was more than enough of a confirmation. I nodded, not really knowing to what I was nodding. Still bent over, curled in nausea, I whispered. "Please tell me what happened that night."

"Alright," he replied, acquiescent.

o.O.o

_**A side note:**_

"_Seriously, Rox, I fucking passed with flying colors. Only lost points on parallel parking," the tall blond boy boasts. "I did better than even Zexion did." After a moment's pause, the boy says into the phone, "It's true! Zexion had to take his driver's test twice!"_

_He seems to simmer down a bit as the person on the other line tells him something. "Yeah," he replies. "But there's something I need to tell you. Yes, tonight. It's something I've been wanting to say for a while now. No, it can't wait until Monday! Come on, Rox, just let me pick you up and we'll go for a drive. I'm telling you, Zexion will let me have the car because Demyx is here. Okay, I'll be there to pick you up in, say, half an hour? Okay, bye."_

_The boy closes the cell phone, slipping it into his camouflage cargo pants before taking the stairs up three at a time. _

"_What is it, Hayner," the boy's brother snaps as Hayner walks into the room. The brother's friend looks up from the laptop resting on his legs and smiles at him. _

_"Zexion, do you think I could have the car keys so I can go over to my friend's house?" he asks, expecting an immediate 'no.' _

_Zexion contemplates this for a moment before replying, "I suppose so. Just don't wreck the car. If you get caught, I'm telling Mom and Dad that you took the car without my knowledge, got it?"_

_"Yep!" Hayner says happily, dashing out of the room. "You will in no way take the fall for whatever happens to the car. Thanks Zexion."_

_"Just leave," the slate-haired boys says, shaking his head. As an afterthought, he adds, " And be back by midnight."_

_Hayner runs back down the stairs, grabbing the car keys from the kitchen counter. He is in the garage in a split second, opening the garage door, starting the car up, and backing it out of the drive way. His friend, Roxas, lives on the opposite end of town, which is, even at the time of day, at least a twenty minute drive. He's there in only fifteen, bounding up the sidewalk to his friend's house to knock on the door._

_Roxas opens the door a moment later, smirking. "Jeez, Hayner, that was fast. Did you really miss me that much?"_

_Hayner's still for a moment, hopeful, before returning to his usual sarcastic, if somewhat oblivious nature. "Don't you wish, Roxas. Don't you wish."_

"_Well, come inside for a minute. I'm not quite ready yet." Hayner follows his friend into the house, plopping down on the coach and looking around. Roxas reappears a couple of minutes later, skateboard in hand. _

"_Man, don't you ever go anywhere without that thing?" Hayner asks, rolling his eyes. "Nope! Besides, look outside. It looks like it's going to friggin' rain. I can guarantee you won't be needing it."_

"_I don't care, this thing's like my baby. You wouldn't leave a real baby at home, so Pearl doesn't stay at home either."_

_Hayner raises an eyebrow. "Pearl?"_

_Punching him lightly in the arm, Roxas begins heading out the door. "Let's just go."_

"_So what did you want to tell me?" he asks about ten minutes later as they are cruising around town, looking for something to do._

_Staring straight ahead, Hayner felt his cheeks grow warm. "Well," he begins, refusing to meet his friend's eyes, "Um..."_

"_Come on, Hayner, you know you can tell me anything, right?"_

"_Yeah," he says quietly. "But it's just hard to put to words."_

"_Take your time. It's not like I'm aging as I sit here and wait for you to spill your guts or anything."_

_Taking a deep breath, the words spew from Hayner's mouth in a jumble. "RoxasIreallyreallyreallylikeyouandyousaidyouweregaywillyougooutwithme?"_

_Roxas raised a single eyebrow. "What. The. Fuck. Was. That? Was it even English?"_

_Blushing harder, Hayner apologized. "We've fooled around in the past, Roxas, and now...now I like you... and was wondering if you'd like to go out with me sometime. You know, like a date or something."_

"_Wow, Hayner, way to drop a bomb," Roxas replies, his eyes wide. He really didn't see this coming, not by a long shot. _

_Hayner looks over at his friend, hope filling his eyes. Roxas softens. "Hayner, I—WATCH OUT!"_

_But it's too late._

_It only takes only a second and it is over. Roxas feels himself slam forward, seatbelt choking into his neck as the air bag explodes into his chest. As it deflates, he looks around. Gasping, he sees that there a telephone pole where his friend should be. His eyes wide in horror, he screams and doesn't stop until he is lying on his bed, the covers pulled up over his eyes, trying to block the images of the blood and the gore from his mind._

o.O.o

"I fucking ran like a coward," Roxas said to me, his face again resting in his hands. "It should have been me that died, it really should have. A few days later, I even tried killing myself, but I couldn't even do _that_ right. And I ended up in Oblivion."

I was silent, still busy digesting his words. I now knew that he had been there that night, in that very car, but for some reason, I felt nothing. Nothing in my mind had changed except that I now knew why he'd wanted to get out of the house so badly that night. I sat up straighter in my chair, looking at the defeated boy in front of me and felt my heart clench painfully in my chest. My brother had loved this boy – had died confessing that love to him.

For some reason, that made me both a little happy and a little sad. I was happy because, even in the end, he had been brave, had been able to do something that I had been too cowardly to do for years. After all, it had taken me practically killing myself before Demyx and I finally got together.

But for the same reasons, I felt melancholy. He had never gotten his answer, never got to find out if his courage paid off.

Standing, I took the two or so steps forward and crawled into the small hospital bed next to the boy my brother had loved and wrapped my one useful arm around him. "Shh," I said as comfortingly as I could. "It isn't your fault, Roxas."

He looked up at me, surprised that I was consoling him. "Redemption's a funny thing," I began, staring off at nothing in particular. "For so long, I blamed myself for his death because I told him he could go out that night, even after my parents told me not to let him use the car. I had been in charge and wanted him out of the house just so I could spend some alone time with Demyx. I took me almost killing myself before I realized that I couldn't have known any more than anyone else about what was to happen.

"I never dreamed that there was somebody else out there being eaten alive by the same guilt I felt. But maybe that's why I'm here, to help you realize that it wasn't your fault either."

o.O.o

"I see that you're finally well enough to come back to school," Luxord said to me as I made my way up to the building. Sora and Riku had already gone off to their respective classes, leaving me by myself.

I gazed up at him, curious. In the two years since Luxord moved here from England and began attending our school, I don't think I ever remember him saying any more than three words to me at a time – and that was only if it was necessary. There were plenty of rumors about him floating around the school, he was an avid gambler, a heavy participant in high stakes poker games. For the most part, I tried to stay away from him.

"Yeah, I feel better today," I said, trying my best to appear calm and collected, knowing that I was failing miserably.

He walked along side me as I made my way to my locker, hands in his pockets as if he had not a care in the world. "I hear you didn't see who attacked you the other day."

"Nope, not a one of them. They hit me in the back of the head or something."

"A pity," he said, silent for a long time.

I located my locker, rapidly spinning the combination into it until it clicked open. I grabbed the needed books, stuffing them into my bag.

"Yeah, it's too bad I didn't see who did it. I'd sure like to see them punished for it." It was such an offhand comment, that I never would have dreamed of what happened next.

"They still might be," Luxord said, his eyes suddenly serious as they held mine.

"W-what do you mean?" I sputtered.

Leaning in to my ear, Luxord whispered, "I just so happened to see who beat you up. Though I'm guessing you did as well, Demyx."

I felt the color drain from my face.


	14. Chapter 13: Several Startling Surprises

o.O.o

**Razorblade Shine  
Chapter 13: Several Startling Surprises  
Revised on December 28, 2008**

o.O.o

_On the floor where daylight dances  
With the ones who missed their chances  
When they couldn't let it go  
Lies the land of sweet surrender  
Like a dream it could have ended there  
But we couldn't let it go.  
Now, forever, we shall live as one  
Floating in love's atmosphere.  
_--"Distant Camera" by Neil Young

o.O.o

Leaning in to Demyx's ear, Luxord whispered, "I just so happened to see who beat you up. Though I'm guessing you did as well, Demyx."

Demyx felt the color drain from his face, no doubt leaving him ashen.

Luxord pulled back to look at Demyx levelly, continuing on with his little oration. "Now Demyx, the question is _why_ would you lie. Why would you lie and let those conniving leeches get away with, to put it frankly, beating the shit out of you?"

Demyx's eyes darted down to the ancient gray linoleum floor, studying the cracks with a feigned mild interest. You probably don't need me to inform you that Demyx was immensely uncomfortable with the situation; that much is patent.

See, in Dem's mind, he figured that once Xaldin and Saix had their little bit of fun with him, once he got out of the hospital, it would all be over. For good. Forgettable with time. In his mind, I would remain safe, far away in the town of Oblivion just as long as he didn't tell anyone who it was that had hurt him.

Now, thanks to one blond-haired, blue-eye Brit, his plans came crashing down around him.

Luxord sighed deeply. "Well, I suppose I can take a guess," he began, following Demyx down the hall as he tried to scurry away. "They threatened you, insulted you some but not enough to make you want to fight back." A furrow grew between Luxord's two blond brows, his eyes drawn in concentration. "No," he refuted, stealing a glance at Demyx, "It wasn't _you_ they threatened at all. It _had_ to have been someone close to you because you seem to be one of those people without much of a sense of self-preservation. You put others before yourself, especially those you hold in high regard, am I right?

"Well, I seriously doubt that it was either of your parents they threatened to harm since they are adults. Thugs like them usually stay away from those who are older and stronger than they are, instead praying upon the smaller, the younger, the weaker."

Demyx's uninjured fist clenched in the beginnings of anger that he was trying him damnedest to control. "Zexion isn't weak," he hissed at the Brit, his cerulean eyes narrowed and fierce, I'm sure looking nothing short of a lion about to leap at the enemy to attack.

Luxord's laugh rang through the halls, loud and true. "Ha! I knew it," he alleged. "If it wasn't your younger brother, then it had to be our resident writer, Zexion Schemer."

There is probably something I should explain to you about Demyx that you might not have yet made the connection to. He's a pacifist to the worst degree. He hates fighting, he hates violence, and he hates war, anything that involves other's getting hurt. Sometimes it's so bad that he can't even watch certain movies that wouldn't even faze most of the population.

Yet despite his anti-aggressive nature, he can sometimes be comparable to a ticking time bomb. His anger builds up over time, growing and growing until he's liable to explode at any given moment, furious and irate and incensed. It takes a lot to calm him down when he's in one of these moods and, fortunately, I'd only ever had to witness this fewer times than I have fingers on my right hand. More fortunate still, I'd never been on the receiving end of Time Bomb Demyx.

Luxord found himself slammed against the nearest wall before he even had the time to blink. And Demyx, to give him his credit when it is due, held him there, immovable, with only his one good arm.

"Do. Not. Talk. About. Zexion," he said slowly, quietly, using what little control he had left to keep his voice even and calm.

Luxord, for his part, didn't even try to struggle, simply continued staring down at Demyx through platinum eyelashes. After remaining silent for a long moment, Luxord closed his eyes as if thinking pained him, uttering, "I'll tell Zexion if I have to. I'll tell him that you know perfectly well who it was that beat you up. And he'll believe me to because what I say will make a lot more sense to him than what you told him. Besides, you are a terribly transparent liar."

The hold Demyx had on Luxord slackened considerably until he let go altogether. "Why are you so eager for me to tell the truth? No one will get hurt this way, you know. What if the cops don't believe me and Xaldin and Saix find out? Then they'll go after Zexion for sure. What then?"

"The cops _will_ believe you, Demyx, because they shall have me as a witness also. And as to why I want you to tell the truth, I thought that my answer was rather transparent.

"I have an innate sense of justice, you could say. I hate it when I see the little guy getting pushed around; I hate it when people think they can do whatever they want because they have certain power over you. But most of all, I just plain _hate_ Xaldin and Saix and would truly like to see them get what they deserve.

Dem's cerulean eyes flashed in confusion. "Why?" he asked again.

Luxord gave an awkward chuckle, his hand scratching the back of his head. "That is where the transparency comes in, Demyx. I…Well, I'll put it this way: my feelings for you are comparable to your feelings for your friend Zexion. Why do you think he's always been so weary of me? He's known all along, everyone with eyes has I'm sure."

Demyx's dirty blond eyebrows rose high on his forehead in disbelief. "You're kidding, right?" he asked.

"I am not," Luxord contested. "But that doesn't matter right now. What does matter is that today, right after school, you and I are going to pay a little trip to the police station, or I'm calling Zexion. And I am positive that, once he knows the truth, he'll have some way or another of convincing you that you should go with me to the police station. Am I wrong?"

"No," Demyx admitted, knowing full well that he would cave just as soon as I said anything. What he probably didn't know, right then at least, was that if the roles had been reversed, that if _I_ was the one who had gotten beaten up, I would have caved for him just as quickly.

o.O.o

The very day that Luxord confronted Demyx, Roxas and I were scheduled to leave the hospital. We were a rather pathetic lot to see, I imagined, Roxas with his crutches so he could stay off his bad leg, me with my arm sling to keep it immobilized.

And, to confirm my suspicions, Leon told us so when he picked us up from the hospital.

My less than friendly feelings toward the man after our first meeting had dissipated considerably. I now realized, after having so many monotonous hours in the hospital to think, that he was only trying to do his job before, only trying to help make me better.

"Gee, thanks a ton, Leon," Roxas said sarcastically as the brunette man helped him climb into the back seat of the van next to me. I felt relieved that so much of the weight seemed to be lifted off both my and Roxas' shoulders. I felt that the two may now finally have the chance to move on with our lives.

"Anytime," Leon said with a smirk, opening the driver's side door and climbing in. After starting the car and pulling out the driveway, Leon glanced at the two of us in the rearview mirror. "I probably shouldn't tell you this," he began, "but I don't want either of you having a heart attack. It wouldn't look good on the Treatment Center if we were sending you back to the hospital already."

"What?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"Well, we're kind of, sort of having a surprise welcome home party for the two of you."

"Really?" Roxas asked, a small smile creeping upon his lips.

"Mm-hmm," Leon confirmed. "It was actually Axel's idea. He said the two of you would need a little fun after spending so much time in a, and I quote, 'yicky-disgusting hospital.'"

The blond's small smile grew into a larger one. I don't think he even noticed that he was smiling, but the sight made me smile too.

o.O.o

"Now," Leon instructed as Roxas and I followed him to the door, Roxas making astonishing time crutching around, "you guys have to at least act surprised. I told Cloud and Aerith that I'd be telling you guys before hand. Aerith thought it was a really good idea, but Yuffie and Xigbar don't know. I doubt Vexen will be there anyway, so I didn't bother telling him. Your peers put a lot of work into this party, so I'd like to be enjoyable for everyone. Okay?"

"Okay," Roxas agreed, no doubt thinking of Axel. I nodded.

A smile appeared on Leon's face. "Alright, here goes." He pushed the door open and we followed him to the cafeteria.

If Leon hadn't warned us beforehand, it still would have been blatantly obvious what was going on. As we approached the door, I heard several _shh, here they come! _and _everyone in position_'s.

When we stepped into the cafeteria, the lights snapped on, a deafening _Surprise!_ echoing off the walls. Faces popped our from behind chairs and tables and Xigbar even popped out from behind one of the support poles, a toothy, if not endearing, grin upon his grizzled face.

"Welcome back!" Rikku exclaimed, bouncing towards the door and carefully hugging each of us. "We missed you guys so much!"

"Good to see you, Rikku," Roxas said quietly. She smiled happily, stepping aside for others to make their greetings.

Namine was next, hugging each of us and planting chaste kisses upon our cheeks. "I'm glad you guys are back," she murmured, smiling softly. "It just hasn't been the same."

As way of greeting, Marluxia said a simple, "I'm just glad the two of you got Larxene tossed out. She was really getting on my nerves." It's not like I was expecting a heartfelt salutation from Marluxia or anything, but it was good to know that he was glad Roxas and I got injured if it meant getting Larxene kicked out. Just peachy.

I glanced around at everyone else in the room, many of whom I didn't know. Cloud remained steadfast by the back wall, watching was his boyfriend walked toward him to join him away from the crowd. Sephiroth was sitting moodily in a chair, watching Leon walk to his beloved with distaste. Xigbar disappeared back into the kitchen, no doubt to work on getting us a meal around. Yuffie was just plain bouncing all over the place, Aerith asking her to calm down over and over without success.

It was obvious that they had all gone to a lot of work on the decorum. A huge welcome banner hung ten feet in the air, streamers and balloons dangling off the ends. Some of Namine's artwork festooned the walls; portraits of everyone, sketches of animals and landscapes. Someone had gone overboard on the confetti that littered on the floor, my guess being someone made the mistake of handing the package to Rikku. I worried that one of Roxas' crutches would slip on the confetti.

Axel, however, was way ahead of me. He came forward, unabashedly meeting Roxas' eyes, broom in hand. Roxas' body tensed up at the close contact, but it was obvious that he delighted in the fact that Axel had been thinking of him. Axel quickly swept a path to the nearest chair before fading once again into the crowd. You didn't need to be a mind reader to know that Roxas was confused by it all.

The party lasted a few more hours, followed by a surprisingly excellent dinner provided by Xigbar consisting of fried potatoes, fried chicken, and green beans, which were also fried of course. The crowd dwindled until Axel, Roxas, Namine, and I were the only left remaining in the cafeteria besides Leon and Cloud (and, of course, Sephiroth, who was busy scowling at them). Roxas had hardly said a word all evening, which seemed weird to me, though it probably shouldn't have. He was silent when I met him. It was just strange to see his jaw so clamped shut after all the talking the two of us did in the hospital.

Of course, it was blatantly obvious to me _why _he was so silent; he had been staring at Axel all night. For his credit, Axel had refrained from making any crude or vulgar comments, which, after rooming with him, I knew was a near impossibility. The only time he actually looked a Roxas was when he said the very few words he had that night. Personally, I called this his playing hard-to-get strategy which, in my opinion, did nothing more than confuse the hell out of the blond, especially when Axel had gone from lavishing affection upon him to fragrantly ignoring him.

Later than night after the party had ended, I sat Axel down when we got back to our room and patently told him that his plan sucked hairy monkey balls, though I like to think I was a bit more eloquent about it when I'd actually told him.

"What do you mean my plan sucks hairy monkey balls?" he asked indignantly. Okay, so maybe I wasn't.

Sighing deeply, knowing without a doubt that I myself was in no position to be giving anyone love advice, knowing that I probably shouldn't butt-in, I explained. "Axel, Roxas was staring at you all night."

A grin broke across his face. "Then I fail to see how my plan is so bad," he said somewhat triumphantly.

I shook my head, willing myself to stay out of their business, but the distinct feeling that it would take them eons to get together on their own weighed on my mind, eventually overpowering the former notion. "Axel," I began again, "the fact that he was staring at you all night is _not_ a good thing. You confused him! And if you continue to confuse him like that, then it will take threefold the time to work his feelings out for you, especially if he thinks you don't care for him anymore after he rejected you. And after you promised you'd wait for him."

"He didn't reject me, not really," Axel muttered resentfully, "he said that he liked me but wouldn't date me until…he got your forgiveness."

I really couldn't help it, I laughed. Even though it was a stupid time to laugh, the puzzled look on Axel's face was wholly worth it. "He already has my forgiveness," I said, controlling my sudden outburst. "But he didn't need it in the first place."

"Then why-"

"Why do you think he was so confused? He wouldn't date you without me forgiving him, and I gave him that. When he was finally ready, you acted completely indifferent toward him. Try again, tell him how you feel again."

"Okay," Axel said, nodding once determinedly. "I will."

o.O.o

This next scene was relayed to me by word of mouth from the two participants. Of course I wasn't right there to see everything, busily chomping down on my food, I felt the need to add this scene because it involves two of my best friends.

The very next morning, Axel asked Roxas if he would have lunch with him. Surprised, but pleased nonetheless, Roxas agreed. Dutifully, Axel carried Roxas' tray and his own to a semi-secluded table in the back of the cafeteria. From across the room, I nodded at Axel before turning back to listen to Rikku's long-winded, one-sided tête-à-tête about the strange dream she had the night before involving Oompa Loopmas enlisting her help in the escape from Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Apparently, the Oompa Loompas couldn't agree upon the best plan of escape and had a full-frontal Battle Royale on their hands, leaving Rikku that last man standing.

But I digress…

Axel and Roxas sat in silence for a long time, both concentrating on their food and what exactly they should say to the other. It was strange hearing that Axel had been nervous because I'd never seen him as anything other than his usual brass, if somewhat crude, self. Finally, he reached inside his jacket and pulled out a book, tossing it onto Roxas' tray, the battered copy of The Count of Monte Cristo staring brazenly up at him.

Roxas looked up quickly, blue eyes startled. The redhead shrugged, stating, "I thought you might like that back. I really liked it, by the way, it was a good book."

"Oh," Roxas said, still surprised, "I'd forgotten about it."

Axel grinned wryly. "No you didn't. I saw you staring at me sometimes while I was reading it." A faint blush rose upon Roxas cheeks. He remained silent. "Listen," Axel began again, "there's something I'd like to ask you since I know Zexion has forgiven you by now: Will you go out with me?"

"H-how do you know Zexion forgave me?" Roxas stuttered.

"He told me," Axel said simply.

"So then you know," Roxas said with finality, looking down at his food. "You know."

"Actually, I don't know anything," Axel admitted. "The only thing he told me was that, apparently, my plan sucked hairy monkey balls and that I should try for you again.

"Oh." Roxas sighed, continuing on, "You're his roommate and friend, I was sure he would have told you everything."

Axel shook his head. "Zexion never told me anything that wasn't his to tell."

"I guess I should have known that. He's a good guy."

"He is," Axel said, sitting back in his chair before leaning forward again suddenly, elbow dangerously close to Roxas'. "Look, can I tell you something?"

Roxas nodded.

"I had a pretty fucked up childhood. My dad was a drunk, and eventually my mom left because of it. I never really wanted anything but to have a normal childhood. It didn't take long before I took up smoking. I'm kinda obsessed with fire you know. Well, I started burning myself with the cigarettes to help me forget all the shit at home, if just for a little while.

"It was my gym teacher that found me out, one day while I was changing for class. I wasn't as careful as I usually was. Anyway, he reported the burns and the counselor came and took my down to her office. She thought it was my dad doing the burning. I told her the truth, fucking broke down crying in her little office with all the stupid motivational posters on the walls. And they sent me here. About a week after I showed up here, my dad was arrested for assault. Some guy at the bar grabbed Dad's beer and Dad showed him what he did when people messed with his alcohol.

"But what I'm trying to say is that I always wanted something growing up that would make me feel normal, and when I'm around you, I do, Roxas. You make me feel whole."

By then, Roxas had tears welling up in his baby blues. Without a word, in front of the entire cafeteria, he cupped Axel's face in his hands, pulling the redhead to him, and laid one on him.

o.O.o

And speaking of laying one on someone, I'll rewind my little tale to the previous day, right after school at Twilight Town High. Demyx had already made excuses with Sora, telling him that he had a project to work on with Luxord and would be home later.

Wordlessly, Dem followed Luxord to his car. They weren't at the police station all that long, perhaps an hour and half, delivering their statements. And the police thanked them, glad that they finally had some concrete evidence against two of the local hooligans.

As Luxord and Demyx were walking back out to the car, Luxord looked at my boyfriend with determination, grabbing him by the shoulders and kissing him on the mouth. Demyx was too startled to do anything, at first anyway. He stood there while Luxord tried to eagerly pry his lips apart before regaining his sense. Almost viciously, he pushed Luxord away from him.

"What the hell was that!?" he screamed at the Brit, fiercely wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Just what the _fuck_ do you think you're doing?"

Luxord chuckled. "I thought that part was fairly obvious," he alleged.

Demyx just continued to glare at him with newfound disgust. "I'm with _Zexion_," he said firmly, "I _love_ him."

"Yes, I know that," Luxord said, now irate. "No need to remind me of that, it's written all over your face. But Zexion isn't here, and I am. Zexion left you to go have his head examined. He _left_ you Demyx."

I can only imagine the sneer Demyx's beautiful, smiling face twisted into. "Fuck _you!"_ he said, turning his back on Luxord and striding to the sidewalk, backpack in hand.

"Where are you going?" Luxord called. "You're house is miles away!"

"I'll walk," Demyx said vehemently.

"Come on, just let me give you a ride. I swear I won't try anything," Luxord said desperately.

"_No!"_ Demyx yelled as he jogged across the street. It wasn't until he saw Luxord drive by, Dem flipping him the bird, that he pulled his cell phone out and quickly dialed a number he had already memorized.

"Hello! Oblivion Treatment Center, this is Yuffie speaking," the wanna-be ninja said enthusiastically.

"Hi, may I please speak to Zexion Schemer?"

"Ooh, are you the boyfriend?" Yuffie asked eagerly.

"Yes," Demyx said, puzzled and slightly worried.

"Yes!" she exclaimed after pulling the phone away from her ear. "Okay, I'll go get him."

A few minutes later, I picked up the phone. "Hello?" I asked. Yuffie hadn't bothered telling me who it was.

"Zexion? Hey, it's me."

"Demyx," I remember saying. I also remember the way my heart began pacing at the sound of his voice, my pulse racing.

"There's something I need to tell you," he said uncertainly, "on Saturday when I come to visit. Don't let me forget to tell you, though it isn't anything I'm likely to forget. Or let me weasel out of telling you."

"Okay," I replied to him quietly, hesitantly. "I won't."

"Good," he said. "I miss you, Zexion."

I smiled. "I miss you, too, Demyx."

o.O.o


	15. Chapter 14: Caught in the Act

o.O.o

**Razorblade Shine  
Chapter 14: Caught in the Act  
Completed August 11, 2008**

o.O.o

_Lately things just don't seem the same  
Actin' funny, but I don't know why  
'Scuse me while I kiss the sky  
_-"Purple Haze" by Jimi Hendrix

o.O.o

Over the next few days while I waited for Demyx's visit on Saturday, I noticed that life seemed to have returned to some semblance of normal at Oblivion Treatment Center, albeit with a few perceptible differences.

First and foremost, Larxene was long gone much to everyone's satisfaction. According to Marluxia, who had overheard Yuffie saying to Aerith, Larxene had been sent as far as Radiant Gardens, to the big, bad Mental Institution that sat overlooked on the outskirts of town, complete with the weary stigma mental institutions had carried since their foundation many, many years ago. I couldn't help but sigh with extreme relief (and maybe smile with more than just a little bit of glee) that she was long gone from here, never to be seen nor heard from again.

Yes, she would be locked up for a very long time as it's hard to prove that you are perfectly sane after having stabbed two different people simply for 1-uping you in wit and popularity.

I didn't feel guilty in the least of my treatment of Larxene, I had no reason to. I don't think I ever even raised my voice against her in the slightest, merely telling her the way things were. She lost it all on her own, went coocoo for Cocoa Puffs and all that jazz. In my completely unprofessional opinion, the girl was a ticking time bomb, waiting to go off at the precise moment when she could execute the most damage in the shortest span of time. Which, unfortunately, just so happened to be when I was on the phone with my boyfriend.

She probably should never have even been sent to Oblivion Treatment Center in the first place given how unstable she was and probably had been for quite some time.

Despite the fact that Marluxia was glad to be rid of his blond antennae-haired nuisance, it was more than a little obvious that he was completely bored with himself, so much so that he had taken to giving Rikku lessons in what he deemed proper human interaction. It was blatantly obvious that she thrived in the attention he was paying her and I'd even be willing to wager that he did as well. Not that he'd ever admit it out loud.

Though I didn't say anything at the time, I didn't think that he was quite the person to be giving her lessons on proper human interaction because Marluxia had joined us in the nut house because he talked to flowers. And they talked back. Before now, I'd never really given much thought to the fact that there was the slim possibility that he wasn't viably crazy, but gifted in a way that Namine also was. I wouldn't have believed her for a second without having witnessed her in action as I had. After all, I am a respectable man of science and what scientist _would _ believer her claims without proof?

Later on, a while after I was released from Oblivion, another thought occurred to me regarding Marluxia. He may not have been gifted, he many not have been crazy, he just simply didn't want to live out in the normal world where it was harsh and cruel and cold. Staying in Oblivion is so much easier, where everything is taken care of for you, where you are bound to have a constant supply of friends because there will always be people out there that have their problems.

I had even dug out that magazine Leon had gave me while I was still in the hospital, jotting down some ideas until I drew a blank. Over the next several days, after really looking around myself, I decided to document my life from the time I showed up at this place to after I got home. I just didn't know whether I should enter it in the nonfiction category or not; who would really believe me? If I was some other person reading this entry, I probably would fancy this a fanatical bit of fiction, nothing more than to entertain. But that is my goal of writing this, the entertainment value it holds despite the fact that every word of it is true.

Another change worthy of note was the fact that Namine now _talked,_ and not just to me or Roxas either. She talked to everyone at lunch, commenting on her recent art projects and asking questions of genuine interest in the other's lives. She talked in group, talking about her past and family life. She told the others how her dad had left them when she was young and her mom had basically given up, putting into treatment centers so she wouldn't really have to take care of Namine.

It was true that Namine was still shy, which is not something you can get over in such a short span of time, but she was really trying. Going out of her way to be social. And the most amazing part was that I could see her blossoming into an interesting young woman right before my very eyes. She was quickly becoming one of my best friends in this lonely place, especially with Roxas and Axel's time so divided lately, attention preoccupied most of the time.

Sephiroth also did a complete 180 as far as personality goes. Before he had been merely uninterested, blasé and aloof. He couldn't have cared less about anyone else. It was true that he was still like that, but now, now he was sullen all of the time, sullen and morose and dour and surly instead of tolerable, he had graduated to someone that I went out of my way to avoid if at all possible. Sephiroth became resentful of even the slightest little things that most people would brush off their shoulders and move on. He held grudges, and didn't forget that he needed to pay you back for whatever sort of mistreatment he thought he suffered by your hands.

A week or so ago, Rikku had accidently spilled her glass of milk on the novel he had been working his way through. Yesterday he pretended to trip, spilling our table's entire tray of milk glasses on her, showering her with the cold white substance. If I recall the image in my mind, I can still see the way her lips trembled, the way her eyes went wide and filled with tears before she burst into sobs and fled the cafeteria.

He had also taken to sitting at another table, one all by himself, leaving another empty seat at our table. Not that any of us minded, especially after the second milk-incident. Even Marluxia had offered a palpable remark of relief that Sephiroth no longer joined us at mealtimes.

We were all more than a little relieved that he had taken his churlish show on the road.

I just felt bad for Doctors Strife and Leonhart, who Sephiroth had taken to sitting by. Cloud always looked visibly uncomfortable at all the obvious attention he was receiving from his patient and Leon was receiving a constant stream of evil glares for getting to be the Cloud was with.

But I'll go into Sephiroth in greater detail later on…

Probably the biggest and best change was Axel and Roxas' new rapport. They were quiet about it at first, but subtle clues were there if you bothered to look for them, becoming ever-more apparent over time (not to mention the fact that Roxas had kissed him their first time right in the middle of dinner in front of a full cafeteria). Hell, even Rikku had picked up on it by dinner time Friday, exclaiming happily that they were making goo-goo eyes at each other. I wasn't sure about the goo-goo eyes part, but you could definitely tell they were happy with each other and also with the sudden turn for the better their lives had taken.

For as happy for them as I was, it only made me miss Demyx all the more, realizing that we were together, but we'd never gone on a date, never spent any time together whatsoever that wasn't in a hospital. It only fueled me all the more to concentrate my efforts on getting myself better as quickly as I possibly could.

o.O.o

Finally, after an excruciatingly long couple of days, after constant apprehensive head and stomach aches, it was Saturday.

Demyx had told me that he would be arriving at Oblivion as close to ten o'clock on the dot as he possibly could. Sora and Riku would be accompanying him with Riku driving of course. I believe I explained how Demyx it to never drive while under stress earlier in my narrative. It does bad things to his mind. And scared everyone else in the car in the process.

That morning, I was awake before dawn, unable to sleep, too preoccupied with my anxiety to drift off to dreamland like I had wanted and hoped I would. It was just what I needed; finally getting to see Demyx with huge, purple bruise-like bags under each of my eyes. I didn't think I was particularly good looking to begin with and didn't think the lack of sleep would help my cause any.

The strange part was that I had never once cared about my looks. Growing up, I could have cared less what I looked like, but since being with Demyx, knowing how truly beautiful he was inside and out, I began to feel like I paled in comparison. I didn't want that, I wanted him to love me as much as I did him, and for some stupid and self-conscious reason, thought that he would only ever want me around if I was nice looking too. In itself, my notions were incredibly stupid; he had already seen me at my worst, looking like death while I was still in the hospital.

I showered early, spending extra time on my look that morning than I probably ever had in my life. Upon the realization that I had absolutely nothing nice to wear, that I hadn't brought with me anything remotely suitable, I was ready to throw a fit. Almost all I had with me was plain white tee shirts and hoodies. Axel, however, saved me from my stupid breakdown, offering me a very nice long-sleeved plaid button down shirt that, thankfully, fit perfectly. I was elated in that moment that Axel was so damned skinny. Paired with jeans, I didn't look half bad, carefully combing my hair and applying my cologne.

I went down into the lobby to wait for them at nine thirty on the dot. Axel had cursed me for waking him (though he still took pity on me enough to offer me his shirt), albeit accidently, so early on a _friggin' Saturday!_

I apologized without really knowing what I said to him, so distracted by the pending visitation, with the fact that there was something Demyx had to tell me. My wild imagination thought of a thousand things it could possibly be, each one more unlikely than the next. I dismissed every thought, every notion that sprang to mind, but it did nothing to _stop_ the flow of brain waves.

After twenty minutes of stewing in the lobby, Axel joined me, now wide awake. I was too stressed to even feel the least bit sorry I'm sad to admit.

"You must be excited," Axel said conversationally, tapping long fingers on the wall that he leaned upon. I nodded, continuing my pacing of the room, glancing at my watch every twenty seconds or so.

Ten o'clock came and passed, the frown on my face growing. "Chill," Axel said when he glanced over and saw the my grimace. "Just chill, you know Demyx will be here." I was just glad that he didn't chide me for being upset that it was 10:01 and twenty-three seconds and they weren't yet there.

It was exactly 10:05 when they pulled into the parking lot, Riku selecting a spot and putting the car in neutral. Demyx was out the car door, pulling the glass front door to Oblivion Treatment Center open before the key was even out of the ignition.

I sprang forth the second he appeared at the door, ready to meet him halfway. In an instant, we were in each other's arms, Demyx planting a kiss atop my forehead. From the back of the room, I vaguely heard Axel catcall.

Truth be told, I wasn't very much aware of my surroundings at the moment, not when Demyx was with me once again. I failed to notice several new presences in the room; Sora and Riku following Demyx inside, Yuffie coming back to her desk, a steaming cup of coffee in hand, Roxas limply joining Axel in the back of the lobby.

I believe I mentioned in the previous chapter how odd Roxas and I looked due to our injuries. I can only imagine that, as a couple, Demyx and I looked far stranger. Like soldiers just come back from a bout of heavy combat. His left arm was in a cast, fading scraps and bruises covered his flushed face. I felt bandages wrapped around his chest where there were healing ribs. Healing scabs covered his arms and hands, some still covered in bandages.

And in that moment, everything felt absolutely right, just as it always did whenever Demyx was with me. I stood up as tall as I could, seeking his lips, not caring who saw me. For all I knew, the Pope himself could have been standing there, shaking his head in abhorrence, and I would have been none the wiser.

"Jeez," a voice said from behind Demyx, a voice that I recognized to be Riku, "get a room, will you?"

_Yeah, _I though, _like you wouldn't rather be doing the same thing to Sora if you had the chance and didn't think PDA to be some kind of disease._

"That's not such a bad idea," I whispered into Demyx's ear as I pulled away.

"Zexion!" he hissed, embarrassed. I thrilled in the way his cheeks flushed a very delectable shade of pink.

I knew that he grew self-conscious then after noticing all the people in the room. His cheeks burned an even darker red. "Come on," I said, taking him by the hand and leading him through the door to the rest of the building, nodding at Axel and Roxas as we walked by them. Axel was grinning at us wryly, mouthing a very visible _Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Not that there's much I wouldn't do._ Roxas just smiled.

From behind us, I heard Sora spring forward. "Axel!" he said cheerily, "is this the boy you were telling me about?"

But I ignored this as I led Demyx down the hall and to the stairs. Once on the second floor, I dragged him to my and Axel's room, closing the door softly behind us.

"The room looks different," he said conversationally, standing uncomfortably near the door. I merely smile playfully at him, taking a seat on my bed.

"Come on, Demyx, sit down," I said. Gingerly, he crossed the room and sat down, staring diffidently at Axel's side of the room. Leaning forward, I grasped his casted hand, gently stroking his fingers.

"You had something to tell me…?" I prompted gently. Demyx just groaned, burying his face in his free hand. "You told me not to let you weasel out of telling me."

"Yeah, I know," he said quietly, "it's just hard to say."

My brow furrowing, I grew worried, not able to keep this emotion from my voice. "Demyx, what _is_ it?" I asked, leaning in closer to him.

"Can you promise me something?" he asked, abruptly looking at me. His beautiful blue eyes were pleading.

"Of course," I said, nodding. "Anything, Demyx, you know that."

"Okay," he said, breathing deeply, "promise that you won't interrupt me until I'm done talking. If you do, I don't know if I'll able to start again so it's probably best if I just get everything out at once. Promise?" he asked.

"I promise," I said solemnly, nodding again. "I won't interrupt you."

"Alright," taking another deep breath, he began. "I lied to you before, Zexion. Again, actually. But it wasn't only you I lied to, it was everyone. My parents, Sora, Riku, the police, just…everyone. I know who beat me up, but I told everyone that I didn't. I--"

"You _know?" _I asked quickly.

Demyx stopped abruptly. "You promised," he said weakly.

"I did promise," I said repentantly, "I apologize." But a thousand questions were burning the tip of my tongue, trying to burst forth. It took all my patience to keep them under wraps.

Demyx nodded slowly, looking over at Axel's side of the room again. "But there was a reason that I lied. The people who beat me up, they made swear that I would never tell on then. They made me swear or they promised that they were going to do something bad. I could care less about myself, but they said they were going to hurt you, Zexion!" he said fervently, tears beginning to fall down his face.

"They said that if I told, they were going to come up here and do worse to you. They said they were going to beat you up and then…t-then they were going to rape you!"

I felt my stomach churn then, felt like I was going to vomit on the spot. Instead, I gripped his hand tighter in mine.

"So I swore that I wasn't going to tell. And I didn't, not until Luxord confronted me a few days ago, saying that he knew I saw who did this to me because he saw them too. He said that if I didn't go to the cops, they he was going call you and have you convince me to go." In my mind, I agreed with Luxord.

"So that day after school, I did go with him and I changed my statement. The cops didn't even seem to care that I lied before, they were just glad that I had told the truth, brought in another witness, so they could arrest them. And they did, yesterday. In was in today's newspaper.

"But that's not all," Demyx said, his voice cracking. "As Luxord and I were leaving the police station, h-he kissed me. He said that it was okay because you weren't here. And I said no, that it wasn't okay. He said he loved me and he said that you knew that he did."

I nodded. "Yes, I knew," I said evenly, feeling rage begin to fill me at the mere thought of someone touching something that was mine, especially my most important person. My Demyx.

"And that's when I left. After he drove off, I called you."

Demyx took one glance at my pensive face, his own face visibly ashamed at whatever atrocity he thought he committed. I wasn't angry at him, not at all, not even for lying to me.

I should have been angry at him, pissed even. But for some reason, I wasn't. In some weird way, it felt good knowing that he loved me that much, loved me enough that he felt that it was his job to protect me. I'm guess I'm what you consider a twisted sort of person.

After a long moment, I asked, "So they were arrested?"

Demyx nodded.

"Good. But don't tell me who they are. I'm likely to do something stupid if I know who they are."

His eye grew wide and he nodded insistently. "Okay, I won't tell you."

Together, the two of us sat in silence for a long time before he timidly looked up at me again. "Zexion?" he asked quietly. "Zexion, are you--"

"No Demyx," I said forcing a smile upon my lips. "I'm not angry with you, not at all. You did what you thought was best. It would be lying if I said that I wouldn't have done differently. I'm glad that you told me the truth. But I'll probably have to punch Luxord in the nose the very next time I see him."

"If you can reach it," he said. And Demyx laughed then, his anxiety melting away from his face like butter, transforming into a beautiful smile, addictive smile. I couldn't help but smile back, slipping my good hand from his to cup his face. His smile widened, his eyes bright with something. Tentatively, I leaned forward, bringing his lips to mine.

He didn't hold back this time either, not like he had earlier. But earlier, he had an audience, five other people milling about with nothing better to do than watch us kiss. Now, we were all alone, no one around for miles as far as either of us were concerned.

I wanted to make him forget, forget all his anxieties, all his fears, and just relish this moment that he had together because we probably wouldn't be getting another for quite some time.

Demyx shifted backward until his back was flush with the wall, drawing me with him. His hands went up under my arms, carefully placing me on his lap, straddling him. His hand found my again, bringing our lips together for another kiss, this one deeper, fiercer. This cast was rough on my face but I hardly noticed it, too intent on Demyx, already getting lost in the moment.

My good hand wrapped around the back of his neck, entwining with his dark blond hair, tracing small circular patterns into his scalp. I savored the way he mewled softly at the contact, smiling devilishly to myself.

"What?" he asked blearily, pulling away for just a moment.

Smiling at him widely, I murmured, "It's nothing, Demyx."

He frowned then, and it was almost like a slap in the face. My impaired mind was trying it's hardest to figure out how on earth Demyx could be frowning at a time like this. Stammering, he asked, "I'm not doing anything you don't like, am I Zexion?"

And his naïveté almost made me burst into laughter. I was giddy with it, a rumble bursting up from my chest, until I was giggling.

"Who do you think instigated this, Demyx?" I asked, feeling roguish. "Besides, how could you ask such a question? What guy doesn't enjoy a bit of making out?"

His eyes skittered away guiltily. "I always figured you were asexual or something. You hardly ever even mention or hinted at sex."

I laughed again, my euphoria still riding high. "Demyx, I was always too embarrassed to mention it in front of _you. _Because I liked you and I knew that it would make me blush."

"Oh," he said simply, "in retrospect, that makes a lot of sense."

Staring at him impishly, I mustered up my most serious voice and asked, "You seriously thought that I was asexual?"

He nodded, his cheeks flushed in embarrassment. Leaning down to his ear, I whispered, "You think you're blushing now? It would really make you blush if you knew how many times I thought about making love to you. A day."

I leaned back to watch his face flush from a pleasant and adorable pink to a stain of crimson. After a moment, his eyes narrowed in determination. "Show me," he said, his voice husky. And I felt myself tighten even more in the pants.

"W-what?" I asked, _my _face reddening at his patent suggestion.

And it was _his _turn to laugh. "You make all these wonderful _suggestions _to me with a straight face, yet you blush when I ask you to make good on your word."

"Basically," I admitted, breathing deeply. I stared into his cerulean eyes for a moment, testing him. "Do you mean that, Demyx? _Here?"_

"Why not here?" he asked mischievously. "It's as good a place as any. And yes, I do mean it. Like you, it's something I've thought about an awful lot. And what I've discovered is that it would probably make _you_ blush how often I've thought about it too."

My lips crushed his, more fervent and ardent than before. It was like I was out of my mind; I couldn't think, I couldn't reason, not that either of us seemed to mind in the slightest. I felt my fingers grabbing the hem of his shirt, lifting it out of his arms and off his head before I even realized what I was doing. The garment was tossed carelessly to the floor, I didn't know where. Didn't care either. The fingers of my good arm were skimming the flat planes of his chest, moving downward until I found the fly of his jeans. I unbuttoned them, but found myself in the way. Moving on, leaned into his body, kissing him deeper, harder, grinding my hips down into his.

I almost cried I was so glad to hear Demyx moan softly, as if he was trying to restrain myself. Thinking back, I realized that was probably a good idea now, since we _were_ in a place where they probably didn't promote that sort of thing, hanky-panky in the bedrooms and all that jazz.

I felt Demyx's fingers find the front of the shirt I borrowed from Axel, hastily unbuttoning the shirt, perhaps popping a button or two. I figured I'd probably have to buy Axel a new shirt sometime in the future.

He moved to pull the shirt carefully down my arm when I jerked away, almost yelling the word, "No!"

"W-what?" Demyx asked, his face stricken. Instantly, I felt guilty. "What did I do? I'm not pushing you, am I?"

"No, it's not that," I said, breathing deeply. I rested my head on his shoulder for a moment, trying to catch my breath. "No, it's just me. I-I don't really want you to see my scars," I admitted quietly, leaning back up to look at him. "They're ugly and I don't want you to see them. You'll be horrified."

"Oh, Zexion," he breath softly, "I don't think that they're ugly. They're a part of you and I think that you're beautiful no matter what. Besides, I've seen them before so I won't be horrified."

"You weren't supposed to see them back then, though," I said sullenly. I wasn't sure why I was having so much trouble showing Demyx my scars when I had shown them to Axel without a second thought.

"I know, but I wasn't horrified by them. They're a part of you and I love you just the way you are," he said. And his eyes were so sincere that I knew he meant every word he said.

"Okay," I said, making up my mind, "but please, don't stare at them. Or even look at them if you can help it."

"Okay," he agreed, smiling at slightly. Yet again his contagious smile made me return the sentiment.

Slowly, he pulled my shirt off, careful to avoid my injury that was quickly healing. That morning I had even forgone the sling, simply relying on the bandages. He glanced down at the scars quickly before placing his hand on my arm, covering the white and purples scars that littered my arms. The sensation was strange, his fingertips brushing the numb skin where I had damaged dozens of nerves, but I quickly ignored it, again focusing on Demyx. On only Demyx.

But things didn't quite go according to our plans, not by a long shot.

At that moment, Axel flung the door open (talk about total buzz kill), the door slamming against the wall and bouncing off a few times. "Ah ha!" he said, pointing an accusing finger at the two of us. He should have just been glad that we weren't on his bed. "Just as I suspected!"

Groaning mournfully, my head again came to rest on Demyx's shoulder, my frustration evident. I could feel Demyx's skin flame in mortification. Sliding off of him, I sat down next to Demyx, putting my borrowed shirt back on. Riku and Sora trailed in next, Sora standing uncomfortably by the door, Riku smirking at me.

Roxas followed Axel into the room, shutting the door behind himself quickly. "Axel," he said scoldingly, eyeing the redhead as he still stood there, arm extended and finger out. "I'm really sorry to interrupt you guys, but someone, probably Sephiroth, tipped Yuffie that the two of you are alone in here. I didn't think it would be a very good idea for her to find you…um, the way you are."

Riku knelt down, picking up Demyx's tee shirt, and tossed it to him. Demyx quickly put it on, staring at the newcomers in a rather dazed expression that I figured was similar to my own. "Good to see you again Roxas, Axel," he said somewhat normally. Axel just sniggered.

"Uh, Demyx?" Sora squeaked from the doorway. "Um, your, uh, fly is undone. You might want to take care of it." If possibly, Demyx's face grew redder, taking on the shade of a strawberry. Dem's eyes widened as he looked down, noticing that his pants had, in fact, been unzipped by yours truly at one point or another. He quickly took care of it, ignoring the tent that was pitched there.

The six of us stood (or sat, as in Demyx's and my case) in a discomfited silence, almost deafening in our ears. "Well, this is sufficiently awkward," Riku said, crossing his arms over his chest as he breathed out.

"Sure is," Axel agreed, no doubt enjoying my discomfort. That was just his way. Glancing at his watch, Axel said, "Well, would you look at that! It's time for lunch. Maybe we should go now."

"That…sounds like a good idea," Demyx prompted, standing up and practically running out the door. Running my fingers through my hair, I followed him.

"We'll be right down," I said, catching up to Demyx, taking his hand and leading him to the bathroom.

Once there, I turned to look at him. "Ugh," he said, his cheeks still a very endearing shade of crimson, "I don't think I've been that embarrassed since kindergarten when I couldn't hold it and went in my pants right out on the playground."

"Hmm, I remember that," I said, stepping up to him to hug him to me. "You were definitely more embarrassed back in kindergarten. You had to sit in urine soaked clothes for two hours until your mom could come bring you a new outfit."

He smiled. "Yeah, it was Sora's fault. He'd had a doctor's appointment that day and Mom didn't get the message until about an hour and a half later. By then, my clothes were already starting to dry. And you were the only one who would come near me. Even the teacher stayed away."

I chuckled. "That's because I was in love with you, Demyx. I didn't want you to feel sad or lonely."

"Even back then?" he asked, his voice sincere.

"Yes, even back then. I've loved you forever."

"Me too. You have no idea how happy I was that you never made fun of me for it, that you still wanted to be my friend. I loved back then too."

Looking up at him, I grinned sheepishly before growing serious once again. "Enough talking. We have a few problems to take care of right about now."

His eyes darkened and his voice grew husky. "Yeah, Zexion, I do believe we do."

o.O.o 

"Took you long enough," Axel said with a mouth full of mac 'n' cheese. Neither of us dignified him with a response.

Smiling happily, Demyx asked, "So how's the food around here?"

"It's very, very good!" Rikku said from my left, handing me a plate of burgers. "It's way better than my dad's cooking. And way, way better than Brother's cooking."

"Zexion," Marluxia said from across the table, "don't be rude. Introductions are necessary when making new acquaintances."

"Sorry," I said apologetically. "Everyone, this is Demyx." Rikku and Namine smiled at him. "Demyx this is Marluxia, Rikku, and Namine."

"Yeah, Zexion, your cousin says that he has the same name as me!" Rikku said, nodding over at said cousin.

"He does," I replied, "but he spells his name differently than you do. R-I-K-U."

"Oh, well I'm glad that he spells his name different. That way, people can tell us apart!"

"I don't think people are likely not to be able do tell the two of you apart," Axel remarked. Marluxia shot him a warning look, probably for insulting his new apprentice.

"You think so, Axel?" she asked sincerely.

"I think they will be able to," Sora said with a smile. "You're a lot prettier than this Riku." His boyfriend smirked mockingly at Sora.

"I don't know," Axel said, working to keep his voice very serious. "Riku is pretty gorgeous in his own right." This earned a glare from my cousin and a kick under the table from Roxas and a snicker from Sora and the rest of the table.

o.O.o


	16. Chapter 15: Anthem of the Interlude

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Author's Notes: Ah, here I am once again apologizing for how long I made you wait for the next chapter. Far too long this time. Things have been rather crazy lately, though, between starting college, keeping up with my work, my grandma's condition worsening until she died on September 29

**th****, and starting a new job, I have been rather busy. So please, please, forgive me! Also, you should check out the story I just posted entitled Queen Anne's Lace (it's a Zemyx!), just a little shameless self-promotion on my part. :-) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, but if I did, I so would have inserted Vincent Valentine into the picture and wouldn't have made Sephiroth seem quite so unbelievably gay.**

o.O.o

**Razorblade Shine  
Chapter 15: Anthem of the Interlude**

**Completed October 20, 2008**

o.O.o

_Billy ran around with the rare old crew_

_And he knew an arsenal from Tottenham blue_

_We'd be a darn sight better if we knew_

_Where Billy's bones are resting now_

-"Billy's Bones" by the Dropkick Murphys

o.O.o

Time passed rather uneventfully after that first Saturday Demyx came to visit me at Oblivion Treatment Center. At Riku's discretion, Demyx kept his grades up and was allowed to visit me on Saturdays, although, sadly, none of his visits were nearly as lively or action-packed as his first visit.

On one such day, he snuck a cell phone in to me. Texting back and forth wasn't nearly the same as talking to him face to face, but it was what little connection to Demyx I had and I wasn't about to pass that up. Besides, it was always nice sneaking a peak at the cell phone whenever Professor Vexen wasn't looking only to discover another heartfelt little message in my inbox.

I literally spent hours a night texting Demyx, Axel rolling his eyes from where he lounged on his bed every chance he got, which I promptly ignored. He simply didn't understand as he got to see his boyfriend every day, whom was often sprawled across Axel's twin mattress with him. Besides, the constant text-fest was an apt distraction for whenever Axel and Roxas got to making out. With me in the room. Whenever they got the chance.

From my most observational standpoint, I noticed that Roxas got over whatever qualms he had had about a relationship with Axel rather quickly. I also noted, from my most observational standpoint mind you, that, after the first time that Axel practically dry-humped Roxas with me in the room, the younger blond's cheeks didn't turn nearly as bright red as they had that first time, much to my disappointment.

Right now, you are probably thinking that I'm into some weird form of voyeurism (which would be absolutely incorrect when both parties _knew_ I was in the room), but really, I was just always on the look out for black mail material.

See, I have never had any qualms about manipulating others to get what I want. In fact, I didn't even feel all that guilty over threatening to tell people how Axel practically _moaned _Roxas' name whenever the blond so much as looked at him for one very good reason. The fact that Axel was trying to black mail _me._

And lord knew he had enough material, walking in on Demyx and me that one Saturday half naked on my bed. That, and my more-than-satisfied look I had adorned after Dem and I finally joined the others for lunch that day.

So really, I was just getting even.

Roxas, who seemed above such exploitation, hadn't breathed a word of anything to anyone, which is precisely why I had decided target only Axel and not tell anyone about the severe _gouges_ I had to tend on Axel's back the other day after Roxas had left. Seriously, some of those suckers looked as if they needed stitches.

Thank Heaven Almighty, I hadn't been in the room at the time, otherwise, I can assure, I would very much be scarred for all of eternity.

Grudgingly, Axel called a truce, not particularly wanting his dirty underwear cast all over the front lawn, metaphorically speaking of course (because who in their right mind would _want_ to touch Axel's dirty underwear?), especially when Marluxia who, since Larxene's rather abrupt departure, had become literally _starved_ for gossip of any form. Clearly, taking Rikku under his wing could only do so much for his sanity. I feared he would soon lapse into conversing with flowers once again, the very reason he was sent to Oblivion Treatment Center to begin with. Well, not that so much as the fact that the flowers _talked back. _

It was fairly obvious that I wasn't the only one worried for a fellow patient. Marluxia, despite having obvious psychological problems himself, told us of how Sephiroth was, if possible, becoming more and more aggressive as time went by.

Apparently his conversations with himself were becoming much more Leon-violent and Cloud-sexual. He seemed to be scheming more and more about ways to get Leon out of the picture, sometimes for good, and to get Cloud to be his. Marluxia, of course, told Leon and Cloud about this, but they didn't seem to be too (outwardly) worried about it.

But they should have been.

What I am about to tell you next is strictly hearsay (I did hear it from _Rikku_, who'd actually witnessed the event) so I cannot say exactly what is true and what isn't. What I did hear, however, is disturbing and, for once in my lifetime, made me so, so glad that I wasn't particularly well liked.

According to Rikku, who had been walking with another patient I had seen once or twice around Oblivion, Alicia I believe her name was, Sephiroth had been walking pleasantly down the hall for his presumably hostile appointment with Leon when Cloud glided out of Leon's office and down the hall, passing Sephiroth with a quick 'hi.' Sephiroth, obviously upset that Cloud had just come from his boyfriend's office, said boyfriend being someone other than Sephiroth himself, decided to take matters into his own hands.

Rikku says that Sephiroth hissed, actually hissed, before slamming his 'beloved' up against the wall and proceeding to impale the other's mouth with his tongue. Cloud, scrawny by no means, was still really no match for Sephiroth, especially after having been so caught off guard in the first place.

Seph had him good and pinned, his hands working their way down Cloud's pants. Rikku froze, temporarily stunned, before running into Leon's office for help while Alicia, an obvious fan of all things yaoi, cheered Sephiroth on, telling him to get his man and have way with.

Leon came running a moment later, Xigbar, who had heard Alicia's cheering, on his heels.

Together, the two of them managed to get Sephiroth off of Cloud, but not before Seph planted an elbow right into Leon's nose. The three of them sort of held Sephiroth down until the orderlies finally showed up, Sephiroth shouting at Cloud the entire time that he would never become a mere memory.

And no one has seen Sephiroth since.

o.O.o

The time for filling out college applications was upon us. Leon served as our substitute senior guidance counselor, answering any questions that we had about the entire process and just generally helping us fill the applications out.

Marluxia, Axel and I were the only seniors left in our group at Oblivion, Namine and Rikku juniors and Roxas still a sophomore. Sephiroth and Larxene had been seniors too, but with them out of the picture, the entire process went much smoother. Besides, Sephiroth had only shown the desire to do one thing other than try and molest Cloud whenever the opportunity arose, and that was to become a soldier. I'd never thought to ask Larxene what she wanted to do with her life after she got out of Oblivion and now I was glad. It would have meant wasting my breath.

Together, Marluxia, Axel and I filled out page after page of college applications, writing essay after entrance essay. Long ago, Demyx and I had decided that we would go away to school together so the two of us were staying up to date on the filling-the-applications out process. We only picked schools that had both good writing and music programs (and also marine biology, which Demyx considered as option numero dos if music didn't pan out).

In total, I ended up filling out more than ten applications, positive that there would be at least one school we would both get into. Always with a plan, I decided if there _was_ no such school, then I would go to community college for a semester before transferring to wherever Demyx was or wanted to go.

I knew my parents would probably really appreciate the idea of me going to community college as well, especially after everything that had happened in the last year, and I couldn't really blame them. They had already lost one son and had almost lost another. I loved my parents and didn't want to put them through anymore than necessary.

Other than filling out college applications and Sephiroth going ape-shit, there are, however, a few additional items worthy of note that had been going on _outside_ of Oblivion.

The first involved Demyx and that slippery bastard, Luxord. According to Sora, Demyx had been practically hiding in fear from the Brit ever since their encounter in the police station parking lot. Of course, Demyx never breathed a word of this to me, terrified that his problems would disrupt my getting better or some similar inane logic of his.

But I forgave him, snagging Luxord's cell number from Riku during on of their Saturday visits and giving Luxord a deathly serious lecture on the definition of sexual harassment, complete with the penalties of being found convicted of such a crime. He was eighteen, after all, with Demyx still just seventeen. Being convicted of stalking and harassing a minor wouldn't look to good on any college or job application, I assured him, feeling undeniably vindicated.

The next time I saw Demyx, the dark rings were gone from under his eyes and he looked and acted much brighter. The high five I got from Sora when Demyx wasn't looking was the ticker; I knew that my message had gotten through to Luxord crystal clear and in high definition.

As I believe I've mention before, I couldn't really blame Luxord and his obsessions over Demyx, but I'm a petty creature and, for some odd reason, Demyx seems to love me. There was (and still is) no way I was going to give that up for any justifiable reason other than if Demyx stopped loving me. Who could really blame me?

With the Luxord problem solved, the next week went by fairly smoothly, at least until Thursday rolled around. Namine cornered me after breakfast that day, thrusting another one of her drawings into my hands.

"What is this?" I asked her, studying the picture. It was of two people lying together on a couch in a place that appeared to be thoroughly decrepit and abandoned. The drawing was more scribbly than the last had been, the details of the picture fuzzy. I couldn't even make out who the two people on the couch were.

"I had another vision," she said softly, quickly looking around to make sure she wasn't overheard. "Last night, sometime around midnight. I don't know why, but I just have this feeling that this drawing is connected to you somehow."

"Okay," I said noncommittally as I stared at the picture in greater detail, willing it to sprout a mouth and share it's secrets with me. Of course, the drawing, being an inanimate object, did no such thing.

"I'm sorry that I really can't say more, Zexion, but I honestly don't know. I just feel like I should give this to you." Her face was sorry as she turned to leave, her pale blond hair whipping around her like a fan. Shrugging, I slipped the drawing into my bag to ponder over later.

It wasn't until I received a call from Demyx the next night that the holes began to fill in. I barely breathed out a 'hello' when Demyx's voice, frantic, was heard through the receiver.

"Zexion!" he said, "Something terrible has happened!"

"Calm down," I found myself saying to him, wishing I was there with him right at the moment. "Tell me what's going on."

"It's Sora and Riku!" he replied breathlessly. "They've been missing since last night! Everyone's been out looking for them, but no one can seem to find them anywhere."

"Missing?" I asked dubiously, not willing to believe that my cousin and Demyx's younger brother could be anything but safe and in their homes. "Demyx, what _happened?"_

"I'm not entirely sure, but apparently Riku and Sora finally told Riku's dad that they're dating. I guess things didn't go so well because no one has seen them since then! Cid and Sherra are over here right now and Cid just keeps saying that it's all his fault that they're gone."

"Demyx," I said to him softly. "I think I might know where they might be." Grabbing my backpack, I withdraw the picture Namine had given me the day before, this time scrutinizing it. If I squinted my eyes just right, the two people on the couch surely could have been Riku and Sora, the one person with long hair while the other had shorter, darker hair. The entire picture was down in muted chalks, so it was a bit hard to distinguish hair color and such, but I did detect a shock of turquoise eyes gazing down at the smaller figure with the shorter hair. My eyes roved the background of the drawing, taking in the dilapidated stairs on either side of the couch, the couch itself pushed against a crumbling wall.

"Demyx," I say to him again, "I think they might have gone to the Haunted Mansion."

o.O.o

_**A side note:**_

_It is said that a ghost of a girl can be seen from the windows of Twilight Town's own Haunted Mansion._

_She is pale and beautiful and wearing a white dress. She appears sad, one hand pressed against the glass as if she is looking for something, searching eternally without any hope of ever finding what she seeks. _

_At least, that's what Seifer told them. See, back then, they would have believed anything he said because he was cooler, older, and, most important of all, wiser. _

_He also told them that they should stay in the Haunted Mansion overnight because if they did, he would let the bravest of them sit by him on the bus once summer vacation ended. _

_So of course, a group of eight kids could be found standing in front of the gate, each with eyes widened in apprehension and reluctance and fear. Hayner was the youngest of the group, followed by Sora, a nearly microscopic Kairi, Olette and Pence who seemed to be holding on to each other for dear life, a half-bored Riku, Demyx, who would have followed his best friend anywhere, and their little group's reluctant leader, Zexion._

_Zexion wore the expression of pure determination. He was hardly concerned about winning the so-called 'honor' of sitting next to Seifer on the bus once school started. No, he was resolute in completing this dare because he knew, just knew, that Seifer didn't think anyone of them could do it. _

_In fact, Zexion wanted nothing more than to prove the jerk wrong, to be able stay in the Haunted Mansion overnight just so he could turn Seifer _down_ when he asked Zexion to sit next to him, especially after the jerk had made Zexion's little brother cry not two days ago. _

_Not surprisingly, Hayner, Pence, Olette, and Kairi quickly left the Mansion; Pence and Hayner because they were scared out of their prepubescent pants and Olette and Kairi because the prospect of staying up late making cookies and braiding each other's hair held more allure than camping out in a musty old building._

_Radiating determination, Zexion quickly pulled back the heavy iron gate and marched solemnly up to the front door of the Mansion. Demyx quickly followed him, not wanting to be thought chicken by his best friend, not that Zexion would have ever said such out loud. Sora then followed his older brother, not wanting to be seen as a cry baby. Riku simply strolled along behind the three, not quite apprehensive, but not quite at ease. _

_Zexion had no idea why the compulsion to knock on the front door of the Mansion was so strong, especially since it was fairly obvious that no one had lived in the home for some time. No one in their little group thought it weird when he knocked, all simply holding their breaths, waiting to see what would happen next. _

_Without sparing a second, Zexion's hand found the knob of the door, pulling it open and stepping inside. It was obvious to them then exactly why everyone thought the Mansion to be haunted. _

_There were dusty white sheets draped over all of the remaining furniture and ancient cobweb upon ancient cobweb hanging from the ceiling and chandelier. Claw marks from when wild animals had gotten in were to be seen on the floor and stair cases and odd stains covered the once elegant carpets. Sora even swore he saw the ghost of the dead blond girl from the corner of his eye at one point or another._

_Zexion's eyes landed on a rotten old couch that perched straight ahead of them, pushed against the far wall. He marched right up to it, pulled one of several blankets from his backpack, laid it on the couch, pulled out a flashlight and his newest find, a Koontz thriller, and proceeded to read. Seifer never said they had to _explore_ the Mansion._

_Demyx, after hesitating just a moment, sat down next to his best friend and pulled out his Gameboy, turning the sound down so it wouldn't disrupt Zexion's reading._

_Sora and Riku simply looked at each other and shrugged, heading toward the nearest door, determined to live this adventure to the fullest._

"_I wouldn't do that if I were you," Zexion said softly, without even looking up from his book. "You don't know the state of the floors in this place. It would be prudent if we all just stayed in here."_

_Nodding, Riku and Sora placed a blanket on the floor near the couch and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, after what felt like decades of hours, Zexion's eyes closed and his breathing deepened._

_The two of them grinned to each other and, as quietly as they could, tiptoed off up the stairs. Predictably, the stairs creaked and groaned in protest of the silent feet that ascended the stairs, not having been used in much time. Opening the first door they came across, Riku and Sora found themselves in a library of sorts. _

_Dusty like the rest of the house, the sight of the room, for some reason, put the boys in a fit of giggles. They pranced around the room in the joy of simultaneously defying their parents (who thought they were all camping out in Pence's back yard), defying Zexion, who specifically told them that they shouldn't go anywhere, and proving to Seifer that they weren't babies. _

_At one point, though, the floor Sora stood on gave way, the boy scrambling to the side. Riku, luckily, was standing not a foot and a half away from the boy and grabbed him as he fell. Riku, tall for his age, wasn't particularly strong by any means, struggled to pull the boy back up onto the floor. Grabbing the back of Sora's jeans, he pulled the boy safely to the side of the hole. Sora was panting heavily, silent tears coursing down his cheeks as he laid on the floor in near-shock._

_Leaning slightly over the edge to peer down, Riku saw that underneath where Sora had just been lay a multitude of broken boards and beams and glass. Surely instant death to his young mind. _

_And, as he looked over at his best friend, who's eyes were wide and blue, he knew in that instant that, at the age of ten and a half, he was in love with the boy and always would be. He knew he'd never let him go._

o.O.o

_That night, after the boys descended the stairs, quieter even than before, they curled into each other, arms entwined around the other, their hearts still pounding frantically. Neither of them slept that night and, in the morning, after careful scrutiny by Zexion, the four of them left the Haunted Mansion in utter silence. _

_Zexion weaseled the passing events from his cousin the very next time he saw the boy. They hadn't gotten along too well before then, but in that moment, they understood each other perfectly._

o.O.o

It turns out that the reason Riku and Sora had run away was, in fact, because they finally came out to Riku's dad. Cid, to say the least, didn't take it too well when he discovered that his only son, only _child,_ was a _fag_. There was screaming, there was yelling and threatening, and there was the solemn oath on Cid's part that he didn't want to see Riku again until he got his head on _straight._

They hadn't been thinking, obviously, because the obvious thing to do would have just been to camp out at Sora's house. Instead, they threw what little they could into Riku's duffel and walked the entire way across town to the Haunted Mansion.

After suggesting to Demyx that they could very possibly be in the Haunted Mansion, Dem grabbed his dad's car keys and drove all the way out there, half-crazed with worry. Once there, he flung the door open, the heavy door bouncing off of the wall several times before it finally fell silent.

Two heads immediately shot up as Demyx stormed into the room and up to that smelly old couch. Sora and Riku both quickly stood, unsure of what to say, especially upon seeing the multitude of emotions flickering over Demyx's face. The only time they had ever seen him in any semblance to the mood he was in right then, was the time he found me bleeding on my bathroom floor and the time Larxene stabbed me.

They didn't even make a move to stop him as he pulled his arm back and punched each of them in the face. Of course, it took Demyx roughly .395 seconds to realize the arm he'd used to punch them both with was the already broken one.

As the three of them writhed in pain, Riku grabbed the keys from Demyx's hand and, holding his eye, said, "Hospital. I'll drive."

Apparently all it took for Riku and Sora to come home was a good shiner and a guilt-trip from Demyx.

The x-rays said Dem re-broke his wrist and broke it in a new place as well. A new cast was put on.

On the drive to the hospital, Demyx had whipped out his cell phone and called his house, letting his parents and Riku's know that he had found the runaways.

I really wished I could have seen all four parents march into the hospital to find their corresponding sons. Demyx told me that the way Cid walked up to his son, enveloped him in a huge hug, uncharacteristically sobbing, and informed him that he didn't really mind if his son was a fag, as long he stayed home, would be permanently etched into his memory.

And I really didn't _need_ to be there to see the gooey reunion with Sora and his parents.

Demyx, watching everything from the sidelines, took his cell phone out once again and called me, informing me that this time he'd gotten a bright blue cast to match my eyes.

o.O.o

_**A second side note:**_

_After Namine's mom drover her home from Oblivion Treatment Center for the final time, her suitcases hit the floor just inside the front door with an ominous thud. Her mom had been stealing glances at her daughter the entire ride home, but had yet to say anything. Likewise, Namine had remained silent._

_Her mom led the way down the short hallway to Namine's bedroom, setting half the luggage on the ground before withdrawing quietly from the room._

_An hour and a half later, Namine's mother knocked on her bedroom door, informing her that dinner was ready. Dinner, too, was a silent affair. As she gathered dishes after they finished eating, Namine's mother looked at her daughter before saying softly, "We need to talk."_

_Nodding once, Namine helped her mother carry the dished into the kitchen. "What about?" she asked finally, after working up the courage._

_Sighing deeply, her mom gazed at her daughter, tears invading her eyes. "I never blamed you, Namine, not really. You just remind me so much of her," she said, her voice soft. _

_They both knew immediately what her mother was talking about, everything that had happened. Namine's strange visions, her dad leaving after growing fed up of his 'crazy' daughter. But what Namine didn't know was this mysterious 'her.'_

_Namine continued to stare at her mother, in shock and unsure of what to say. "Come with me," her mom said, abandoning the dishes and leading the way into her bedroom. From the top shelf of her closet, she pulled down an old photo album, flipping to a specific page as she sat down, Namine next to her._

"_Look," Namine's mom said, pointing at a slightly aged photograph. Gazing upon the picture, Namine found herself gasping. _

_The photograph was of herself, only it couldn't have been. The girl in the picture that looked like her wore a white dress that she had never even seen before. Also, the picture was in a place she had never been to nor even seen._

"_Who is this?" Namine asked urgently, the pieces of the long-unsolved puzzle finally falling into place. _

"_Her name was Namine," her mother said. "She was my sister."_

_Namine's eyes grew wide, darting back to the photograph and then back up to her mom's face. _

_Her mom went on. "Namine was older than I was by two years and she was everything to me. My big sister, my role model, my best friend. You're a lot like her, more than just in looks. You see, my sister was also able to draw things that couldn't be explained, the future. _

"_But she didn't like be different. None us quite knew just how depressed she was until it was too late. She killed herself when she was only sixteen years old. After that, Mom and Dad decided that a change of scenery would do us all good. So we moved from out of our home in Twilight Town to a much smaller one in Hollow Bastion._

"_But things didn't get better. When I married your father, he thought it would be a nice gesture to name you after her, af-after Namine." _

_Her mother's voice broke then, sobs raking her body. Unsure of what to do, Namine uncomfortably wrapped an arm around her mother and listened to her cry. She knew things were not going to change overnight, but she did feel as if a great weight had been lifted off her shoulders._

o.O.o

I never actually thought it possible, but the weeks of my stay at Oblivion Treatment Center began to pass more and more quickly. Group sessions began to blur into one-on-ones began to blur into lessons. The only things that distinctly stayed in my mind were my visits from Demyx every Saturday. Hanging out with Axel, Roxas, Namine, Rikku, and, on occasion, Marluxia, was fun too, but never carried the sheer crispness in my memory that seeing Demyx did.

On one such visit, Riku pulled me aside to tell me everything that had been happening since Demyx had gone to the police station. He'd told me that the cops had enough evidence to arrest both Xaldin and Saix for assault. The case hadn't gone to trial because they both had pleaded guilty and accepted a plea bargain, earning them six months each in jail.

And that's where the facts blur into possible fiction. It's said that Saix's cell mate, a tall, white-haired teen named Xemnas, discovered a new pastime in his cellmate. Something much along the lines of the song Prison Bitch, or so I heard.

Now, I don't know if any of the rest of it _actually _happened. It's all just speculation on my part. But I have enough knowledge of the United States prison systems to know that there is the distinct possibility that it _could_ happen.

_Ah, Prison Bitch…_

o.O.o

**A/N: If you've never heard the song Prison Bitch before, I sincerely suggest that you Youtube it. It's a riot. Anyway, you know the drill, leave a review!!**

**webofdreams89**

* * *


	17. Chapter 16: Departure

****Warning! I have just finished this chapter and haven't yet had the chance to go over it for errors. I apologize now for whatever grammatical errors there may be, but I wanted to get this chapter up because it has been a very long time since my last update! The revised version will be posted in a few days!****

**Author's Notes: And here I am, apologizing once again for the huge delay in updates. Sorry! I do plan to get the final chapter and epilogue done shortly, though, so hopefully the next update won't take nearly so long!  
**

o.O.o

**Razorblade Shine  
Chapter 16: Departure  
Completed on January 8, 2008**

o.O.o

_It's my life  
It's now or never  
Cause I ain't gonna life forever  
_-"It's My Life" by Bon Jovi

o.O.o

There isn't all that much of import to tell until the first week of November. That was around the time I began revising and editing the first drafts of this little narrative o' mine give or take a day or few. That was around the time the last of my college applications were sent out.

And it was also around the time that Roxas finally got to go home.

It was a teary farewell for all parties, particularly for the blond and Axel, who were getting more and more chummy (and gag-worthy for anyone else in the approximate area).

Roxas' bags were packed and stacked neatly by the front door, all objects dubbed too dangerous for the patients long since returned and neatly tucked inside. His mom, a very pretty-looking blond woman with the same cobalt eyes as my new friend stood by the door, a small and timid smile upon her face as she glanced around at everyone.

"This is Namine and Rikku and Marluxia," Roxas introduced, pointing at each person in turn as their respective names were called. Marluxia gave a rather apathetic nod, while Namine and Rikku each smiled widely at her. Rikku elbowed Marluxia in the ribs a bit, and he smiled (well, grimaced actually) at Roxas' mom.

Grabbing my arm and tugging me forward a bit, Roxas said, "And this is Zexion. He's Hayner's older brother."

Roxas' mom's eyes widened just a fraction, a small _oh! _escaping her lips before she enveloped her arms around me, hugging me to her.

I stood uncomfortably for a moment or so before finally returning her hug, my arms going around her thin frame. After she pulled away, she smiled at me sadly, saying, "You're brother was such a good friend to my Roxas when we first moved to Twilight Town. It's so terrible about what happened to him, and I'm more sorry that you can ever know for you and your family's loss."

"Thank you," I murmured quietly, smiling slightly at her. "That really means a lot to hear you say that."

She nodded before turning back to her son. Roxas stepped forth with Axel then, their hands tightly clasped. "And this is Axel. He's my…well, I guess you could say we've been dating."

"It's so nice to meet you!" Axel said, letting go of Roxas' hand and flinging his arms around Roxas' mom. "I can see where Roxas gets his good looks from!"

_Ah, yes, that's Axel for you…_

She chuckled then, standing up on her toes to hug him back. "Well, thank you, Axel! It's nice to have finally met you. I'd only _heard _about you from Roxas, but his descriptions don't really do you justice."

Axel grinned as he backed away from her.

"I hate to be a nag Roxas, especially when you have so many wonderful friends to say goodbye to, but I'd like to get back to Twilight Town before dark so I can start dinner. I'm making your favorite."

Roxas simply nodded, starting with a quick goodbye to Yuffie, Cloud, Leon, Aerith, Vexen, Auron, and Xigbar. He said goodbye next to Marluxia, who merely grunted in response. Rikku gave him a large hug, Namine standing there with tears in her eyes as she bid Roxas goodbye, hugging him tightly to her as well.

He stood before me rather awkwardly for a moment before I stepped forward and hugged him as well. After all, he had been my brother's best friend, the one my brother chose, and that meant a lot to me. Not to mention the fact that he had also become a good friend to me as well.

After we parted, I grinned at him. "Don't forget to stay in touch," I said quietly.

"Of course," Roxas said, also smiling. "But you'll be getting out of here soon enough, Zexion, so when you do, we'll have to hang out. I mean, we both do live in the same city and go to the same school."

"You're right about that. I look forward to it."

When I first became a patient at Oblivion Treatment Center, I never thought that I would reach any level of forgiveness within myself. I was there only to get better, to stop cutting myself and doing myself so much physical harm, but in all honesty, I never really dreamed that I could be able to forgive myself.

But it was Roxas that had helped with that.

For so long, neither of us knew that there was someone else out there harboring the same guilt that we each felt about my brother's death. For so long, neither of us knew that we could each forgive ourselves with simple sharing in the fact that we held the same feelings on the matter.

Many weeks ago after we had both ended up in the hospital because of Larxene, we had come to an understanding that I knew we'd carry with us for a long, long time. And hell, we had even formed a sincere and true friendship as a result.

Of all the good things that had happened to me since becoming a patient here, I rank that high on the list and value it more than anyone could ever know, besides Roxas himself.

It was almost painful to watch Axel say good-bye to the blond. He wasn't crying so much as whining a bit (and I knew it probably wouldn't be all that fun to hang out with him later but I was thinking of lending him the cell phone Demyx had snuck in for me), but it was all forgivable. I hadn't been much better after I had first arrived here and had to say good-bye to Demyx for the first time.

They stood before each other for a moment, not touching, before Roxas' hand crept slowly up to cup Axel's cheek in his palm. But it seemed that that small bit of contact was too much for Axel because he threw his arms around the boy and hugged him so tightly that their bodies were flush and Roxas' feet had left the ground. And then Axel crushed their lips together, seemingly trying to devour Roxas' face with his own.

Roxas' mother coughed discreetly, looking away quickly with an amused, but embarrassed face. I saw that her own cheeks had reddened to a rather nice shade of cherry and her manner had become even more uncomfortable.

But in all honesty, you should have seen the reaction Leon had. His jaw had literally dropped, his eyes going wide. He knew that Axel and Roxas had long since become an item, but probably had never suspected that two of his darling little patients would engage in a rather heated lip lock in front of them. Cloud had merely rolled his eyes, discreetly using his finger to pick Leon's jaw up from the floor lest he embarrass himself more so than he already had.

At the sight, Xigbar gave a hearty chuckle, no doubt completely amused by the events that had transpired and Yuffie gave a ridiculously loud fangirl-type squeal, only encouraging Axel.

After finally catching on to Yuffie's squealing, Roxas used his arms to push Axel away, his eyes angry when the redhead finally set him back down on his feet. He even, for good measure, viciously wiped the back of his mouth with his shirt sleeve, but it didn't really take a genius to figure out that Roxas had completely enjoyed it.

"Bye," Roxas said before stalking off to where his mom stood waiting for him, her face probably redder even than her son's.

And Axel stood there with a goofy but nonetheless pleased grin on his face before something seemed to have clicked. "What about me, Roxas? Don't _I _get your phone number?"

"Here," Roxas said, flinging a book at Axel that hit him square in the chest. It was a different book from last time, and one that I had read in my junior year English class, Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley. "My phone number is written inside it. Don't call me until you read all of it. And no asking Zexion for hints either."

And with that, Roxas marched out of Oblivion Treatment Center and on to the rest of his life.

o.O.o

I was surprised to see that Axel wasn't at all moping that night because of Roxas' departure. Instead, he sat vigilantly on his bed, Brave New World in his lap.

o.O.o

_**A side note:**_

_The first day of school is never easy. It's even worse when you're a new student suddenly thrust into a hoard of people who have all literally known each other since birth._

_Roxas wasn't the exception to this rule. He felt as if everything and everyone was passing before him in a blur of shapes and sounds and names that he could no sooner identify than comprehend._

_It was after third period that Roxas found himself trying to viciously open the door to his locker and having utterly no success. After the sixth attempt, he was ready to give up when he saw someone step up to him and say, "You need help with that?"_

"_I'm fine," Roxas said quickly, aggressively. He had found the majority of Twilight Town High's student body to be rather unfriendly didn't see why the boy next to him would be any different._

"_Now, now, don't be that way," the newcomer admonished. He swatted Roxas' hand away from the lock and began spinning it quickly. Just as he had it on the last number, he kicked the bottom of the locker and it popped right open._

"_How did you do that?" Roxas asked in semi-awe, semi-frustration that the other boy had been able to open it on exactly one attempt._

"_Well I don't like to brag but…my brother had this locker last year and I saw him open it at least a million times." _

_The boy smiled at him, Roxas glancing over at him for the first time. The boy was a few inches taller than Roxas with blond hair and hazel eyes. He had a backpack slung over one shoulder and camouflage shorts on._

_The taller blond stuck his hand out, Roxas hesitatingly taking it. "I'm Hayner," he said, his smile widening_

"_Roxas," the shorter boy answered. "I have to get to class now. Thanks for your help."_

_And as Roxas walked down the hall in his new school, he missed Hayner's lingering stare before the boy shook his head visibly, quickly jogging down the hall to catch up with the new kid._

o.O.o

"_The cafeteria food sucks here," a voice said as Roxas stood in line at lunch that day._

_Turning, he saw that boy from earlier, a brown paper bag in his hand. _

"_It does everywhere," Roxas muttered, "I didn't expect it to be any different here."_

"_Well, luckily I'm here to save you once again. Come on," Hayner said, ushering the blond to follow him._

_Roxas merely stared at him, not moving an inch._

"_Come on, Roxas, I have plenty of food with me. And this way you can sit with me and I can introduce you to my friends. They're cool, you'll like them."_

_Shrugging, Roxas followed the boy to a table in the back of the cafeteria. "Hey guys," he said as they approached the table, "this is Roxas. I'm his knight in shining armor because I rescued him from the horrors of cafeteria food."_

"_It's really not that bad," a pretty girl with long brown hair and bright green eyes assured him. She offered Roxas a smile before sticking her hand out, saying simply, "I'm Olette. It's really nice to meet you, Roxas."_

"_Likewise," Roxas said quickly as the other occupant of the table also offered him his hand._

"_And I'm Pence. I can fix any computer problem imaginable. I'd even hack into the Pentagon if you gave me enough money to do it." _

"Pence!"_ Olette squealed, slapping him lightly on the arm. She then turned to Roxas and said, "We're not like that, Roxas, really. Pence is just joking, aren't you Pence?" Pence merely shrugged, grinning at Roxas. "Don't listen to anything these two knuckleheads tell you and you'll be just fine. Well, sit down."_

_And Roxas sat, taking the chair in front of Olette. Hayner sat down next to him, shooting him a quick look before pulling a very random looking lunch from his bag and dividing everything in two._

o.O.o

"_And this," Hayner began, waving something quickly around in front of Roxas' eyes, "is a Struggle bat."_

"_I know what a Struggle bat is, Hayner," Roxas said, visibly rolling his eyes. "We _did_ have it where I'm from."_

"_Jeez, no need to get your thong in a twist. I didn't know."_

"_Sorry," Roxas mumbled._

_After a moment, Hayner looked at him and grinned. "So, do you know how?"_

"_Yep," Roxas replied tersely._

"_Well then, do you want to?"_

"_Sure," Roxas replied, snatching the bat from Hayner's hands and pointing it at the taller boy._

"_Well alright then," Hayner replied, suddenly very happy with the situation._

_And so, the battle began._

_A flurry of bats clashing and meeting and deflecting in a series of motions. The air around them swirled as the destroyed the natural currents and flow. Things began falling from around the Usual Spot, landing unnoticed on the floor._

_The two boys were fairly evenly matched. Hayner had a bit of height and strength on Roxas, but Roxas was quicker and more agile. Eventually, though, the match came to a draw as Roxas tripped over one of the aforementioned objects that had come to land on the floor, falling right into Hayner._

"_Ow!" Hayner squealed before realizing the extent of the compromising situation they were in. _

_Roxas had landed on top of him, the hips aligned and faces mere inches apart. Hayner wasn't really thinking when he reached up and brushed a piece of unruly damp hair from his eyes. Roxas' blinked, his eyes staying closed a bit longer than typical._

_He felt his breath go ragged then, a question slipping from his lips before he could even comprehend what he was saying. "Have you ever…?"_

"_No," Hayner said quickly. "Have you?"_

"_No," Roxas replied and Hayner felt ecstatic. _

_Their lips crashed together then, arms and legs tangling in a heap. They made it over to the couch, their clothing flying off in all directions._

_Soon, it was over and Hayner found himself staring at his sleeping best friend beside him. He once again brushed damp hair from the blond's eyes, coming to the realization that his crush on the blond had, over the past few months, grown into something much, much more._

_He didn't think that Roxas felt the same way, though, figured that the boy was just curious and that's why what happened actually happened at all. _

_He just hoped that in time, the blond would grow to feel the same way._

_And Roxas may have. With time, he might have come to see Hayner as more than a best friend, more than a glorified fuck buddy, might even have come to love him in return. It was likely that it would have happened given enough time and patience on both their parts._

_But neither of them knew that there wouldn't even be a chance for that to happen. That time would run out._

o.O.o

It wasn't too much longer before it was time for Axel to leave Oblivion Treatment Center as well.

The night before he was scheduled to leave, he turned to me while sitting on his bed and said, "I don't know if I want to leave, Zexion. There's just too much stuff out there that I could…use. I don't think I'll be able to take it."

"Axel," I said quickly. In truth, I had been wondering the same thing myself. After all, my own leaving date was quickly approaching and I was becoming apprehensive as well. "I'm not going to lie to you and say that you won't be tempted, because, most likely, you will. I'm tempted to cut every single day even inside here where I couldn't as easily do it.

"I won't deny that it will be hell out there, but you have to just persevere. You don't want to have to come back here, especially now that you have Roxas to consider. But anytime, anytime at _all_, you feel like you don't think you can make it, just call me. I don't care when it is, what time of day or anything, just call me. I'll talk you through it."

Axel sighed in relief. "You're so good to me, Zexion. I really don't know how I'll ever repay you."

I chuckled. "There's no need to repay me, Axel. I expect you to help me if I ever get the urge, too."

He laughed as well. "Deal," he said, crossing the room to shake my hand.

o.O.o

It felt like virtually no time whatsoever had passed since we had said good-bye to Roxas, and now we were saying_ adios_ to Axel as well.

It was Axel's older brother that came to pick him up, a young man around twenty or so with the same flaming hair as his younger brother's. He, too, had facial tattoos just around his eyes, that were a bright blue instead of a piercing green that I had grown accustomed to seeing paired with such bright red hair.

Reno, as Axel introduced, gave of the not so very subtle odor of freshly smoked pot and seemed way too far out in left field to really pay any attention to what was going on. He greeted Axel as he entered the room, giving him a little two fingered salute or sorts, nodding to everyone else in the room.

The customary good-byes were passed all around, with promises to write or text or smoke signal each other regularly.

With his copy of Brave New World tucked into the back pocket of his jeans and bags in hand, Axel left Oblivion Treatment Center.

And I gave a slightly melancholy sigh, reassured very little that my time would be coming soon as well.

o.O.o

My new roommate was nothing, to say the least, like my last, like Axel.

He was blond and blue eyed and bubbly and more than a bit naïve. He wasn't annoying so much as his occasional whining and flip-sided optimism got on my nerves.

His name was Tidus and he loved Blitzball like I love Demyx. As far as I was concerned he didn't really have too much reason to be here at Oblivion, and he didn't think so either. His mom had caught him smoking a little bit of pot with his friends and had virtually flipped out, trying desperately to get him into a drug rehab program but discovering all the spaces in the closest clinics to be filled and overpopulated with actual people with serious drug problems.

Tidus told me that he had rarely even smoked, only occasionally and only for fun. It had never interfered with his school work and his game. And I was inclined to believe him.

Not only that, but he had some daddy issues. His old man had left when he was seven or eight and no one had ever heard from him again. And in that aspect, we got along smashingly because I knew how he had felt. I'm sure that I've mentioned at some point or another in this little narrative that my mother get post partum depression after my brother was born and left us too. Likewise, we have never heard from her again either, although she did remember to send her house key home through the mail a good four years after she had left.

Lunch had become a rather dreary affair. Our numbers had dwindled until it was just Namine, Rikku, Marluxia, and I, Tidus joining us a short while later. Lunch had also become quiet, too quiet, with the occasional chattering of either Rikku or Tidus, who had actually know each other prior to coming to Oblivion. Apparently, Tidus was dating Rikku's cousin Yuna, and had been for some time or something like that.

o.O.o

I was slated to leave the first week of December, the fifth, a Friday.

The last few weeks of my time at Oblivion flew right by, the days melting into each other like butter. And as I realized just how limited my days there were, I grew to realize that I would, in fact, miss it. Not only were there people I had become close friends with, but there were valuable lessons learned there, so many things that I would carry with me for the rest of my life and surely would never forget. That alone made the turmoil of the last several months worth it.

My last group counseling session was on Thursday, the forth. Cloud was oddly thoughtful the entire of the time, just as I had noticed him to be on the last sessions before Roxas and Axel left as well. It felt really good to know that the staff was caring and would genuinely miss us.

"Well," Cloud began as he entered the room, taking his usual seat just in front of the far wall, "I'm sure some of you already know this, but today is Zexion's last session. We've had many people leave this group fairly recently, it having shrunk quite a bit.

"With the exceptions of Larxene and Sephiroth, it's good to know that we've (hopefully) been able to help teenagers who haven't had it easy and have had a few bumps in the road for some reason or another. And I don't think I could be prouder of any of you for all the accomplishments you've achieved no matter how long or short you've been here.

"Now, as we've all done before, I'd like us to go around the circle and all of us will say what we've learned from Zexion since we've known him, or share a funny story, or something you remember. So, I guess I'll start."

Cloud cleared his throat, his eyes flickering over to me. "Since I've known you, Zexion, you've taught me a thing or two about what it means to be a strong person. Throughout the course of group, you've told us that your mom left, your brother died, and you've had to deal with cutting. You also openly admitted your sexuality, which in itself isn't an easy thing to do. You have faced everything that has been thrown at you with both dignity and grace and your example is something for others to aspire to."

I was stunned, my eyes slightly wide in surprise and my mouth probably hanging open a bit. I had grown a lot more confident in the past few months, but I was absolutely stunned by his words.

"I'll go next," Rikku said from next to Cloud. "I met Zexion on his first day here and since then, he has shown me nothing but kindness. I know that I have my own shortcomings and problems, but he has never once judged me for it or made fun of me or anything! He's just been nice to me and taught me a lot about tolerance of others." She smiled at me, tears filling up in her large green eyes. "I'll really miss you and I hope that we can stay in touch after you leave."

Again, stunned. I smiled at her slightly. "Of course, Rikku. You've also been a wonderful friend to me."

She beamed at me then while simultaneously wiping the tears that had begun to slide down her cheeks with the back of her hand.

"I guess I'm next," Tidus began. "I haven't known you too long, Zexion, but you've been a great roommate to me and a great person to talk to. You always listen to my problems without complaint and you always offer me good advice, even if you think it's something I'd rather not hear. So, just thanks for being a friend to me when I really needed one."

"Thanks, Tidus," I said. I'm not generally a very emotional person, outwardly at least, but I could feel my own eyes begin to well up as I sat there.

Marluxia was next. He delicately cleared this throat before turning to me, his long pink hair _swooshing_ over his shoulder as his head turned. "I've always thought you be an intelligent person, and an honest one. You've been civil and you're the reason Larxene isn't here anymore, so I really don't think that I can thank you enough for that."

Cloud cleared his throat, indicating that Marluxia was going just a _bit_ too far.

"I'll wrap this up then," Marluxia continued. "Like Rikku said, you are not judgmental and you accept people for who they are. Even when you found out that I was staying at Oblivion because I talk to flowers, you accepted with an open mind. And because of your honesty, I'll award you with mine: there really isn't anything wrong with me. I lied about talking to plant, pretended, because my mom got remarried and I just didn't want to be at home anymore. That's all."

I glanced over at Cloud, who sat staring at Marluxia with his arms crossed over his chest and a blond eyebrow cocked. "We'll be having a talk later," he said to Marluxia before coughing uncertainly and turning to Namine.

She smiled at me too, her blue eyes already watering. That really was the only push I needed for my own tears to spill over my cheeks. I wiped them, a bit embarrassed.

"All of what Cloud and Rikku and Tidus and Marluxia say is true: Zexion is nonjudgmental, a good friend, honest, intelligent, and a good listener. But I think what he's taught me most is about love. Zexion loves Demyx more than anything, it's obvious to anyone who ever happens to glance at the two while they're together. Zexion's taught me that true love is worth waiting for and the most precious thing out there. I also knows that he loves all of his friends dearly, and I'm just happy to know him."

"Thank you, Namine," I mumbled, still trying to keep it together.

And around the circle it went. People I barely knew, people I didn't even know the names of said things about me that I never picked up on, never knew no matter how insightful I always thought myself to be.

Eventually, after a few more tears and laughs and smiles and thank yous, the session was over. After every one else had left and the only one that remained in the room was Cloud, he turned to me, half-smiled and said, "Good luck in life, Zexion. Not that you'll need it."

o.O.o

On Friday I was relieved from classes, spending my morning eating breakfast with my friends and packing. My family and Demyx wasn't coming to pick me up until two (Demyx, Riku, and Sora had somehow talked our respective parents into letting them get out of school early for the day for such a momentous event).

My final counseling session with Leon was at eleven. I showed up five minutes early.

He let me into his office, smiling at me as he reclaimed his seat behind his desk. Elbows on the desk, he leaned toward me and asked, "Well Zexion, what do you have to say for yourself?"

I could tell that his question, with its almost accusing tone, was in jest, but there was some seriousness to it as well.

Leaning back in my chair a bit to make myself comfortable, I looked at him and said, "I've decided to enter that contest you told me about."

"Really?" he asked, seeming genuinely surprised. He probably did small things like that all the time, dropped hints and such, but probably rarely saw results of it.

"Yes," I replied, smirking slightly. And I never smirked. "Actually, I have a lot of it already written." I pulled my folder from my backpack and handed him the pages I had printed from the computer only the night before, the still incomplete version of a story that I titled Razorblade Shine…

o.O.o

It took Leon a while to get through, but he did, with me all the while waiting patiently with a book in my lap. We had moved on to 1984 in English and I was reading ahead as I always did.

He looked up at me as he read the last few words, surprise written all over his scarred face. "This is amazing, Zexion. You're writing is so honest, and I'm glad that you wrote about everything that's happened. You'll probably hit a few bumps because people don't always like the truth, but that doesn't mean you should ever hold back from it."

"Thank you, Leon," I murmured. "That really means a lot to hear you say that."

"When you finish this, do you think you could send me a copy? _That_ would mean a lot, Zexion."

I promised that I would.

o.O.o

It seemed that it was becoming quite the habit of everyone I knew at Oblivion to line up in the waiting room to say good-bye to someone. I wasn't sure if it had yet sunk in that this time everyone was there because they were saying good-bye to _me._

The good-byes passed in a blur of hugs and good lucks and such. Namine had tears streaking down here face and Rikku was practically blubbering. Marluxia even tried to hide the small tear that had leaked from the corner of his eye.

Aerith, who had changed my many bandages and taken out my many stitches, bid me a tearful good-bye, hugging me. Cloud and Leon both wished me all the best and I thanked them for everything. Vexen and Auron stood off to the side, briefly saying good-bye. Yuffie slapped me on the back so hard I nearly fell to my knees and Xigbar called me Cyclops Junior at least eighteen times before I made it out the door.

I really don't know who made it to me faster, their arms thrown about me hurriedly, my mom or Sora. They both nearly hugged the life out of me, both letting me go suddenly and grinning at each other. Riku, the ass, ruffled my hair before giving me a real shit eating grin and hugging me. Dad hugged me too, having to lean down quite far to accommodate his short son.

My eyes darted to the door and at last landed on Demyx, who had bided his time because knew he'd then have me all to himself. I, surprisingly, didn't run to the door like I wanted, but walked. I wanted that memory of him standing there for me, after all that had happened, to last as long as humanly possible.

When I reached him, my arms wrapped around him and my lips briefly sought his. Demyx took my hand, and together, we walked out of Oblivion Treatment Center and on to the rest of our lives.

And that, as they say, is that.

* * *

**A/N: You know the drill, please leave a review!!**


	18. Chapter 17: The Last Chapter

**Author's Notes: Sooo.....this is it! The final chapter! It feels like I've hit some kind of milestone or something just finishing this story! I feel terrible that it took so unbelievably long to finish this final chapter/epilogue in one. I had a terrible time trying to finish this chapter because it would never come out exactly the way I wanted it to. I also want to thank every single person that stuck by this unbelievably dragged out story. Every last review was really appreciated, especially all the constructive criticism I recieved. So, thank you all so much and enjoy! Hopefully, you don't think this final chapter is too terribly bad and enjoy!**

o.O.o

**Razorblade Shine  
Chapter 17: The Last Chapter  
completed on May 26, 2009**o.O.o

_Here's a thought for everyman  
Who tries to understand what is in his hand  
He walks along the open road of love and life  
Surviving if he can  
_--"Cast no Shadow" by Oasis

o.O.o

The ride back to Twilight Town was, in a word, eventful. Mom and Dad sat comfortably in the front, each in their own seats, while Riku, Sora, Demyx, and I sat sardined in the back, with Sora and I jammed in the middle because we were dubbed 'the smallest.'

I wasn't all that concerned with the seating arrangements, though. Because Demyx was there, sitting next to me, and we were finally going home together.

We didn't say much on the trip home, leaving that to Sora and his typical chatterbox ways, but it wasn't really necessary that we did much talking really. For me, it was enough to know that he was there with me and wasn't going away.

The first thing that I noticed as we pulled into our driveway, glancing over at the Kirkbride place, was that it wasn't Mrs. Kirkbride bent over before her garden, pulling weeds, but a completely different person that I had never seen before in my life. She appeared to be about five months pregnant with pretty auburn hair and a wide smile. Lucky for her winters in Twilight Town don't really exist, otherwise there would be no gardening for her.

She waved at us as our car pulled into the driveway, peeling off gardening gloves and standing. A man with long black hair was at her side in an instant, attempting to help her to her feet as she waved him off with an eye roll. He appeared to be a grumpy looking sort of man, but the expression on his face when she smiled at him was priceless; the man literally seemed to melt.

"Did we get new neighbors?" I asked my parents, glancing back over at the couple who was now making their way over.

"Yeah, we did," Mom replied. "The Kirkbride's moved out in the end of September and their house sold right away. The Valentines, a really darling young couple, moved in."

Dad turned the car off and we all got out.

"Hi," the woman said. "You must be Zexion."

"I am," I replied, offering her my hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"I'm Morgan, and this is my husband Vincent. Mitch and Kathy have told us so much about you. We've been looking forward to meeting you."

I shook her husband Vincent's hand next. He offered me something that I think was supposed to resemble a smile, but wasn't quite. I didn't think that he was much of a people –person, but I wasn't really in the position to judge a fellow socially inept.

"All good things, I hope," I murmured, smiling back at her.

"Of course," she said with a laugh. "Actually, you know Cloud Strife, one of the counselors at Oblivion? He's a really good friend of ours. Vincent went to high school with him, they were in the same grade. I was about three years younger, their pesky little neighbor who wouldn't leave them alone. They wouldn't give me the time of day back then," the woman said reminiscently, then glancing at her husband and giggling.

"Morgan," Vincent admonished gently, his eyes refusing to meet anyone else's.

"Sorry," she replied, tossing her husband a guilty smile. "Sometimes I don't think before I speak. Well, we'll let you guys go about your business. We just really wanted to finally meet you after hearing so much about you between your parents and Cloud."

"Bye," I replied as they walked away.

"See you!" she said, one hand landing on her inflated stomach and the other finding her husband's hand, gardening gloves and all.

_That was odd_, I remembered thinking. But they seemed nice enough, the man a little too standoffish and woman maybe just the slightest bit too flakey.

"Well, let's get your things inside," Dad said, grabbing my duffle. Demyx quickly grabbed my other bag before I had the chance to, tossing me a sly grin. I smiled back; if he wanted to wait on me, who was I to deny him? And I always said that I'd never deny Demyx of anything.

As we neared the stairs, Demyx grinned, taking my duffle from my dad and charging up the stairs to drop the luggage off in my room. I waited downstairs, staring somewhat awkwardly at my family until my dad coughed not so subtly into his hand and said, "Son, I think Demyx is up there _waiting _for you."

Riku burst into laugher and Sora grinned at me. Mom smiled behind her hand. I could feel my face burning in embarrassment. Without a word, I turned on my heel and darted up the stairs and down the hall to my room.

When I got there, Demyx was sitting on my bed, his back against the wall. "It's about time, Zexion. I was beginning to think that I, for once, was the one being too subtle."

"You were," I admitted, staring at him, my face still slightly warm. "My _dad _had to say that he thought you were waiting for me up here."

"Oh gosh," he said, grinning as he stood and walked over to me. "You poor, poor thing."

His hands cupped my face before leaning in to kiss me. My arms wrapped around him, our bodies flushed to the others. After a moment, we pulled apart. I could feel my face burning more than ever, knowing that it was probably redder that it had been only moments before when I was still downstairs with my family.

We took a seat on my bed, his head lying on my lap. I ran my fingers through his hair, looking down at him, his cerulean eyes wide and staring up at me. He paused briefly, his fingertips touching the side of my face, and asked, "So what now, Zexion?"

I knew that he wasn't referring to right now, at that exact moment, but of the big picture, the long term.

"Well," I began, "Monday I go back to school. Then we'll graduate in June and go to college together at the end of the summer. We'll get our degrees and get jobs. And we'll be together forever."

"Sounds good to me," he said with a slight contemplating and sleepy smile. "Sounds really good to me, in fact."

o.O.o

The six of us went out to eat a while later. Demyx had fallen asleep and I felt badly about waking him up when Sora came to my room and asked us if we wanted to go to the Twilight Town Dinner. Uncle Cid and Aunt Sherra and Demyx's parents joined us there. I received more hugs and smiles from all around before I could even finally sit down to eat.

It was rare that I actually enjoyed being the center of so much attention, but when it was the people I loved most in the world, I can't say that I minded it too much.

Most of the conversation revolved around me filling everyone else in on what had been happening in Oblivion and them filling me in on what had been happening on the outside. Cid had decided to open another branch of his business, Aunt Sherra decided to go back to school and was now taking night classes, Dad had helped the Valentines move in next door and Mom received a promotion. I've already mentioned this before, but Sora and Riku had finally come out of the closet, and Demyx was working on some new material and had gotten two A's and five B's on his mid-term reports.

And I was proud, proud of them all and what they had accomplished in such a short period of time. Of course, they all said that they were proud of me as well. But I was still wearing long sleeve shirts, so I knew that I wasn't yet completely over it.

o.O.o

Demyx, Sora, and Riku all stayed over that night. We stayed up late into the night watching movies and listening to music, pigging out on junk food and playing cards and Rock Band. Of course, Demyx handed all of our asses to us, but it was a lot of fun nevertheless.

We made pizzas at around two o'clock in the morning, catching the concoction on fire and setting off the smoke detector. Mom and Dad were none too pleased as they came stomping down the stairs, both groggy-eyed and having to go to work the next morning.

We decided to leave it to the professionals, throwing that charred heap of dough away, ordering a few pizzas from Twilight Town Pizzeria.

I don't think that we got to bed that night until around, oh I don't know, nine o'clock in the morning. Demyx climbed into my bed with me and Sora and Riku slept on a roll away bed Dad had set up in the room more than twelve hours before.

At one point, long after the soft snores of Riku and somewhat nasally snores of Sora had begun filling in the room, Demyx rolled on his side so he was facing me. "Hey Zexion," he asked almost timidly.

"Hm?" I snuggled into his arms and felt them tighten around me.

"Can I ask you something without you getting mad at me?"

"Of course, Demyx," I said, pulling back slightly so I could look at his face in the morning light that filtered in through the blinds. "Ask me anything."

"Well, it's just that…I don't want you to get upset.

"Ask me anything," I repeated gently.

He nodded to himself before asking, "You haven't been cutting again, have you?"

"No," I replied honestly. "I am not going to lie to you, I almost did just once, but I haven't actually done it since that day you found me in my bathroom."

He sighed in relief. I knew that he had been worried, had been stressing over it. And I knew that it didn't have anything to do with a lack of confidence in me; he was just worried as lovers tended to be. After somewhat shyly gazing at me for a moment, Demyx kissed me before laying his head on my chest.

As I lay there myself, staring at the ceiling and listening to the snores of three of my nearest and dearest, I began thinking of the present, of the past, and especially of the future.

And just as they begin, all good stories must end. Not that I am saying that this tale that is more autobiography than story is actually any good. In fact, I would say that many may find it to be little more than another angsty teenager's journal entry. That is between you and your higher power. Besides, I didn't really write this for anyone else, except maybe Demyx. I entered this contest as therapy, as a way to get everything off of my chest the only way I really know how to, by writing it down.

I knew that my stay at Oblivion wasn't going to make all of my problems magically go away. I knew going into it that I would end up hurting to heal myself, knew that it was going to be a frustratingly lengthy process, but I had made it. I had survived. And I found myself oddly confident that I, I mean _we_, would get through whatever bumps were still left in the road for us. I whispered a very delayed "good night" into Demyx's ear and closed my eyes.

o.O.o

**Epilogue**

o.O.o

**A few things of note:**

-Demyx and I received our acceptance letters to Radiant Gardens University on January 11th. It was the only college that we each applied to that had phenomenal English and music programs.

-Demyx won the Spring Talent Show singing the song that he wrote for me during my stay at Oblivion. I sat in the front row and, during his entire performance, never saw him take his eyes off of me even once.

-We graduated on June 8th. I was salutatorian and Demyx was asked to sing our Alma Mater.

**A conversation:**

"Hello, may I speak with Zexion Schemer?" a pleasant female voice asked me as I answered the phone.

"This is he," I replied, curious as to whom this was.

"Hi Zexion, my name is Ambre Winchester and I am the editor for the _Twilight Town_ _Literary Magazine_. I am just calling to inform you that you have were the first runner up in our Young Writers contest for your entry in the nonfiction category. Congratulations."

"I actually placed with that rubbish?" I asked her, completely stunned.

She laughed. "Zexion, I was one of the judges of the contest and personally read your piece. What you wrote was far from rubbish. In fact, it was one of the single most heart felt pieces I have ever read and you should be absolutely proud of yourself at such an accomplishment."

Politely, I murmured a quick, "Thank you."

She laughed again. "Actually, I voted for your piece for the grand prize, but got outvoted. I am sorry to say that some politically correct essay on censorship won."

**A side note:**

There was really only one thing that I could have done with the prize money; bought what can only be described as a hippy van. And with this shag rugged, tie-dyed curtained, hemp seat-covered van, we decided to go on a road trip before college started.

Demyx and I left on July 7th, the day after I bought the van and one week after I received the check for the prize money in the mail. We had asked Riku and Sora to accompany us, but they both worked at Uncle Cid's place and had to unfortunately decline.

I didn't lose sleep over it though. After all, it meant that Demyx and I got to be alone. Well, at least until we got to Roxas' house. Axel was ecstatic to discover that his house was a stop along the way, picking him up only after stopping in Namine's tiny hometown for her.

We drove and drove, each taking turns at the wheel for over four days, until we finally reached the opposite end of the country, parking the van on the cracked and graying pavement. Axel, Roxas, and Namine sprinted from the van to the shore, jumping into the ocean in their clothes.

But Demyx and I hung back, slowly making our way hand in hand over the hot sand that threatened to scorch the bottoms of our feet. It took us nearly five minutes to reach the edge of the water. Finally, we did and I knelt before the sparkling blue waters and withdrew from my pocket a photograph Demyx had given to me so many months before. In the photograph was my past, was a time when Demyx and I were only best friends, a time when my younger brother was so full of youth and of life.

I was a completely different person in that photograph. I hadn't yet known the excruciating pain of losing the only sibling I would ever have. I hadn't yet made a complete mess of my life by making stupid mistake after stupid mistake. But I also didn't yet have the inner strength that I now possessed, I hadn't yet needed it.

I felt a single tear fall down my cheek as I brought that photograph to my lips before laying it gently on the surface of the Pacific Ocean. I watched the tide wash the photograph out to sea, the picture floating by Roxas who gave me a look of the purest understanding.

After a moment, Demyx knelt next to me in the sand and brushed my tear away with his fingertips, taking my hand in his own once again. Together, we watched the photograph float out to sea until it was gone completely from sight and only then did we, together, step into the water.

_The end._


End file.
